How to deal with Step children?

Question

I married a guy that has an exwife that had a child when they were married, the child was only 3 at the time and years later they had another child. Now his step son who by the way is now 19 and his own child is 12. I don't like either of his children, now the first child is not his by blood and he is very disrespect, loud and obnoxious and loves attention and the other child is very clingy needy and they both don't know how to talk with adults. I have children from a previous marriage as well but they know better than to disrespect adults. I do not like either of them but I can deal with the 12 year old. When the older child comes to visit he always has some type of criticisms about things that are none of his business and I told my husband that I didnt like the older one and gave him the reasons liike I've given you and he doesnt mind but he continues to tolerate him, I love children and feel bad that I dont like them and we rarely spend time with either of them....what can I do

Since the older child never met his biological father and thinks that my husband is his dad, which sucks, because I told him they should have told him years ago that he was just his step dad but the ex wife refuses to tell him. The ex is a royal pain in the a$$ and like to put on aires that she is something that she is clearly not. She calls my husband when she is having problems with the older child but at the same time when he tries to help she always take his side, I told him to be done with it, its not his son but since he raised him as his own he is kind of stuck. I hate feeling this way about children because I have kids of my own that are grown but I wouldn't want people to feel like that about a kid of mine, it really makes me feel sad but I dont want the older one to know where I live and I don't want him to visit. My husband says he feels the same way but when they call he always go running. I don't know what to do, can someone please help me?

Okay, let me be clear, I am the adult and have show these children nothing but love and respect...remember I have children and I know how to deal with them. In the beginning it was hard but they opened up to me and the youngest one, I still spend time with him but these kids talk to adults like they are talking to a 2 year old and their mother tolerates it and I tried to break them but its always a problem now we didn't have this problem in the beginning because the youngest one when he is alone he is an angel but when his big brother comes along he acts exactly like him, I have invited them into my home and treated them with nothing but love and kindness but sometimes people take your kindess for weakness and I am at my wits end, I love children but not disrespectful ones and the oldest is 19 so I don't have to deal with him and I won'tt but when he's in trouble I'm the first person he calls- that should tell you something. I won't let my 19 yr old ruin my marriage & neither shud he

Answer 1

You sound very frustrated. I suggest you pray. If you have been married for years then you should go to counseling to learn to deal with the stress that occurs when they are around. Try to learn ways on how to connect with these kids. If you love your husband which I am sure you do, You need to show him that you accept all things and people in his life. Sure, if the older one is disrespectful, your husband needs to talk to him. With the younger one, Id say try to connect more with him. Its hard to try but love will find a way for it to work.

Answer 2

I had a step dad when I was growning up from 8-16 years old. He was a great man and did alot for me but I was horrible to him. Smart elic, rude, the hole 9 yards. I felt like he was trying to be my dad and my real dad didn't come around much then so I looked at it like I don't need a dad, you know? I think if they are old enough to understand you should have a talk with them, maybe take them to dinner and just let them know you are not trying to ruin their life you are only trying to be part of their family and you will be there to help them through any thing. I think that kids (teenagers) with step parents just hold a grudge against their parents and it gets taken out on the step parents.

Answer 3

let me tell you something ive been a step parent, your not telling the truth, you dont want them in the picture at all , you just dont want people to know this. iv been a step parent and at first i thought i cant do this , but i thought this is their father and i know how i felt about mine and IM THE ADULT HERE so really i want this to work and it did its really if YOU want it to or not, and if your husband is any man at all or father at all it would be like this either you and my child will get along and be a family are YOU can hit the road and also if your husband is a good father then you better watch it because YOU will be history in a matter of time.good luck. now this can really piss you off or you will listen what im telling you for your marriage sake.and yes your kids at times will haved to take back burner just like his kids you can do it.

Answer 4

This is a VERY difficult question to answer. Especially since the child has it in their head "you took my mommy/daddy away and your not my mother/father." My step-son did the same thing to me when I first started dating his father. I sat down and spoke with him on his level and told him I wasn't there to take daddy away from him and asked him if it was OK for us to be friends and do things that friends do, like go to the park and have fun. He said yes, and we've had a great relationship ever since. It may take some time for them to warm up to you, but the patients is well worth it.

Answer 5

you really have to ask your partner what role does he expect you to have with them. It would be ideal for the children if you could treat them like your own. First things first you need to gain their respect. Because once they respect you then you can build a relationship. Good luck, i don't think there is anything more challenging in this world then raising step children

Answer 6

OK. First of all, you married this man with children. So what did you expect? That everything was going to be all hearts and flowers? You will not change anyone - except of course yourself.

I suggest you go into some serious family counseling - all 4 of you so you can learn some tools that will help everyone deal with the issues you have.

Otherwise, chalk up your losses and file for divorce.

Answer 7

i can say you and ur husband need to sit the kids down and talk to them about respect and that u love them as if they were ur but they need to understand the rights that goes on in ur house and how they need to treat adults.

when u are a stepparent it is not an easy job trust me i have two step parents i feel if they dont respect me i will not respect them but as the kids get older they will come to there sences just talk

Answer 8

If you want your marriage to go smoothly you will treat his children as your own. In the long run do not ask your husband to accept the fact that you do not like his children whether or not they are his by blood. It can contribute to the downfall of your marriage. You want him to accept your children I am sure so treat them accordingly.

Answer 9

u will never be their parent -- u have to have the other spose outline the fact that u are not the parent -- but u do deserve their respect and will return respect when it is given -- good luck -- it's a tough row to hoe

Answer 10

as people