How can I forgive my father?

Question

My father was Jehovah's Witness before he had any children. Then he had two girls, then he had four boys, of which I am the youngest. As we were raised, we were EXTREMELY and strictly limited in our choice of music, friends, entertainment, and so forth. We had no choice but to attend their meetings three times a week. If we chose not to, we would be beaten and dragged to the meetings. (This is standard for JWs, except for the beating is optional, but children are given no choice.) When I was a young teenager, my mother bribed and threatened me in to being baptized (which makes you a full-fledged member of the orginization.) My father just refused his approval of me if I chose otherwise. So I did it.

At some point, my three brothers went their separate ways. None of them were baptized, so in a sense they were "free to go" once they were 18, as long as they left my father's house. Just recently I've decided to stop participating in the orginzation's activities.

This was very difficult, as the only friends I had were the ones I had acquired in the orginization. Good, close friends, suddenly unable to have anything to do with me. My family (even EXTENDED family) in the orginization is extremely alienated from me. When I decide to cut ties with the orginization officialy, this is called "disfellowshipping" and contact with me would be FORBIDDEN by JWs. And they would obey. Which leaves me friendless, mostly family-less, parentless, and extremely depressed. Yet, as much as I do not respect him, I love my father because he is my father, and I want to forgive him so that he knows I don't hate him, which is how I feel now. Love, HATE, love. How can I forgive him, who was mostlty responsible for raising me in to this trap, forcing me to conform to his beliefs, and never giving me an option of frfee-thought or expression?

Answer 1

...for those of you watching..see what this religion does to families..icon this first hand, because I could have written this story myself.

Dear Brother in Christ..I have such feeling for you, in that I have been in your shoes...My advice to you is: under no circumstances are you to get yourself disfellowshipped...do what your brothers did, and slowly walk away.just become inactive....Be in constant prayer, because God will deliver you from this just as he has many others....

http://freeminds.org
http://silentlambs.org
http://towerwatch.com

May god Bless and deliver you into real truth.


NMB your answer is what is wrong with the Witnesses...No compassion..mo room to question...NO GRACE>

Edit: You have brothers older that have begun the break away..can you go to them?

Answer 2

Dear King In Yellow,

You did not mention how old you are. You said your brothers were 18 and they were free to leave. Does that mean you are younger?

I know my mom was a JW too. I was for awhile. We (my mom and I) became one when I was 18 and pregnant. When I decided to marry the father of my child two years later I wasn't disfellowshipped but mostly shunned because I married someone outside the church. My boyfriend and I had broken up when I got pregnant and I started studing during that time. I was not allowed to date anyone from the Kingdom Hall because I had not been baptised long enough and I was very lonely. When my boyfriend wanted to get married I thought it would be good for my daughter. I understand why they did it, but it was when I needed support the most. After being treated like that I stopped going and questioned my faith. My mom, sister and brother shunned me as well. I didn't talk to anyone for over 5 years. Eventually, we all started talking again. I was the only family member by my mom's side when she died. My mom's friends where there when she was dying and one told me I should get back with the Kingdom Hall so my mom could die in peace. Another told me it was too bad that I was the one by my mom's side and not my brother or sister. So I know how alone you can feel.

Age will be a big issue for you. Can you move out on your own? Are you already living on your own? Be happy you have your brothers that understand how you feel. Know in your heart that your mother and father only want what they feel is best for you. I am sure it hurts them very much to think you will not be in paradise with them. Be happy for some of the things positive things that have come from going to the meetings. I am sure you are very familiar with scriptures. That will be handy no matter what you choose in the future. Look in your heart for truth and be strong. I have to admit there have times I have thought about going back. I wish you all the best!

Answer 3

If this is typical behavioral rules of JW, then that is a mean religion. I think that it would be good for you to create a new home environment on your own somewhere else, away from your family (temporarily). After a while, however long that may take, Im sure you can find it in your heart to forgive your father. If I can forgive my father, you can forgive yours. As sad and upsetting as they may be, you have to accept they way things are.
I have lived in 3 states in the USA and when I found the time and money, I would go visit them.
If nobody will accept you for who you are on the inside, then move away, get an apartment somewhere. New friends. Nobody knows you who you are, and they wont know your family and friends from back home to get influenced by.
As you did not say what religion you believe in, I dont say anything because I dont want you to think that I believe in pushing someone into something.

EDIT: If i were you, I'd take "Answer #10" "trolltotroll" answer. Call that toll free number. He is right, you have to start from scratch. You are not going to have a clean slate like you deserve if you stay around them.

~good luck. I hope this really helps.

Answer 4

I went through much the same thing. I left home and the religion almost 3 years ago and am still working through the issues. My mother was a devout JW and my father an inactive one. They were careless and abusive, and coupled with a cult upbringing it made for a pretty miserable childhood.
I have honestly given up on making peace with my parents over what they did to me. They won't acknowledge that the upbring they gave me was any less than perfect. I don't know that there is a point talking to them about it.
My method of dealing with it is to pick out the key issues and incidents that upset you most and analyse them. Talk about it with your friends, post it on Yahoo Answers. Discuss it, explore it and don't be afraid to get angry or to be upset over it.
When I do this with particular things about my childhood that hurt me, I find it really helps and resolves it for me.
It's a long process but you've taken the first few steps.
I'm always here if you need to blow off steam. I know just how you feel, how confusing and hurtful it is...the yearning to be able to have a good relationship with your parents yet completely frustrated with their attitude.
((((Hugs))))

Answer 5

How did the Father forgive them? It was by providing a plan by which they could be saved, but not all accepted His offer of salvation. Jesus said, "He that believes and is baptized shall be saved" (Mark 16:16) In Acts 2, about 3000 of the people guilty of Christ's murder followed this plan and received remission of sins. Also, if they were unconditionally forgiven at the moment Christ said "forgive them", then they were forgiven of the act of crucifying Jesus. This forgiveness of one act did not forgive them of subsequent acts if they went right back into a sinful lifestyle. They still needed to repent.

Answer 6

You family is in a bad way.

According to what you have written, your parents have not followed the council of the Bible or of the "organisation". JWs parents are not to force their children into baptism. We are told it MUST be the childs choice. The idea of them beating you to go to meetings is NOT a JW way. Your parents have done you wrong, and, by their actions shamed JWs as well.

As parents, we have an obligation before God to train and teach our children things relating to God, but it MUST be done in love.

Being strickt with children is not always a bad thing. I know it hurts when others around you seem to be enjoying themselves. I have limited a lot of things my children are able to do, but they still have fun even though they complain about not being able to go to movies with some ratings.

If you want to leave being a JW just stop going to meetings. If your parents reject you for that, than again they are not following Bible council. JWs are not told to reject their children if they just stop going. If you were disfellowshiped even then they are NOT to stop all contact. Even By JW standards, they still have an obligation to help you in times if need and sickness.

If what you sya is correct, and from your point of view it would ne, your parents need to be put staright on the need to show love in a christian way.

Sometimes though parents do things that they think is right because they think they are doing what is best for their children. (Only our heavenly father Jehovah God has done things right all the time). The first centry christians were counciled to put up with one another, and to firgive oneanther. Why? because we all make mistakes and often missaply or missundersdtand what we are told. The apostles of jesus often missaplied or did not understnd what he said. Are we to expect anything else from our parents, brothers, freinds?

Like any emotional hurt times is needed to recover. Hurt will always stay with us. Fogivness needs a direct action on our part. It is not an easy thing to do. I've been there. From family and elders. I have been emotionaly abused. we are all imperfect and will make mistakes. I am still a JW and will remain a JW because that is what pleases Jehovah our creator. I am a JW for no man but only for Jehovah because his ways are rightous and he gave us life.

Of couse you have to have a belief in God or If you have lost faith in God or did not have it in the first place do not let that come between you and your parents.

None of my children are baptised nor do they regualary go witnessing, but still go to meetings when THEY want to, all still live at home. I have never forced anything on my 4 children (12, 15, 19, 22 y.o.a.) but have always tried (and many times failed) to do things the scriptual way. It must be their deciition to be a JW.

My oldest son (22) decided on his own when it was time to limit is non JW association with his freinds. He came to that conclution himself only last year.

My 19 y.o and 12 y.o.daughters has decided on here own that they want to start going witnessing more.

Answer 7

You know what? My husband says the same thing about his mom, "I love you because you are my mom." I told him what kind of love is that? He says, "Exactly, as I said." I can't quite explain as I am lost in words, but I guess you feel the same way as my husband.
Truthfully, his family is DYSFUNCTIONAL.
My husband is a believer of Father, Son, & Holy Spirit, and that's all he'll go. Too bad, because there is much more love he can experience from his heavenly Father if he would walk the path. It is sad when a parent does not fully love their child but I don't know if the 1st. part is true. When you was a growing boy your parents must have given you alot of love. Jehovah God does not teach hate, and I hope for your sake you are not "petending" because my husband I know is "reality".
Like I said it is sad for someone to carry a burden like that.

EDIT Oh I see, nobody likes my answer. Why??? It is a true story. Sometimes I just wonder when I am being truthful, is the other also being the same? It's no harm to ask when the story sounds unrealistic.
When I was VERY young I had friends that was JW and the TRUTH is they always wanted to be nice to the non JW family and relatives. In fact they would go out of their way for their relatives and one of my friends, one time I cried for her, because the non JW relative was so rude and mean to her; also threw insults at her in front the other's when there was a gathering. I didn't hear any JW baptize person say anything about how badly they have been mistreated and made embarrass in front other's. My friends were the JW's and they were the ones that was SHUNNED. True story and so sad. Maybe that's why I didn't pursue to join them because I was afraid to go through that kind of hell. Lord have mercy!

Answer 8

This is usually in Cults.
In Islam if a child refuses to pay obedience, and does not pray from- some say age of 5, they should be beaten, so when they reach puberty they are familiar with the practices and pray 5 times a day and observe the rituals.
Even in mosques the Imam keeps with him a cane or a stick to hit the children with during the quranic sessions.

I suppose humans can be forgiven, but any cult leaders should burn in the hell they created.

Answer 9

I've read your post several times over the last couple of days and have refrained from commenting because I see you've gotten some very fine answers here. I take issue with those who have stated their doubts of your truthfulness based on their experiences growing up. Everyone's experience is their own truth, and every ex-Witness here knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that your recollection of your upbringing is the God's Truth. It's this way with those who want more out of life than to live the life the Organization has planned for them. I want you to know I applaud your bravery for putting this out there.

How can you forgive your father? In the beginning, all you'll feel toward him is anger and pity. But eventually, you'll understand that to move on, you have to understand (forgive?) that they are only doing what they know. However, you must protect what you want for your life to be. You cannot live your life to make your parents happy, you have your life to live as you choose, just as they're living the life they chose.

I agree with the ones of those who say to not make a sudden break, to just fade away. that way your parents will not have to "side" with anyone over associating with you. I would also become closer with your brothers and any extended non-JW family you have. You will need all the support you can get and those relationships are hard to build the older you get.

If it is ok, I will pray for you to find peace and bravery in your resolution. God Bless.

Answer 10

I have heard how parents do things to their children to follow faith of certain religion. Being young and forced despite bribing and beatings, that confuses your trust and you later find out as you get older, others didn't get what you got---refer to bribes or beatings.

I understood that once leaving home after the age if 18, you were free to do whatever, despite severing ties with JW, they alienate you further. You love your Father and that was very clear with no hate feelings, although the way you were raised by them wasn't a very healthy upbringing. You made a decision, NOT for them---FOR YOU, how you feel and what you really want out of life?

I don't believe there is a end, but a new beginning in your life...Finding new friends WHO can understand where YOU came from, with judgement.

The word is: A NEW CHAPTER, in your life---you can start searching for God's calling, to what you feel connected with what type of religion & faith (something that has absolute no control over your lifestyle and whatnot)...TEST the waters of whatever place you visit of religion, or research...Most of all, take your time---there's no deadlines here---(smile)

Good luck mi amigo!

Answer 11

There's a lot of material to read on the net, so I skimmed through it and I think I found a good page for you. It has lots of links, including to other members who have left, people with the same experience who help each other. It is not connected to any other religions or organisations as far as I can tell.
http://www.angelfire.com/pa/greywlf/jws.html

As for forgiving your father: you will, eventually, but maybe not just now. But if the anger you feel inside is hurting you, try thinking this way: "I forgive my father however, I don't condone his acts."

I wish you strength on your way - after all it is YOUR life and you have shown, by leaving, that you understand your responsibility for it.