Do I have to forgive others.?

Question

Suppose a robber broke into my house and brutally murdered my beautiful wife and 3 wonderful children. Do I have to forgive them?

Please give answer based on your beliefs.

Answer 1

I was NEVER going to forgive the man who killed my daughter, but as time went on I had to for my own sanity. I had to let him go so I could move on. It took too much energy to get up every morning, remind myself that I had to hate him all day long/every day, and then do it all again the next day. Before this happened to me, I would have said I could never forgive that. But, now that it has, forgiveness is the only way I can survive. It doesn't mean that I will ever have anything to do with the guy, it's just that I need to forgive him to get him out of my lilfe and out of my head.

Answer 2

You probably wouldn't be able to forgive this person right off the bat. Nor would it be expected. They would most likely serve serous time. People are right that not forgiving the person would be more of a hindrance to you than the person it is against. Thing is if you really wanted Gods will then you would ask him for the ability to forgive this person and reliever all this hatred. I can remember the testimony exactly but I do remember a story of a man who went through something like this and when he gave it to God finally he felt so much better. And all the pain that person wanted to do to you and your family is neutralized. Your family he cant hurt any more and ultimately God is the good judge so you know nothing gets by him. this man will die like all men do eventually and same for us. In the end you can only hope his man doesn't spend eternity where he is headed because that is truly him punishing him self way more than needed in the end. You also know in your future you have to look forward to seeing your family again unless you don't believer all that in which case Good luck forgiving the man. Honestly I know its easy to say but surely life can be tough. It seems God doesn't look at death the same way we do. If you were eternal you might have his same outlook. Just look at nature and animals eating other animals. And then we have animal rights activist sobbing over people killing animals. Obviously if there is a God his outlook on life is much different from ours which is to be expected because he is not like us exactly.

Answer 3

Personal beliefs notwithstanding, the robber and murderer is the one who would need to forgive me, but dead people can't forgive! Ultimately, though, I think I could reach a point where I could forgive, but it would be a long time in coming. Christ's love and forgiveness are perfect and He forgave because He had perfect understanding. I, being imperfect, do not have that same understanding. I would have to trust Him to give me that. You know, I hear myself saying these words as I type them and I can only pray that God never tests me in this manner because I honestly don't know if I could.

Answer 4

Two excellent books out on Forgiveness:

1) "Heart of Forgiveness: A Practical Path to Healing (for all relationships).
By: Madeline Ko-I Bastis

2) "Working With Anger (which teaches How To
Cultivate Patience/Endurance; how to let go of resentments and unforgiveness constructively to heal relationships) - By: Thubten Chodron.

Both these people are excellent authors who can help anyone who has difficulties w/forgiveness in relationships with others and with oneself.

Answer 5

Yes - but you wouldn't be able to! The point about forgiveness is that a refusal to offer it means clinging on to the hurt, the damage, the insult, the resentment, the anger and desolation that has been caused you by the injury, and the only person that harms is you!

But think - you've suffered a dreadful thing. Your entire family, those you cared most about in the world, has been wiped out. That's hurt enough, damage enough, for anyone to deal with. If, in addition you nurture the hatred you naturally feel for the perpetrator of this terrible thing, you pile Pelion on Ossa - you add to your own injury. It would take years for you to recover from the loss of your family to the point where you could even attempt to lead a normal life again.

Adding hatred of the murderer to the heavy burden of grief would simply disable you further, and probably permanently. Eventually, you would find it unbearable, and either go completely off your head with grief and hatred, or try to track down the person responsible and do to him what he'd done to you and your family. Then you'd have become like him - a murderer. You would have murdered him already many times in your heart.

His action against your family would have taken you over, and he would be controlling your actions, your thoughts, your desires. Yet this is someone with whom you have nothing whatsoever in common - by refusing to forgive him, you have changed that, and made yourself like him.

That's why forgiveness matters. However, forgiveness can't work if the person who needs it won't accept it. It is predicated on the understanding that he knows he has done wrong, and wants to be forgiven. If he doesn't, he can't receive forgiveness even if it's offered, because he doesn't acknowledge that he needs it. He denies that he is culpable, he may even entirely deny his own actions.

And that's why, however much God wants to forgive us and receive us, He can't unless we know that we need His forgiveness and want to receive it. It's like someone holding out a beautifully wrapped gift, offering it to the person they brought it for, and finding that person turning their back and walking away without acknowledging the gift or the giver.

Forgiveness requires two willing and active participants - giver and receiver. Everyone knows that you can't force someone to accept a gift. But in the situation you describe, even if the murderer had no remorse for what he'd done, your offering of forgiveness would release YOU from the terrible weight of hatred and vengeance against him.

You ask if you "have" to forgive. No, no more than you "have" to give someone a present. And in the case you describe, you would find it extremely difficult if not impossible to do it without help. That's where God comes in! Then you have to tell Him honestly that you'd like to forgive the murderer of your family, but you just aren't capable of it - would He enable you to let go of the hatred, would He take it from you, and replace it with His love and forgiveness? He would, if you asked Him.

I hope this is helpful. Please don't suppose for a moment that I think it is easy. The best illustration I can offer of the cost of forgiveness is that of the Crucifixion. God so loved the world -the Shepherd lays down His life for his sheep.

wimsey

Answer 6

Yes if you want to be forgive you do. But also part of the Healing process in situations like this is to forgive and move on. Hatred will destroy you... and those around you. It's medically proven that forgiveness will move you down the road to mental & phisical wellness

Answer 7

In the case you mentioned forgiveness would only be justified if he confessed his sin and sought your mercy. Then you would have to decide. However, whether or not you forgive, it is important to process the pain and let go of it. Failing to do that it will eat at your own life and eventually make you a bitter, miserable person.

Pastor John

Answer 8

Definetly so. Let's just say this robber decided to turn his life over to Christ....he would be forgiven of every, single, solitary sin he committed before and every sin that he would repent for. He would go on with his life while you would be cold, bitter and unhappy-still living as a victim! Of course we will mourn and be angry....BUT God says if you can forgive your transgressors-HE will forgive your transgressions!

Answer 9

Markus.... Sometimes giving forgiveness needs God's Grace to do so....so, with God's Grace I would forgive... because otherwise, satan would have won if I did not forgive....and giving him a victory is the last thing I would want to do.

Peace be with you :)

**Justme&3.... Words cannot express how I felt when I read your answer... May God bless you and your family!

Answer 10

Matthew 18:21
Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? 22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

Ephesians 4:31-32
Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.


Read these links about the shooting of the Amish girls, see how the Amish have handled this very question.


http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/10/04/national/main2059816.shtml

http://abcnews.go.com/WNT/story?id=2523941&page=1

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,220857,00.html


If all Christians had this same attitude we could change the world.


Grace to you, and peace, from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Philemon 1:3