My biological mother married an abusive man when I was 3 years old. A year later I was in foster care. She chose her husband over her 4-year-old first-born daughter.
I have never maintained a relationship with this woman. She was told by her parents, my grandparents, when I had my children and never made contact. But never contacted us in anyway.
Two years have past since the birth of my Twin boys where born and we have never received a card or phone call from her.
Today I received a phone call from my grandparents, asking if my biological mother & my two half brothers could come up to my house and stay for a couple of days. Met my family. Apparently she is going through a tough time at the moment with a divorce, blah blah blah.
I do NOT want her any where near my family & I –FULL STOP!!
I feel she couldn’t raise me so why should she think about seeing my babies??
Am I justified in denying her right to see my children??
SOME ONE PLEASE HELP ME!!!!
2007-09-17 00:23:59 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I would not let her visit...no way, no how! She gave up her rights to calling you her daughter when she put you in foster care. How could someone do that?! I'm sorry, no one comes before my baby. Especially not a man!
She had plenty of time to try and contact you. And when you had your boys should have been the perfect ice breaker. But now that she is going thru a rough patch, she needs you? Forget it! How dare she...
What about all those years you needed your mom. Puberty, the teenage years, your prom, dating advice, marriage(if you are married), pregnancy, child birth...
You made it without her. And she made it with out you all those years, just because she's alone now she needs you? ha! get a life, lady!
I wish you the best of luck and it seems you are doing JUST FINE without her.
2007-09-17 01:49:03 · answer #1 · answered by savannah710c 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have the absolute right to deny your biological mother access to yourself and your children. I just want you to think over a few things. Yes your mother gave you up. Why would she do that? Would it have been better to have kept you, so you also could have been a victim of her abusive husband? Most woman who stay in abusive relationships stay because they are weak. They don't know how to fight back. They are controlled and it is hard to get away. Basically scared. Have you ever thought to speak to her and ask her why she made the mistakes she did? Now that she is no longer with her husband. Do you think she is trying to make amends with you? I personally would not let her stay at my home. But I would speak to her, just to find out her reasons. You have so much anger towards this person, as you have every right to. You have to ask yourself, Am I the better person? We are not talking about greeting her with open arms, that would be impossible. Just think about it. If you can't, then do what you think is right for yourself. If that means not ever talking to her, then so be it. Good luck sweetie, wish you the best.
2007-09-17 00:54:38 · answer #2 · answered by HotNurse71 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I understand what you are saying but do you really need to completely cut off your family. What she did to you was wrong and I understand that you will always hold a grudge against her for abandoning you.
The woman might really want to know her family and get to know what she gave up. Lots of women who give children up for adoption often think about the child. I would try and arrange some one on one time between you and your mother. Once you have a relationship with her then introduce your half brothers. If your mother simply wants to spend time with you to get to know each other then she will be more than happy to agree to this.
As for completely stopping her from seeing her grandchildren you are on thin ice. From reading the question it would appear that you are from the UK not USA. There is a law where grandparents have a right to access to there grandchildren and is very similar to non custodial parents.
2007-09-17 01:03:13 · answer #3 · answered by clint_slicker 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are compleletly justified. If she would not protect her own child from an abusive man, what makes you think she will protect your precious babies from someone or from herself. You have a responsiblity to protect your babies and NOBODY has the right the force you to see her, or let her see your children. Nothing that is wrong is her life, divorce or whatever, is worse than her allowing someone to hurt you when you were little, so she deserves nothing from you, except your contempt. If the rest of your family doens't understand, than oh well, they will get over it. Don't cave in, be strong. Good luck.
2007-09-17 05:21:13 · answer #4 · answered by hargonagain 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No don't let her see them. But she is still your biological mother so she has a right to see them. My sister and brother's grandmother has never seen my brother and the last time she saw my 7 year old sister was when she was 1 or 2 years old. She's a jerk and I actually prefer her not to see my brother or sister. She never calls or even knows where they live. Do what you think is best for you kids.
2007-09-17 05:01:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No ! Keep your children completely out of this screwed up mess. By all means protect your Babies from the insanity !
Your children's welfare comes before anything else in the world .
You sound like a loving Mommy !
2007-09-17 01:42:35 · answer #6 · answered by Bemo 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no way would she meet my family if it were me!!!! Not now anyways. If anything, you meet with her without hubby and children. Perhaps get to know her maybe find out her reasons for not being there for you. She may be a very nice, caring person, but maybe not. I would find out alot about her before introducing her to your family. Perhaps by putting you and foster care and not raising you was a much better life you for.
2007-09-17 03:26:02 · answer #7 · answered by Molly 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i feel for you in what you are going through i would not let them come anywhere near you as it is to late to try and become friends. she was the one that threw that chance away years ago and you cant fix this sort of thing in a couple of days if ever.it is heart renching to say no but this is the time for you to have with your children and give them what you can and stuff the others.it was also very weak of you biological mother to have to go threw you grandparents.tells you what sort of person she is.
2007-09-17 00:41:09 · answer #8 · answered by clowney 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I wouldnt let her stay at my house for a "couple" days either. But the welfare of my half brothers would bother me a little,they didnt do anything wrong kwim? Maybe your grandmother could let them stay at her house and you could maybe arrange a visit, first without your babies,and then if you feel comfortable go from there.
2007-09-17 01:56:01 · answer #9 · answered by Megan 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i do no longer think of that the government can administration if a baby molester chooses to have toddlers, except....except he's on chemical castration treatment, which suppresses his libido and choose in direction of intercourse in maximum circumstances. It probable relies upon on which state you're in, yet in actuality, as quickly as a con is off probation and has finished doing his time, the regulation extremely has no jurisdiction over what he does or how he lives his existence. Will he would desire to sign in as a baby molester /sexual criminal? confident, that's is a call for in many states(uncertain whether this is in all states). Will the law enforcement officers nonetheless watch him? on condition that he hangs around places the place young toddlers are, appearing suspiciously, etc, or if somebody in his community notices that he's attempting to get on the fringe of toddlers(in the event that they even understand that he's a baby molester). understand that there are countless levels of sexual offenses relating to the under elderly. If, as an occasion, he became into 19 and had intercourse with somebody who wasn't the criminal age to grant consent, whether she became into greater desirable than prepared, this is seen a intercourse offense/sexual molestation. Then there are the authentic pedophiles who pray on young toddlers. that's the style of intercourse offenses. the different unhappy ingredient is that many intercourse offenders molest their very own young toddlers, their young toddlers' friends, etc. Or they marry women individuals with youthful toddlers and molest them. i do no longer think of that a molester can extremely be prevented from having touch with young toddlers, one way or yet another.
2016-11-14 16:24:07 · answer #10 · answered by jetter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋