about 7 months ago he dated this girl for about a month and a half but they were friends for 1 1/2 years before they dated,he loved her to death and he never got over her (he told me this before we started going out) he lost his virginity to this girl. well after 7 months of them not talking or coming in contact. they started talking two days ago. now all he ever talks about is her (he talked about her before but not as much and i didnt care then because they didnt talk at all) well he went over her house for the last two days, he ever DITCHED me for her yesterday. she is single. she broke up with him back in january because she was moving but now she came back after 7 months of living 2 hours away. now she lives here again. i asked him if he was cheating on me with her he said ''no'' and when i tried to kiss him or hug him ever since he started talking to her he wont do anything with me at all. he just pulls away. he just totally changed since she came back...
2007-09-17 07:37:43 · 46 answers · asked by Erikka 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
also he was going to ask her to marry him when they dated.
i asked if she was prettier then me he said ''maybe'' i was sooo heartbroken.. i like him ALOT and i dont want to loose him..
hes almost 19, his ex is 18 and im 16.
im soo upset!!!!!! what do i do???
2007-09-17 07:39:33 · update #1
oh yeah we have been dating for 2 weeks..
2007-09-17 07:40:25 · update #2
UH, you're history sweetie, and also FAR too young for him..what the heck is guy who is 19 doing with a 16 year old???? A college aged MAN going with a young girl just starting life?
He talks about another girl to you. What does that tell you. of course he's cheating, if you want to call it that. 2 weeks is not enough time for a committed relationship to develop.
2007-09-17 07:45:24 · answer #1 · answered by zanthus 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let me begin by saying that I have raised 3 daughters so I think I have some good advice for you.
First of all, I know you don't want to hear this, but at 16 you are not ready for the kind of serious relationship you believe you had / have or want with this young man.
Second - that doesn't make what you are going through any less hurtful. I was deeply in love at the age of 17 and to this day still have fond (maybe even love) feelings for the man. He lives in the same community as I, but the reasons that compelled me to "walk away" from him have proven to been sound. Simply put, I was right in my judgement and I'd have been more miserable (for a longer time) continuing a relationship with him, than I ever was for the time getting over him.
But . . . you still hurt and my words aren't going to change that. You have to make a decision based on what is right for you - and usually the right thing to do is the hardest.
It sounds to me like he's moving toward breaking with you. If her moving and the distance between them is the only reason for their break-up, that reason is now gone and they very likely both want to be together again. Tell your boyfriend that you understand how he could feel that way, and that you are putting your feelings for him aside and releasing him to be with her.
If it doesn't work out between them after all is said and done, you won't have had a bitter break up and he may realize that it was your love that made you put him before yourself.
DO NOT do this thinking you will win him back. If you release him, you must truly give him the freedom to be with his former love . . . possibly forever.
Young love is a series of lessons. We learn about being hurt, we learn how easy it is to hurt others and we learn that no matter how much we love somebody, if we lose them, we will find another to love - maybe not in exactly the same way, but in ways that are just as good, if not better.
Good luck to you. Stick to your friends to help you through this and don't fall prey to those "mean girl" games or getting even behavior.
2007-09-17 07:50:46 · answer #2 · answered by Judith L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One day, it will be you answering this question for someone else, using your own tough experiences......and they will be so thankful for your advice.
My advice is this.....
Be mature and accept that even if you 'fight it' you will probably lose him. I'm a man and the actions you describe point that way. I'm sure you will admit that you know most 16 year olds don't marry the person they date at that age. That's why I said "be mature". Be strong, cry, and then tell yourself that if you're patient a really decent guy will come along, even if it takes a few months.
I was heartbroken when I lost the love of my life at 21. I am 35 now and this year I finally got married the most wonderful woman I could ever have imagined meeting. Go through the pain of losing him - if you fight for him too hard you are only feeding his selfishness and encouraging him to 'use' you. So by all means 'cry' (we ALL do) until you're 'over' him and wait for a decent guy.....
A final word of advice as a friend: Don't commit too soon in your life. If you wait until you're 20 there's almost a definite chance that your relationship with a guy will last longer. Btw, a 'committed' guy who is serious about you will wait as long as you WANT until you are ready...................... I'm a guy, so I should know!!!!!
Good luck. Now go dump that idiot guy TODAY, go cry (like all of us have done at some point) and move on..........
I can tell you're mature, so I feel confident you will.
2007-09-17 07:56:30 · answer #3 · answered by Texman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to tell you this but you've already lost him. He never got over this girl and he is still in love (or obsession) with her. Even if they are not 'together', he is mentally cheating on you by spending his time with her instead of you. You do not deserve this, you should be the center of his world.
It's a possibility that he is being unfaithful or will be. The more time he spends with the girl the worse it will be for you. If he won't kiss you or show affection to you then that is a serious red flag. If he is constantly talking about her that is another red flag. Your chances of breaking up are very likely if he is constantly putting you off to see her. If they still care about each other, they -will- be together and nothing can be done to prevent it. It sucks, but that's the way it is sometimes. Don't give them the pleasure of seeing you cry or beg. If you choose to leave, walk away before he can hurt you. Make him think you don't want him. His ego deserves a little bruising for playing these head games with you.
It is obvious that he is too immature to move on or grow up from this girl. Within these 7 months he's probably fantasized and made her out to be more than she is. You deserve far more than this. Do you really want to stay with a guy who is (not so) secretly in love with another girl? You deserve to be someone's number one.
I really hope that everything works in your favor. I'm sure he's a good guy because you care about him, but maybe he's just not the right guy for you?
Maybe in ten years you'll look back on this and laugh.
2007-09-17 07:51:58 · answer #4 · answered by Starr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No woman should have to chase a man, and you need to realize that YOU deserve better than this. You should re-evaluate your relationship and you may see that you are better off alone than sitting there wondering and feeling the pain of not knowing.
Look at yourself and tell yourself that you deserve a guy who will sweep you off your feet and make you the center of his world, a guy that will tell you every day how beautiful you are and don't ever settle for less than that.
I see so many girls chase after guys and I used to do it myself and then I realized when I stepped back and had patience, I waited and let a guy pursue me that it was finally then that I met the right guy for me. When you meet the right guy you will never have questions like this, you will have the ultimate confidence in your relationship and you will feel so close with him that you will talk to him directly about your feelings.
It doesn't matter if he said that she is more attractive....in fact, you shouldn't have asked him that...because that shows insecurity in yourself which is NOT something that men like in women. You need to be confident and know that this guy is not good enough for you because he is making you unhappy right now and that is inexcusable.
Hold out for Mr. Right and have patience...it will be sooooo worth it!
2007-09-17 07:50:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
At 16 you shouldn't be going out with a 19 year old guy. All that will do is get you in trouble. You knew from the beginning that he still has feelings for her and you took that risk knowingly. Break it off so you can move on. There are several other guys out there you don't need this one. He obviously wants to get back with her.
2007-09-17 07:46:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not be able to carry on a relationship with a guy who keeps in contact with his ex. If he was in love with her and the reason they broke up is distance and now she's back, it is inevitable that he will either cheat with her or leave you for her. Since its only been 2 weeks, keep it moving...there are plenty more men out there!
2007-09-17 08:14:22 · answer #7 · answered by What's good? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot fight for what is not yours. Clearly he still have feelings for her. Give him the space and freedom to make his choice. May be you can have a talk with the other girl. If she does not care for him as much at least you will know and give him some time with her. She is probaly feeling down and just need a shoulder to cry on. You are still young get out ,there is always another.
2007-09-17 07:52:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow...drama queen? You're 16, he's 19. That alone is statutory rape.
If he isn't giving you the attention that you want from him, he won't in the future.
You've got a lot of life ahead of you...don't hang onto this guy. Go live your own, figure out who you are as an adult, and worry about finding a meaningful relationship later in life.
Get through school first.
2007-09-17 07:43:19 · answer #9 · answered by samans442 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know you've probably heard this before, but you gotta calm down and think straight i don't believe in coincidence, if god did that to you he must have had a good reason, I'magine lets say this girl would've moved back 7 yrs later when you guys could have been married you could have had kids! what would you do then? come on cheer up im a very emotional person so i should know what it feels like...don't show him that he has the power to break you..don't give up in your heart either...
2007-09-17 08:12:17 · answer #10 · answered by guggle muggle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋