my daughter was asking whether or not she should discuss her religion with a friend?

Question

this is in relation to this question http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AqAT3RH8pGPjD5i0DUXCocjAFQx.;_ylv=3?qid=20070917062420AAewwTJ

the friend doesn't know that we're pagan. her family are proud christians. the friend even has christian music on her mp3 player. the girls are 12 and go to school together.

we are private about our religious beliefs simply because i feel religion is a private matter.

in your opinion, should my daughter tell her friend before going to the bible camp with her, after the bible camp, or not tell her at all, and why?

vwgirl - most pagans are very open to other ideas and encourage their children to learn as much about the world as they can. this is one way of doing that.

Answer 1

Were it my child, I would tell her to wait until they get back from bible camp, this way your daughter will not have to deal with a possible "full court press" from her friend and the counselors.
Also by waiting until afterwords your daughter doesn't have to feel that she is putting her friend in an awkward position of telling or not telling the counselors about her non-Christian friends spiritual path.

As Nightwind said, bible camp is just that, it's about being Christian, generally speaking if you are not one when you go, there will be an attempt to guide you towards that.

I don't know anything about the camp so I can't say how they might respond if your daughter makes it plain she is not interested in converting, but then who can tell, she might, she is a child and has only a child's experience to draw upon for dealing with these kind of situations.

Answer 2

I wouldn't send her to Bible camp. Bible camps are not made for people seeking academic info about Christianity. Bible camps are for Christians. She will be expected to pray and talk about Jesus's influence on her life and so forth, at which point she will either have to lie, or she will have to admit she's not pagan. Do you really want her stuck at a Christian camp when all the other 12 year olds know she doesn't believe? 12 year olds are horrifically cruel. She will be the biggest outcast there.

As for her telling her friend, that's her decision. Like you said, religion is a private matter. No one should tell her she should make it public. I always support people who are open about it, but I will not push someone in that direction.

If you're insistant about sending her to this camp, I would vote for telling the friend beforehand instead of after. The friend may feel very lied to (with good reason) if they went through camp with your daughter pretending to be a Christian.

Answer 3

It's up to her, but keep in mind that most Christians have a very skewed view of what exactly Paganism is. It might be a good opportunity for her to clear up some misconceptions. But it might also "scare" her friend away, unfortunately. It shouldn't though, and it may depend on the girl. I'm guessing that if they already have a friendship, the girl already knows your daughter is a good person.

I would say your daughter can tell her friend that she doesn't believe in the Bible, and if the friend asks any more questions she could answer them. But what you don't want to happen is for other campers, or even counselors, to gang up against your daughter. Again, this wouldn't happen at the type of camp I've worked at, but you never know.

Answer 4

Religion is a personal thing, you are right. While your daughter may be excited about sharing a weekend with her friend, religion is not just fun, nor just another experience and these kind of camps are educational, organised to increase awareness between people of the same faith.
The girls are friends and religion does not usually stand between friends in my experience because friends usually accept and respect one another for who they are. Now, if your daughter goes there at all costs, her friend should know the truth, friends usually share this kind of knowledge. Otherwise, she may feel cheated by your daughter. Your daughter could end up feeling alienated in a bible camp, as a member of another faith, especially one so opposite to paganism. If the girls talk about it before going and the situation gets sorted out, your daughter could have a better time in the camp or it could be found out that it is not advisable she participates if she practises another faith.Good luck.

Answer 5

Your pagan daughter is going to bible camp just to be with her friend.

Either your daughter is a masochist, or that must be a really good friend.

Why is she going to bible camp?

I would tell her before, Going to bible camp gives an implication that your daughter is a Christian. While a don't-ask-don't-tell position is kind of a necessary evil in American society, to give a false impression is to be untrue. Better that your daughter's friend be told the reality before the trip rather than during or after.

I think your daughter needs to tell her the real reasons for going to bible camp too, just in case her friend get an impression that the is convertible when she (I assume) is not.

Answer 6

Personally, I have had a few bad experiences with letting people know I'm Pagan. (Or more accurately, not Christian. They'd have been horrified if I were a Buddhist or a Satanist, too.)

I don't think that we should lie about who we are, and our actions and words should be a reflection of ourselves. But I also don't see the need to use labels to define who we are. If they are friends, your daughter should continue being Pagan/Wiccan without having to announce or defend her beliefs.

However, I do think it will be hard for her to go to this camp and NOT end up with everyone knowing if she has accepted jesus as her personal savior, etc. It might be better to have you explain to the other child's parents a little bit about your beliefs, or at least about how you are letting your children form their own beliefs.

Answer 7

Riegan,
Such a thing might cause a rift beyween two good friends and I think that would be bad at this point, Don't YOU? I would allow her to experience the camp and decide then if the friend should know or not. That would allow her to find out what this friend is really like toward others . I hope that you and she discuss it and make a decision that you can BOTH live with. I do not hold the same view as most of my friends but we are much older and are able to understand that this is not that important in our friendship. Have a wonderful time studying and making your decision.
Friends,
Eds

EDIT:
Zao,
You are absolutely Brilliant! Thank you for this answer. I am in awe of your answer and sorry that I did not think in this manner! Thank YOU!!


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Answer 8

I think it is up to her. Does she feel secure in her friendship? How does she think the other girl would react? Are they Proud, or are they fundies. Do they openly bash other religions?

If they seem like they would be alright with it, I think its ok to talk about it. And I would say before bible camp. She can tell her that while she is not Christian, that she would like to learn more. This might also ease the news.

If they seem like they are likely to down her, bash her beliefs, or tell her shes going to hell. I wouldn't mention it. Then again, I wouldn't want to keep a friend that cannot accept me and my religion.

Answer 9

Wait, why is your girl going to Bible camp?

I would say she should really think about how strong their friendship is. Some Christians don't want to be associated with pagans, others couldn't care less.

Though I must say, I am a pagan that listens to Christian rock.

Answer 10

I guess I'm confused. Why is your daughter going to Bible camp in the first place? Is she exploring her beliefs? Is she doing it because her Christian friend wants her to?

If I were your daughter, I'd feel awfully uncomfortable at this camp, pretending to be something I'm not. I think she should either come clean about her beliefs or just not go at all.