Daughter just started middle school (6th), and is being bullied....advice?

Question

My 11 year old daughter just started Middle School. She came home last week crying, that on the bus 2 girls held her down by her neck under a seat while a 3rd girl went through her backpack and stole almost all of her school supplies. Of course, she didn't now the girls names so when I called the school they informed me that without first and last names there wasn't much they could do about it.

The bus system is run by a private company, so I contacted them and filed an incident report. The bus company sent a supervisor out the next day so my daughter could point out the girls. Of course they denied everything but a report WAS filed.

Same thing next day, the girls were threatening her...that they were going to punch her, etc. I called the police and they talked to all of them, but the girls filed a report of threats against my daughter.

I have went through all channels, is it wrong for me to tell her to defend herself if she has to?
school seems to think it's not a big deal.

This has been going on for a week. One of the girls is a HIGH SCHOOLER and the police were going to search her Friday but I never heard anything.

Everyone is telling me with no proof, there is nothing they can do.

I hate to tell her that violence is the issue, but it's getting to the point that they are threatening her. I called school again last Thursday and they have never called me back. Police office has never called me back.

Is it wrong for me to tell her as a last resort, if she has to defend herself then she has to stand up for herself. I have tried explaining that in life there will always be people who bully, and sometimes if no one will help, we have to stand up for ourselves.

Any advice on what I should do? She is 11, and the main culprit is in a different school and it much older than her.

Thank you for the advice so far...some additional details.

We live near San Francisco, and the middle school and high school back up to each other, so they are "sort of" together. This high school girl is actually COMING to the middle school and threatening her there as well, so it's not just on the bus but on school property as well. My daughter is in the gifted and talented program and does does upper level work. She has been teased about this for a few years, but we have dealt with it and it hasn't been this bad. I have always explained it's not BAD to be smart and some kids are jealous.

The bus system...they do NOT provide public school buses, but rather have it worked out (scam), so they have a few specific buses for each route that picks kids up outside the middle school and high school and we pay 30 dollars a month for that. Because of where we live, she rides with high school students too.
I could take her back and forth, but it doesn't fix the issues during school hours

Answer 1

I would go to a court and file a restraining order against the bullies and try to arrange another form of transportation for your daughter.

Answer 2

You live in a bulls**t school system. They could put an asst principal on the bus one day and have your daughter pick those two out.

Here is something to consider. The bully for whatever reason is afraid of your daughter (she may have done absolutely nothing to cause this) and this girl has recruited an accomplice to lash out at her. If you counter this fear with fear you'll likely have lost. If it were I, I would be in that principal's office again. This time demand action or you tell them will go to the local paper and report it there. Newspaper people are absolutely giddy about stories like this where the school system may not be 'all it can be'. DId you go to the police ? A crime was committed here.

Lady, it's time you developed a backbone as least as a good example to your daughter. Every time an incident like this goes unreported and not acted upon, the perpetrator gets a little bolder. I'm sure you would want that to happen.

Answer 3

I dealt with this exact same issue when my daughter started middle school, and to the person who said it's illegal to have middle school children on the bus with high school that is simply not true. I did all the exact same things you have done (talked to school, police reports, bus incident reports) I talked to MaryBeth about it and told her that if she ever felt physically threatened to fight back. That above all we have a right to defend ourselves from iminent danger, a few weeks later when this over grown high school girl shoved her into the wall for the third time that week she snapped and punched her right in the eye. Guess What! MaryBeth has never been bullied since, before this she was picked on everyday by many children. And it didn't change who she is, she is a Christian girl, quiet and sweet and wouldn't hurt a fly. But she did what she had to do and really taught those big bullies a lesson.

Answer 4

Make sure she tells the driver the instant something happens and have her stay away from them. The driver should do something about it, and if he/she doesn't then you can file a complaint with the bus service and hold them accountable for your daughters safety.
I would say it depends on where you live. If you are in an area where it is more likely that one of the attacking girls has some kind of weapon I would say that she not fight back and you either get another service to drive her or think of moving.
If this isn't likely, I would tell your daughter to fight back. She is going to keep getting bullied until she does something or something is done for her. Every person should know that it is okay to fight back if they are being hurt or mistreated.
The last thing I can think of is to talk to the other girls parents. From the sound of it the parents probably think their children are angels, but it's worth a try.

Answer 5

Your daughter should be taught how to defend herself. She has the right to do that. Most bullies back down if someone can defend themselves against them.

Can she take a seat closer to the front of the bus where the stupid and obviously uncaring bus driver can actually see her?

Is she able to scream when these punks are bothering her?

Keep reporting these incidents to the police, the school and the bus company. If possible, find out the names of the girls. Maybe she could pick them out of last year's yearbook. Once you have their names, get a restraining order. You may need to tell the bus company you are speaking with a lawyer about filing a law suit against them. That might get them to take this more seriously. Make sure the school is aware that you are speaking with an attorney (even if you aren't talking to one at that particular moment).

Answer 6

Oh my Gawd, my heart goes out to you and your daughter. No one of any age should have to put up with this! Your poor daughter must absolutely dread getting on that bus! If going through all the proper channels are not getting you results then you need to be more assertive, perhaps getting your daughter an assigned seat by the driver would be a good idea, or maybe buy a pocket recording device to get solid evidence to show to the bus company and school. Do whatever you can to get these kids to back off, talk directly to their parents if you have to. Good luck. By the way, a high schooler picking on an eleven year old is pathetic, she should be ashamed of herself.

Answer 7

Well, I'm going into the 8th grade this fall and fashionable clothing may depend on where you lives. Don't force her to dress a certain way just because you want her to be socially popular. Almost anyone can have lots of friends in middle school. Well right now, multi-colored skinny jeans, skater shoes, flats,V--necked shirts, leggings, and shorts are really cool . However in late fall, uggs/bearpaws will probably be in again too. Yes, even if you live in Southern California. All of this doesn't have to be very expensive; a lot of kids in my school shop at Wetseal or Forever 21. But then again, don't force her to dress this way. When your daughter starts middle school, she will develope her own sense of friends and fashion. Please don't worry, middle school isn't half as terrible as you remember it to be. *~*~*~*~ Good Luck!!!

Answer 8

Wow what a horrible situation for you child!!!

I would contact the school board president immediately. I also would be one major pain in the boohiney for the principal of my daughters school. This is something that needs to be handled by adults and you are doing the right thing by defending her!

If the school board and principal of your school finds themselves "unable" to assist you any further I would make mention of a local news station and their probable interest in this story..

I also would set your daughter up with some martial arts..yup self defense..this will help in several ways..rebuild your child's self esteem and secondly give her the tools that she will need to defend herself!

In the meantime is there anyway that you can go ahead and drive her to and from until the school, bus company etc are capable of providing her with safe transportation??

I too would look into getting a restraining order..

Finally DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT..try to have as much as you can in writing as your back up.

I'm sorry this has happened and I hope that you can get the situation resolved ASAP!!

Answer 9

My heart goes out to your daughter because we are facing a similar issue. Our "problematic issues" with a fellow middle school student began in our daughter's last year(i.e.-8th grade). Don't worry; it didn't stop there. Oh! No! The bullying began the first day of Highschool. She picked up just where she left off. The school "addressed the issue". We had the same blah, blah, blah....unseen/ unheard of mentality. Our daughter isn't gifted. She has Gilles de la Tourette Syndrome. We went to administration(the Superintendent of Pupils)who assigned our daughter a permanent hall monitor. We contacted the local police department(who approached the family of the bully). Then, ALL of the students(yes, all 15 kids, including the leader/bully)were called down into the Principal's office.

I find irony in the fact that BOTH of our children are the victim's of harassment. In both instances; they are looked upon as being the accused. Currently, our daughter remains with a hall monitor. Just today, the bully began to approach our daughter. The hall monitor/escort witnessed the action. The bully cowered enroute to the principal's office. Bring it to the attention of administration by questioning: "does this student exhibit violent behavior, as mentioned in the School District's Code of Conduct."

I wish your child a wonderful year in school. As for both of our children; I demand that this situation hault immediately. Otherwise, we have the right to seek legal action- a child advocate, mainly an attorney who deals with these issues.

all the best to your child.

Answer 10

why is this high school girl allowed to go the middle school and pick on her? where is the teachers and the principal?
Contact the principal..then the super..then the board of ed.
File a restraining order against this girl.
take notes, possible pictures....(maybe on a cell)
Is there any other kid on the bus to back her up(telling teh cops)
It is not wrong to tell her to defend herself but it could end up with your daughter getting jumped by all these girls.
Have her take karate..
But for now-I would drive her back and forth. No one needs that abuse.
Good luck

Answer 11

You could always switch schools. An you should tell her to defend herself. They will continue to pick on her forever if she doesn't stand up for herself. I'm that way. Your child should never fear school and learning because of people like them. There is no excuse for the kids to not have gotten in trouble if she said it happened they should be punished some way. And the bus incident how did no one see that. They could be kicked off the bus!! Tell her to defend herself or sit in the front of the bus. I am so sorry you and your daughter have to got hrough this.