Did I do the right thing?

Question

I found out this weekend that my 18 year old brother is taking hard drugs. I knew he smoked pot and thought it was just a phase, so didn’t worry about it, especially as I’d be hypocritical, having had my share of the clubbing scene. Although seeing where my brother was this weekend has made me feel so sick I shall never touch another drug again in my life.

However, when I found out he’s smoking skunk most days, and that he’s started taking class A’s too… My heart broke. I found out where he was (he hadn’t been home all night again) and went to get him. The place was disgusting, kicked in walls and grubby sofa… Looked like a crack den, reminded me of trainspotting. I found out also that he’d been trying to drive his car when off his face, when it was off-road and the brakes weren’t working. He had crashed it the week before, doing 80 in a 40 zone.

I panicked and told my family what he’s been doing, including my brother who is a policeman.

He basically stormed to my little brothers, searched his room, found weed and knives and told the little one that he’d seen his picture on a police file that day (to remove the blame from me), and that the police were watching the houses he’s going to. He said he had to lie to his sergeant and say he didn’t recognize lil bro. If lil bro gets caught, big bro will get sacked for lying.

He’s threatened him and said he will put tabs on him and if he goes anywhere near these people again, he will personally arrest him.

It breaks my heart, he’s always been such a good kid. He’s just sunk into this world over the last few months, and even sold some belongings to pay for his habit. I’m so scared he may have started smoking heroin.

I feel guilty for betraying him, but didn’t know what else I could do. He’s very upset about everything.

Tell me, have I done the right thing? I’m worried he may run away.

And I feel like such a hypocrite having put him in the spotlight.

Answer 1

You have absolutely done the right thing. When people are in the midst of a drug haze they cannot see the damage they ar doing to themselves and their family. You may have saved his life if he does get clean and sober. He has to take it from here though and do the rest of the work. A drug addict will try to pull you into his world and make you a part of it, thereby making it harder for you to come forward and tell them what they are doing is wrong. Trust me if your brother had died because you did nothing you would feel much worse. Telling was the right thing to do.

Answer 2

Hey.
Of caurse you did the right thing. I think though the family should do more than just threaten him to stay away from bad places, because that will not help him with him with his drug problem. It is always better to tell the family when things like this happen. If not then you carry a very heavy secret around with you . And if anything were to ever happen to himyou would feel even worse for never saying anything in the first place. YOU DID THE RIGHT THING.
Read the book " a million little pieces" the guy that wrote it was a naughty in stating that EVERYTHING in the book is fact. But it a really good book if you want some sort of understanding about what he might be going through.

Please don't feel bad. You really did do the right thing

Answer 3

You absolutely did the right thing. It's called "tough love." If you were to ignore the situation, then you're brother could potentially get worse, get arrested and go to jail for a long time, and even die. He may be angry or mad at you now, but he will thank you when he comes around. Sometimes good people make decisions and fall into these problems. What matters now is what he does from this point on. Don't be afraid to continue to actively watch him and put him in the spotlight. You are NOT a hypocrit. Some of the most influential people are those who have been through the experience themselves. Just because you've done it doesn't mean you can't tell your brother to stop, esp if he is doing hard drugs.

Answer 4

Knowing that it was the right thing to do is most likely why you did it. And: Knowing (in the end) that doing nothing is really even worse.

I had a brother who got into addictions early in life and "we" all knew it but no one really "did" anything. We all talked to him and at one point his wife gave him an ultimatum so he cleaned up for about two years. He went back to the addictions and he passed away in 2002. He lived a pretty bad life before then.

We miss him and always loved him and I'm not sure he ever knew how much we did. I have felt that we didn't "do" anything and I have to live with that. I wish we had done SOMETHING, even if it was wrong...

I would have done anything, rather than nothing... just to know I at least tried. Your older brother probably knows that tough love works at least sometimes and doing nothing never does.

Furthermore, enabling doesn't help either, it keeps them going in the wrong direction. Good Luck with your family, I know what a strain it is.

Answer 5

I'd have done the same myself.

Remember that what you did was out of love and concern for your brother and no one can fault that.

In the long run, he will be thankful for someone stepping in and intervening. Perhaps now he will take steps to get the help and support he needs to come off the drugs and get his life together again.

Think also about the lives you have potentially saved by highlighting your brother's problem - he may now be far less likely to get behind the wheel of a car again whilst on drugs.

Don't beat yourself up about this. You did what any sister should do - not for your own means but to help him.

Answer 6

This is hard situation for any family to go through. You did the right thing. If your brother is abusing hard drugs, and has already gotten to the point where he is stealing to support his habit then he needs help. I am sorry to hear about your family situation, but there is help out there. The problem is that your lil bro is going to have to want to get help. Otherwise there isn't much you can do. (Unless he is a minor)
The best thing you can do right now, if he refuses to seek treatment, is to cut ties with him. All of your family needs to do this. Your brother needs to hit rock bottom before he wakes up and realizes what his life has become. Hopefully he will realize it before something horrible happens. I will pray for your family and ask for blessings to be upon you. Take care.

Answer 7

If he had died, or killed someone when driving high on drugs, you would feel a thousand times more guilty, and it would be on your mind for the rest of your life, as you did nothing. As well, druggies steal from their families, including treasured possessions as they get into a state where they don't care.

You did the right thing, you were terrified for him.Your policeman brother should now help him get professional help. The reason he went so ballistic is not just out of love, but his career is at stake, and he does not deserve that. It is now up to little brother to sort himself out.

Answer 8

I work with people that have substance misuse issues. I think you did do the right thing. It may give him the wake up call he needs to get himself sorted and get some help. Drugs are a powerful thing, if he does run it won't be your fault. At the end of the day, he is making his own choices, you and your family can only do so much. He himself started this, and it's him that will ultimately have to deal with it and end it.

Answer 9

You have done the right thing.

When you say you feel hypocritical I assume its because you have dabbled. however, if you are able to see that the scene that he has got himself involved in is seriously bad, then I'd guess that whatever you have done is not as bad and probably a bit more controlled.

We all make mistakes, if you realised yours early enough to stop before you damaged yourself then good for you. Good for you also for trying to help your brother who may not have realised until it was too late.

Answer 10

i would give you a huge hug if i could!!!!
you did the right thing!!! if i had been able to help my brother he would not be a free loading druggie right now.. i was to young to know any better then!! if there were only more people like you in the world it would be a better place!!!!!! i would have turned him to to the police. but i geuss your brother is the next best thing!!
good luck!! MAY GOD BE WITH YOU. MAY HE HOLD YOUR HAND WHEN YOU ARE TO AFRAID TO STAND ALONE. MAY HE WIPE YOUR TEARS WHEN YOU ARE SAD AND WEEPING!!!
be strong!!