Step kid and ex- wife problems?

Question

My husband and I have been together for almost 7 years now, we just recently got married and have a 3 month old daughter together. He has a 10 year old son and a horrible ex wife who has always tried to cause problems between us but since she found out we married the problem has gotten much worse with her, and his son has also started alot of whining crap about my husband not " putting him before me and the baby" those were his exact words. when we have his son now, he is mouthy to me, he tells me he doesn't have to mind no one but his dad because his mom said so!! he hates our new baby, and he listens to grown up conversations through doors and runs back and tells his mom, then she ( the ex wife) yells at my husband. Then he gets mad at her and takes it out on me. he won't say anything back to her b/c she uses the kid against him and won't let him come visit. I feel like this is ruining my marriage but how can I tell my husband that without making him mad at me? Help

texas angel, i have that problem too....lol. they live 3 hours away and we don't have the money to go and get him all the time. so she tells him my husband never has time for him anymore. I hate that ***** so much.

everytime I try to talk to my husband about standing up to her, he said if I do that she won't let me see him. There is a custody agreement and he does pay child support but we don't have the money to take her back to court right now.

Answer 1

Holy hell girl sounds like my husband's daughter and ex gf! However once my husband finally realized it didnt matter if he hurt his daughters feelings and he told her she HAD to listen to me that it was OUR home not her mothers she started to. Her mom told her she didnt have to listen to me it caused problems he'd get mad at the ex take it out on me and so forth. I finally told him if he's pissed off at the ex or his daughter take it out on them NOT ME! Yes my SD was mouthy but girl dont you dare for a second back down. There should be rules in your home if you have to do like I did and print them out and post them around the house at the childs eye level and if he breaks the rules have punishments. If you punish the child your husband needs to back you on the punishment and be made aware of the punishment and why the child is being punished. This past summer the ex gf came up to visit my SD for a whole 2 hrs (drove 7 hrs to drop off her brother who has no relation to my husband but wanted to hang out w us I was fine w it) she came into my home I was on the phone in another room she over heard a part of the conversation left my house slammed the door called my husband bitching about what she heard and he told her "if its that big of a deal get the kids and take them home with you" she is just trying to be controlling. Now mind you there are 2 sides to a story you do not know for sure if the biological mom is telling this child the thing he claims what you know is he is saying them. The 3 of you (you-husband-step son) need to sit down and tell him the rules and what is expected of him what is or is not allowed and STICK WITH IT. I will say this as a step mom do not talk about the child or the ex when the chid is in the home it makes them feel unloved or unwanted or less important. My SD now lives 7 hrs from us and we can not afford to run back and forth every weekend her mom tells her its because we dont love her (such a lie) so when she's here she'll try to work us against one another and make him feel guilty and then make me feel bad but I tell her straight up that it will not work on me.. Remember being a mom is tough being a step mother is tougher

I would also like to add that we were supposed to go see my SD and her brother for labor day weekend. We were not able to go my daughter suffered a seizure which she had no history of which killed her brain stem and thus resulted in her death. She was only 14 though she was on a waiting list for new lungs for 3 yrs prior. The ex called and called and called my husband didnt answer his phone because we were at my daughters bedside for 3 days didnt leave her other then to eat and go down the hall to the "parent sleeping room" and the ex had the NERVE to leave a voice mail saying "Well once again your "new"(we also have a 15 month old) family is more important you are always letting our daughter down"...He never bothered about returning the call he had accepted and raised my daughter as his own and was grieving just as I was but this woman just wouldnt let up for a damn day. Ignore her the best you can limit communication to only about the child, these are things we had to do.

Answer 2

oK... Here's a solution. if the boy wants to cause trouble, then forbid him to come over. Your husband has to back this play. Its either that or he has to take his son somewhere else to see him. You need to stand up and tell him you will not let the boy disrespect you. Again, he has to back this. It can't be you saying it and your husband nodding his head. He needs to realize the severity of this problem. third choice is counseling. If its covered under a medical plan, do it.

Now, simple things you can do:

1. never talk about adult things with him around. and when I say around, i mean in the house.

2. Start taking control of the situation. Either your husband needs to grow some or you need to set the little heathen straight. bottom line is he thinks YOU caused the divorce. He doesn't get it and he won't get it. he is being poisoned by his mom.

I think the appropriate response is day trips. What i mean is he comes over and spends the day. No overnights. If your husband wants to overnight him at the house, i hate to say this, but, you need to go somewhere else when he's around if your husband will not back you. he needs to have a "come to Jesus talk" with his son. times a wastin and I promise you, that 10 year old will do something to the baby if you don't watch it. Got an awful lot of warning signs. and if Hubby is in denial, that's when it will happen

Answer 3

OH WOW

My thought is that maybe the EX wife is jealous that her EX husband is happy and perhaps she isn't.

My advice maybe see if you husband would go for full custody of the son cause what the mother is doing to that child is WRONG!!! She is poisoning his brain. Making him hate his father.

My parents used to do that with me and my sister too we would go stay at dads for a weekend and when we got there dad would ask a million questions about mum and then we would go home and mum would ask a million questions about dad they would both tell lies about each other trying to make us hate the other parent it is so so so awful for a child to have to go thru that.

This kid needs to see just how COOL his step mum is try doing some really really fun stuff with him next visit. Find out what he is most interested in and go do it. As for him hating the new baby that is normal as it's just been him for so long he needs to see just how COOL and CUTE little babies are try getting him involved with the baby somehow as long as your confident he's not likely to hurt it. when your daughter is sleeping say to the boy hey *******"s asleep now how bout we bake some cookies or something. Try be understanding and supportive of this kid who is obviously going through a rough patch but also be firm and consistant.

Your husband needs to sit down and speak with his EX wife too about rubbishing him infront of his child it's not fair on you husband and it is even LESS fair on that child!

I sure hope he learns to like you and the baby soon good luck and I sure hope things settle down soon.

Answer 4

I say kill that little boy with kindness and get him to k now that he is loved by you and the baby. This way no matter what his mom says he will say no mom she let me help give the baby a bath and we all went our for icecream. You can have a sit down and say starting today we want everything happy between everyone. Tell him he's 10 now but 18 comes quickly and you want him to remain close with you when he is allowed to make his own decisions and thatyou also want him to help teach the baby new things. humor him a little and soon only the ex will be the villain and that isnt fun for anyone to be the only bad guy so perhaps she will back off too!
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Answer 5

What a mess!

Where to start...well, do they have a custody agreement? If they do, then the boys mom cannot keep him from his dad.

You husband needs to grow a set and stand up to both his son and his ex-wife. She is not part of his life anymore, she is simply the mother to his son. Nothing more.

The little boy needs to have his butt whipped by his father every time he is disrespectful of you. His father needs to sit his little punk butt down and lay down the law for your household.


Unfortunately, this is your husband's battle to fight and he needs to step up and be a man. His ex-wife still has him pussy-whipped! If he doesn't stand up for you and his new child, he may have another ex-wife on his hands!

Answer 6

Been there done that...if you both want your marriage to work, you had better get some counseling because this will ruin everything. Trust me, he will never stand up to her and the kid will continue to be the go-between causing problems for everyone. If your baby together is not a priority with him then you already have problems and had better sit down together, lay it all out and decide a plan of attack. Its so unfair for everyone involved. I hate women that can't move on and have to use their kids to get their way. Sad, very very sad.

Answer 7

Most of the problem lies with your husband and
the solution is his as well. He needs to stand up to
both his ex and his son. Not doing anything is not
helping his son at all. The behavior will only get worse and his son will grow up thinking he doesn't have to follow rules. If his ex plays games with
his son then husband needs to take ex back to court and fight for sole custody. Ex is harming
the child. Hopefully your hubby will wake up and find his backbone..if for nothing else for the sake
of his child. Good luck.

Answer 8

Texting lets you control the tone and establish what kind of conversation you want to have. Learn here https://tr.im/CBKDl
This is probably the most important part. With texting, you can stop and think about what you want to say to your ex at each step of the way. Instead of reacting emotionally, you can take your time, figure out the right thing to say (I’ll give you most of it), and be strategic with your ex without saying something that you’ll regret.

Answer 9

agree to a schedule for your husband to visit the son , once a month seems best to me you stay home and let the father go and get him and do something with him and take him back to his mother. He is old enough to go away with his father for a vacation at the holidays or in the summer. I think you should arrange to be elsewhere like at your parent's home and let the son visit his father alone. No reason for you to even know him and you don't want an angry, jealous, maybe disturbed young man around your baby.

Answer 10

Honestly untill your husband can stand up for himself, you, and your child there is not pont in trying to deal with anything. He needs to put his ex-wife and child in place then the pieces fall together. Im sure the ex is filling the kid up with whatever she wants and he sees that he dosen't get in trouble for his actions. I would be telling both the ex and the kid if I can't be respected in my own house he dosen't need to be here. You need to remember that this is YOUR house and you should never feel uncomfortable in it.