My nan was really ill in may. Had pnuemonia. When she left hospital it was decided that she was too frail to live back at her home alone and went to live with my mum.
My mum has had her for 2 months now and finding it a struggle as mum is disabled herself. Ps she is 84
Mum has called a meeting with me on Weds without nan knowing... really worried she is going to say that she cant look after her alone anymore... I have a small house and 2 kids so i couldnt take her and my sister is in the same situation. Would you encourage your elderly relative to go into assisted accommodation in these circumstances or what would you do?
She would find living alone too hard. She has had previous heart attacks and cant manage the housework alone so living back in her own house isnt an option!
2007-09-16 23:58:54 · 16 answers · asked by JustJem 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Hmmm thats a difficult decision for you to make, as you said you and your sister have your own family to look after and wouldn't be able to give your Nan the help she needs no matter how much you'd like to. Is living in her house with assistance an option? She can have a helper come in every morning and evening to make sure shes ok, do a bit of housework or anything else for her?? Or if needs be asissted accomadation may have to be the answer with your Mum and you and your sister visitng as much as possible, say twice a week each. Don't feel guilty, easier said than done I know, but I'm sure you're Nan wouldn't want to be a burden and there are some lovely homes if you do your research, good luck x
2007-09-17 00:07:10 · answer #1 · answered by Tina B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My nan stayed with our family for over 10 years and eventually my mum had to put her in to a home as she was becoming doubly incontinent and my mum had kids, a husband and house to run. It just got too much for her to deal with by herself. My mum did feel guilty after her death and my mums sister also made her feel guilty about it (although she never helped, not once). Ultimately it is a difficult decision to make but I think your nan should be involved in the decision making, she is probably aware of the situation and feels like a burden. I would look into good local supported accomodation for elderly people and make an appointment with an occupational therapist or social worker who will give you professional advice on your options. There are a lot of gadgets out there which can help practically so there is not a lot of lifting or anything. Don't make any decisions without looking at all of the options available and it is your nans life so she has to be listened to as well. Good luck :)
2007-09-17 02:56:07 · answer #2 · answered by mum to 2 boys, girl on the way 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who made the decision that your nan couldn't go home? I hope that your nan was involved in it because she isn't a lump of meat to be passed around. If it was the authorities/social services, then they should be able to help you, your mum and sister....and your nan. Does your nan's old house/home still exist or has it been sold in her absence? Could she go back home with loads of help from social services and the family? What does your nan think about the present situation? How does she feel about going into a nursing home? She MUST be included in any decision-making on what happens in the future. Sadly, I think you're all in a no-win situation so compromise has to be the solution.
2007-09-17 00:12:25 · answer #3 · answered by chris n 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you have a duty to do what's best for your nan. and looking at the situations your family are in
i.e. your mums disability, you and your sister with a busy life and two children. The best place for your nan is either a residential home or what you have suggested assisted accomodation. There is no shame in admiting that you/your family are finding it difficult to cope, as long as you keep regular contact with nan (so she dont feel abandoned/dumped) she should be ok, these places have a thriving community with regular activities for the pensioners clubs and allsorts, and emergency help is always to hand 24/7 i see no reason not to suggest this option to your nan.
good luck
2007-09-17 00:15:46 · answer #4 · answered by alfiebeachy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should do a decent thing and try to take care of her yourself no matter how hard it is going to be - get some help if you need. But plz, I think it is cruel to put someone in the elderly home... I would feel so unappreciated and sad... Being old sucks . old and alone - unbearable. She is 84, sorry to say that - but you would not be in this situation for very long, but at least after she goes you will know that you have done the right thing and guilt will not be eating you away.
2007-09-17 00:24:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, in this situation it seems that taking care of your nan at home is really not a viable option. Depending on your nans health, the options are sheltered accommodation with an on site warden, or residential or nursing care. Or, is it possible that she could remain at home with visiting carers? They could visit her several times a day in order to help with her needs. I understand that this will be a difficult decision for your family to make, but sometimes in order for your relatives needs to be met properly, it is necessary to take these steps. In your situation I have to say that I would encourage my relative to enter into a situation where I knew their needs were being met properly.
2007-09-17 00:16:07 · answer #6 · answered by purpleandroid 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should get a social worker involved and explain the situation to her. One option might be a residential home paid for by your local authority. Or you might qualify for assistance at home etc. You should not carry this responsibility yourself with a young family, there is help out there, but in the meantime don't agree to anything until your Nan has been assessed by social services.
2007-09-17 00:11:18 · answer #7 · answered by Spiny Norman 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No i would not encourage her to live into a nursing home. Family is family is family all day long. And i dont know about you, but my family are very important to me. i wouldn't care if I had a 1 room shack with my 4 children, husband and a dog....... if my grandma and mother were both up in age they would be more than welcome to call my shack home. The only way they would end up in a nursing home is if they decided thats where they wanted to go.... but they wouldn't.
But this is just me. Im very close to my mother and both my grandmothers. I dont know the situation between you and your relatives past what you posted here. So you do what you feel is best for you and your family. But as for mine.... it wouldn't even be an option.
2007-09-17 01:01:34 · answer #8 · answered by Mrs Jackson - West 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if it is in your nan's best interest then yes. there are homes where they can come and go when they are want so she can still come to you and your mom's house when she wants
when some older people go in to nursing homes they think that their family do no care about them any more just make sure that if you do decide to go down this path then explain to you nan and get her to understand that you are not giving up on him you just need a helping hand
good luck to you and all your family i hope it all works out for the best :)
2007-09-17 06:33:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would encourage it , it s really hard and stressful when youve got kids of your own to look after, dont feel bad. Personally if i was your nan id feel better, she'll have people her own age to talk to and wont feel like a burden . Youll all be happier in the long run.
2007-09-17 07:09:13 · answer #10 · answered by Swan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋