How can I get my wife interested in life again?

Question

Serious question, so please, no smutty or childish answers.
My wife used to have loads of interests and was quite an active person.
Now she seems to have lost all interest in life, and is content to get out of bed at lunchtime, and sit in front of the telly all day with the curtains closed until it's bedtime again. Never going anywhere and never meeting anyone.
She's got a disability, but it doesn't impair her physical ablity to do things for herself. She just chooses not to bother.
The situation I'm trying to help her with seems more to be a general umbrella of lethargy and apathy, possibly bordering on depression.
I so desperately want to help her, but she doesn't seem to see this as a problem.
How can I get her motivated so that she wants to pull herself out of this downwardly spiralling rut that she's found herself in?

Answer 1

hi swampy ,this is like reading about myself there a few years back i know exactly how she feels ,you didnt say what age she is could she be going through the menopause ? def also sounds like depression ,drove my husband to despare i could have stayed in bed forever ,i knew i had to get up but for love nor money i just couldnt wait till it got dark so i could go back to bed , if she wont go see the doc get the doc to make a house call she desparatly needs anti-depressants of some kind ,and once they kick in hopefully she will start to see light at the end of this dark tunnel cos thats what it feels like , and for you i know its hard take a step back cos if you do all the housework making meals ect she will let you ,cos i did i thought why worry "hes" there to do it for me ,i know she probly dosnt mean that but depression makes you feel like that ,lethargy and apathy, is the most comman symptoms of menopause and depression or both , it was only when my husband got the doctor to call in to see me and gave me medication which took about 6 weeks to kick in i eventually, slow but sure managed to see things as they were ,im still on medication but whats a pill a day for the rest of my life as long as im out of that dark tunnell , your wife will also see this but she def needs help ASAP , with your support she will eventually hope to start feeling better , hope this is of any help to you and another thing "you"must take care also because looking after somebody with a mental illness can take make a big strain on you to let us know how you get on and tc to youse both fingers x it will all work out for youse both x

Answer 2

she probably isnt yet in a serious stage of clinical depression, but as you say, serious apathy bordering on depression. i think the best thing to do at this stage is to literally give her a reason to live again and a reason to get up in the mornings as she needs a focus and something to look forward to.i have seen this work wonders in similar situations.

she needs an interest. you don't specifiy her disability so i can't offer you specifics, but a project, a hobby, an interest or a group or even a pet such as a cat often give the person a new lease of life. Have a htink about what you think would have this impact on your wife. A project of some description is perfect as the person always has a boost of self esteem seeing their plans come together to form a whole, and it makes a person feel very positive. I'm sorry I can't help more but perhaps some lines to think along?

Answer 3

She needs a reason to bother going out, I think you should take her camping in the South of France (or anywhere) for a few days, it sounds like she really needs something to reignite her fire...go do something together a walk in the country, anything just get her out of the house and get some fresh air into her head & Lungs, it's a mood thing, I wouldn't turn to the doctors just yet for fear they put her on medication which might only make things worse in the long run...convince her outdoors is the new indoors....don't let her away with sitting around all day, she seems to have got into a very bad habbit...
Don't be afraid to ball her out of it, it really sounds she needs a good kick in the *** and until you start kickin she won't start moving....
She's obviously upset by something, don't stop pushing until she comes out with it....even if it brings tears...
Best of Luck, I hope everthing works out for the 2 of you...

Answer 4

She might not be "choosing" to not do anything besides sitting in front of the telly, or not do anything else. Sounds like clinical depression. Why not talk with her about seeing a therapist, or better yet, a psychiatrist, which is a dr. who can prescribe medication if necessary. Depression affects everyone around the inflicted. It's sad. I suffer from it. Try to be gentle about it when you bring it up, because I'm sure she knows how she is affecting you. Good luck.

Answer 5

hi your wife should have some blood test done to see if there is any illness that is causing her to be this way , it could be a thyroid problem , so best to get it checked out , although it does sound like she is suffering from depression , encourge her to talk to you to say how she really feels , give her time and patience while she is going through this , if you are really concerned about her , ring your doctors and ask if they would pay her a home visit , once you get a diagnosis of the problem she can get the right medicaion and start to feel more posotive , the very best of luck to the both of you x

Answer 6

Hi, I am sorry to hear about your wife's condition. I would say a visit to the GP would be the first step. The GP could assess whether she is depressed or if there is a physical cause that is making her feel tired etc. It would also be beneficial if friends/ relatives could help too. She is very lucky to have you as a support and it is, not doubt, hard for you too. Good luck.

Answer 7

I was like this for about 2years, it started off as small things and developed into clinical depression and agraphobia. I would as others have said call the doctor, ask them to make a home visit. it sounds as though she is depressed, i would explain to her that your concerned about her, suggest an evening indoors, a meal, film, something to brighten her up, start off gradual, expecting her to go outside, take a walk, cinema etc would be far too intimading for her. I urge you to be understanding and be there for her, i know how hard it is to be compassionate and how frustrating it is, but she needs that security, you'll be her strength and reason to improve if she does have depression, giving up on her will make her see no reason to get well, possibly trigger much worse depression symtoms.

I hope things get better for you both.

Answer 8

To me it sounds as though your wife has depression, so she may need to visit her doctor, if not try doing things together that u first did when u started going out, going to cinema, dinner etc. is there something else going on in ur wifes life for example family problems? this may be the cause of her depression. try asking her whats wrong, try getting her interested in new things also such as an exercise class( they say exercise relises feel good endorphins) that way she would meet new people. good luck.

Answer 9

First of all she is very lucky to have you care about her so much... You are right, it sounds like depression to me. She does not see it as a problem because she is coping the best way that she can right now.
she needs counseling, and possibly antidepressants. That is how she will feel better, and when the depression lifts she will feel like doing more things again, and having a life.

Answer 10

She should speak to the Doctor.Perhaps she needs to go out more,meet new people ,could she join a club or go to evening classes . Perhaps if you arrange a few outings together it may help. I can't think of any reasons other than to encourage her socially ,the doctor could rule out any physical causes for her feeling this way.