Okay a few weeks ago my father In-law passed away and my mother In-Law cannot do anything for her self so I offered for her to move in with us she does not want to move she wants to stay in her house but in the mean time my husband has to do the lawn, pay her bills, and go there every day and if he is not there then she will call him like 5 times in 5 hours. She is putting allot of stress on our relationship and we are fighting all the time. We have 2 kids 5 and 2 1/2 . His brother is an alcholic so we are having some more problems with that being he complains all the time about it but never says anything to him about it. I wake up every morning do laundry get my self and both kids ready for school get them dressed feed and off to school I work from 8 to 4:30 then when I get home from work I have to cook dinner and get the kids bathed and ready for the next day of school. My husband keeps making rude comment to the kids like mommy never plays with you or that I don't help with
2007-09-17 08:34:58 · 6 answers · asked by skyler 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
more of the chores and I have explained this all to him saying he is being rude and I do not appreciate him saying this infront of the kids. Can some please help and tell me how to handle this and what I can do as I do not want to rude as he did just loose his dad not to long ago
2007-09-17 08:35:20 · update #1
Wow that sucks. You can not force him to choose between you and his mom. Basically because it seems like he has already chosen.
I would ask him to sit down and I would explain how this is impacting you and ask him how you can work together to solve this problem. You are on the outside of this in his eyes.
Maybe some counseling would help. He needs to be supportive of both families. It sounds like you have a bad dynamic developing.
Can you enlist his mother to help you with stuff at your house? She is probably a little lost and that is why she is calling os much. She is probably lonely. I would ask her is she could help keep the kids out of your hair while you cook dinner or something. Once she gets up and out into the world again she will develop some of the skills to take care of herself.
Good Luck
She is of that generation where families really pull together so asking her for help may draw her into "your" family instead of taking her son back into "her" family.
2007-09-17 08:51:30 · answer #1 · answered by Laurie W 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Oh My I'm so sorry to hear that.
If you mother in law can't do anything for herself and don't want to come and live with you and make life easier for everyone then give her the ultimatum you come live with us and make life easy for everyone or you going in a rest home.
It isn't fair that you have such a huge work load at the moment and your husband sure as hell shouldn't be saying things like that to your kids.
You need to sit him down and have a good talk with him as he is probably not dealing with things very well at all. Maybe some grief counselling might be a good idea.
Hope you work something out soon and have some normal back in your life. The death of a loved one can have hidden affects on people. Took my dad a long time to get over the death of his father and he didn't even think he would care as they never got on.
2007-09-17 18:40:40 · answer #2 · answered by bitsy_pixie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are being extremely supportive and understanding. If he doesn't want to do the yard work find some teenager and pay him to do it, bills can be paid electronically every month, and assuming he lives close enough he needs to set specific times as to when he is going to see his mom. Tell him what bothers you, did he help you before, is his time away affecting the amount of work you do? well tell him did he inherit money well if he's complaining about you not spending time with the kids you can use some of that inheritance to your advantage and work part-time or hire help. Be strong, stand your ground, yes he just lost his father, but i don't think he'd like to lose his wife too. Tell him how you feel. Hire an aide to help your m-i-l Good luck
2007-09-17 16:22:56 · answer #3 · answered by phantom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on your relationship with your mother-in-law. Maybe, if she likes to be around your children and you, you could offer her to spend some more time with you and the whole family. This would help you out too if she would spend more time with the children while you cook or clean the house. She would feel needed and maybe help her heal emotionally. Also, probably your husband would spend more time at home and help out a little. I can understand that loosing a father is a horrible event, and hard to accept that your mother is alone and feeling sad, but he still has to be a responsible parent just like you are. No reason to argue or to make stupid comments about you.
Hopefully you can work it out with them, because this situation will just hurt you all.
Good luck!
2007-09-17 16:35:35 · answer #4 · answered by hedychambers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the reason your hubby says those things to your children is b/c he is actually feeling guilty that HE'S the one who can't spend more time w/ the kids or help out w/ the chores. You should both sit down after the kids go to bed to talk out how you both feel about everything. You're hubby may be having a hard time coping w/ the loss of his father and doesn't know how to deal w/ it. Good luck.
2007-09-17 15:50:19 · answer #5 · answered by ~lattemom~ 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Whether he lost his dad or not, that is NO excuse to treat you like dirt. Tell him if he would step up and be a dad and help out around the house more that you would have time to play with them. My father in law (Hubby's step-dad)passed away in March and his mom just discovered that she has cancer and he is driving her to her appointments for chemo and he still helps out around the house. Next time he says something like that you need to stand up to him and tell him off!
Also...I am working 3 jobs and still get things done around the house.
2007-09-17 15:47:17 · answer #6 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋