I am a widow, he is with a woman he has lived with for 15 years. He says they don't have a good relationship. We have not had any physical contact whatsoever. We were in constant contact recently during the course of moving his parents, my in- laws. I really enjoyed being around him and talking to him. He made me feel so good about myself. All I know is this is the happiest I have been and the best I have felt since my husbands death. He tends to be a flirt so I didn't want to read more into it than there might be but once when he called my in-laws he told me that he missed hanging out with me. This has sent my heart and mind spinning out of control. I can not get him out of my head. He's the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about at night, not to mention all day long! Now there is no way that I think or compare him to my husband. They were two totally different people so he is not a replacement for my husband so banish that thought.
2007-09-16 21:26:09 · 10 answers · asked by Sidney 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I am not lonely or desperate. I have had plenty of opportunities to date or start a relationship with other men but the interest just wasn't there. Freinds seem to try to fix you up if your alone but I just didn't want that if the want too wasn't there. I mean you have to feel some connection. There are so many men who would do you but I wanted more than that and would not compromise. I was happy with my life just the way it was. I don't know what to make of this. I knew my heart would let me know when the time was right. It did but can't understand why it is someone who is involved with someone else. Why after 8 years did I become attracted to my bother-in-law? I have been around him so much and never felt the way I do now. Sometimes I think it's because he opened up to me about his relationship, which I don't know if he is being totally honest and who knows he might just be kidding himself. I just can't go out with someone I haven't known forever so that could be a factor.
2007-09-16 21:44:51 · update #1
He is already in a relationship and has lived with his partner for 15 yrs and they are still together. Why wld you want to go for him? Have you considered for the other woman? If you were her, how wld you feel? Dont believe what yr b-i-l has told you that he is not hvg a good relationship with her. Every man says that to the woman he wants to have a fling with. By doing that, he was hoping to get your sympathy and attention. He looked like a selfish man. If he was not happy he shld leave his gf.
Get involved with activities or charitable/social work that allow you to get to know people. Of course, it takes some time to cultivate feelings for someone. Take your time, dont hurry and jump into a puddle of mud. You might just being carried away by the attention that he has given you. It could be js infactuation or sexual attraction.
2007-09-20 08:40:56 · answer #1 · answered by Sal SR 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look the other way. Dont go for this guy. You said that he is with this women that he has been with for 15 years. He told that the relationship isnt that good for why put 15 years into something must be good. Sounds like he is just trying to say whatever he can to get with you and when he does what makes you think he is going to be around much longer. 15 years and no marrige proposal that tells you he cant commit. Dont put yourself in spot where you know you will get hurt. I know now you think he is mr. wonderful and really no matter what anyone says you will probably not think badly of him and thats understandable.
Dont completely take him out of your life I mean he still is family. Just see less and talk less with him. Leave yourself open for other men to try to woo you over.
I hope everything works out for. And you will be happy again even without him.
2007-09-17 06:33:52 · answer #2 · answered by Sam R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are just lonely right now. He is in a relationship, and if he was really that unhappy, he would not still be there. It is not like he has to go through a divorce to leave. Wake up girl. He wants a strange piece, and he knows that you are vunerable. That is how men think!! You will end up being his piece on the side, and she will end up getting his money, and all holidays with him.
I realize that this is a very difficult time for you, but please don't get caught in that trap. You will end up getting hurt far worse. It is after all your brother-in-law. Think about how you would feel if he was cheating on you. Why would you want a cheater anyway??
2007-09-17 04:35:43 · answer #3 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is normal to feel attacted to someone who makes you feel good about yourself and you are especially vulnerable following the loss of your husband. But, you should distance yourself from this man. It's a bad situation, a time bomb. Start seeking ways to meet men who are availalbe and with whom a relationship wouldn't create so much drama. It is hard to get over a crush, I know, but we tend to put people on a pedestal when we are attracted to them. He isn't as wondeful as he seems to you right now in your head, that is not saying he is a bad guy, it is just that your fantasies about him aren't based in reality.Control your thoughts and don't allow yourself to linger on sweet fantasies about him. Find a way to distact yourself whatever it takes!
On the up side it sounds like you are ready to begin dating again and move on with your life. That is a great sign. Good sign, but he is a bad road...look elsewhere. Good luck to you.
2007-09-17 04:36:39 · answer #4 · answered by Mystic Renegade 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well the best thing you can do is talk to him,nothing much more to say about that,you kinda sound hopeless and you need to talk to him or i think you will go insane,you deserve to be happy,and if things dont go the way you want,chances are you'll find someone, you seem to be open for business again, good luck sweetie!!
2007-09-17 04:34:30 · answer #5 · answered by jmcslob 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he and his woman separate, then you are in the race.It sounds like you got the hots for this guy, the next time you see him,flirt with him a little and see what happens. Sounds like he would be good for you. I hope it works ouy for you. Good luck to you.
2007-09-17 04:42:08 · answer #6 · answered by skunk 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will definitely go after him. He is with a woman doest it mean wife or just a GF? If its GF I will go after him with all I have. Get him to your bed but not quickly. Take you time, play and reel him in!! Go after him girl.
2007-09-17 04:33:23 · answer #7 · answered by dhaka_123 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's great that you've had something happy to think about since your husband has passed.
2007-09-17 04:32:30 · answer #8 · answered by giselehere 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how wrong...i hate girls that go after taken guys why would u do that......there are many other men out there...and is he ur dead husbands brother?? thats even worse
2007-09-17 04:40:14 · answer #9 · answered by M.A.C ADDICT♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
society may frown on it but there is nothing wrong with it.
2007-09-17 04:32:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋