My husband left me in June 07, told me he didn't love me anymore. Found out 2 weeks later he had been cheating on me with a lady at work since Jan. 07. Of course he denied it, (I don't know if she knew that). He was becoming very materialistic, thinking everything was going to be greener on the other side I suppose. He works at a college dental school, and yes the other woman was a 2 year resident (dentist). Prior to me knowing about this woman he would stay gone after work, wouldn't call, would just come home when he was ready... told me he wasn't cheating, I needed to have trust, he was only out drinking with the guys because this was something he didn't do when he was in his 20's, now he is in his 30's. Well.... I met this guy in August, went ahead & went to dinner with him (felt guilty) didn't know if it was proper. My divorce should be final Oct. 30th. Is it wrong for me to go on with my life without my divorce being final? Two wrongs don't make it right. This guy is wonderful.
2007-09-17 01:51:59 · 22 answers · asked by Crystal S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It is alright to date, but I would be honest about your status with the guy.
2007-09-17 01:56:45 · answer #1 · answered by Steve C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldnt feel guilty, you are not cheating, you are only married on paper, and because of the time it takes to get a divorce. He may have physically left in June, but he was gone in Jan.
Get on with your life!
I was in the same situation, cheating husband ended up leaving, took forever to file for divorce (I was not going to spend the money he is the one who left) I met this great guy.. before the divorce was even filed but husband had been gone for months and made it clear that he was not coming back.. so I dated this great guy, we ended up married with 2 kids.. If I would have waited for the ex to get off his butt and the paperwork to go thru I could have missed out on what I have now.
Your "husband" got on with his life before you knew your marriage was over. You have wasted enough time on him, dont waste one more minute... call that great guy right now and make another date!
2007-09-17 09:02:44 · answer #2 · answered by billiecep2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are correct, two wrongs don't make a right...but you should think of this -
basically your husband decided that your marriage could be reduced down to a piece of paper - just down to the license itself...
You are sitting here waiting for what? A piece of paper to come in the end of October...
Face it - the marriage is over - the divorce of emotions and so on has pretty much taken place - all you are waiting on is that piece of paper.
Go - be happy - and just make sure that things move ahead at a pace you are comfortable with.
2007-09-17 09:00:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not wrong to date before the divorce is final and my ex was the one who cheated and wanted the divorce and was with her new lover while our lawyers were working on settlement..I dated after awhile after I was served divorce papers but it came back to haunt me when my ex refused to to pay bills that she agreed to saying that I had enough money to be dating that I could pay all of the bills , she was totally wrong but it did hold up the divorce and cost me more money with the lawyers writing letters back and fourth...The feeling guilty thing will go away eventually , it's part of the moving on process and that's why I did date before it was final you have to start somewhere..If it's not going to cause you any legal problems , then do it and enjoy yourself , you can't just sit home and wait for the divorce to be finalized lifes to short..
2007-09-17 09:28:42 · answer #4 · answered by Confused 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The same scenerio happened to me, my ex-wife was very abuse to me and the children and so forth to a degree where it left me no choice but to leave for the childrens sake... I thought my life was overwith, I really just gave up on joy, to the point where I lost about twenty pounds because of depression and the inabilty to eat. This girl I knew from church who was really just an associate for the past 3 years, started really sewing into me helping me get my feet back on the ground being there for me and just over all being amazing... my divorce still had about two months to go before it was final but I thought it was already final, I didnt find this out till after we were already dating but I wasnt about to push this awsome God send away... I tell you the same if he treats you good and is as amazing as you say he his... why push such a thing away? If you still feel really guilty then mabey you should stop making love untill your divorce is final.. and if he really cares about you then girl he will wait. Mad Love
2007-09-17 09:04:05 · answer #5 · answered by Stimulant 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because your husband cheated doesn't make it OK for you to do it. My personal opinion is that even if the marriage is "dead," until the divorce is final you are still married. Married people are supposed to be monogamous. If I were you I would hold off on dating at least until the day that your divorce is final. If this new guy is really as great as you say, then he will respect your wish to wait to date him until you are legally free of your marriage contract.
2007-09-17 09:00:40 · answer #6 · answered by Sari 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there's no chance of reconciliation in your marriage, why shouldn't you get on with your life? As long as you're not leading your husband to believe you could get back together, and you're being honest with the new guy, then carry on. Just don't get in a huge hurry to jump into another serious relationship. Give yourself time to totally get over the broken marriage and reflect on what went wrong so you can avoid those problems in the future. Don't feel guilty as long as you are being totally honest.
2007-09-17 09:00:03 · answer #7 · answered by classic1957gal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if you were to date right now, it would be from a position of rebound and sounds like maybe even a little bit of twisted revenge. Not to say it doesn't sound justified, only that in doing it for the wrong reasons gets you nowhere and certainly nowhere closer to where you want to be. The fact that you felt guilty means you are not ready. It sounds like in explaining what he did, that you are trying to justify your dating.
Do yourself a favor and try and get over the hurt and violation of your heart and move into the dating scene from a place of healthy perspective.
2007-09-17 09:03:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be very careful in dating because even though he has done much worse than you, if he brings it up in the divorce proceedings then it makes you look like the slutty wife and he is divorcing YOU for cause. If you then come back with accusations, you look like someone trying to do the "oh, yeah?" thing.
I know your hubby done you wrong, but if the divorce is final next month, and this new guy is wonderful, won't he wait?
2007-09-17 09:00:48 · answer #9 · answered by Shredded Cottage Cheese 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not necessarily. It depends on you, don't feel as though you have to go out with a guy to feel a void now left, but if it truly makes you happy then so be it. Your husband is wrong, so you need not feel guilty about it. It is now time for you to move on with your life, and be happy. If this guy makes you happy, then that is wonderful, and I wish you all the luck.
2007-09-17 08:58:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in your right to date. this guy who is soon to be your ex-husband was already doing it even before you even knew about a possible divorce. go ahead and live your life the way you deserve it. good luck
2007-09-17 09:00:53 · answer #11 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋