First of all my huspend has cheated alot and now claims he wouldnt ever do it again but he still keeps his email wich ends in the word motel he continues to talk to women he has had relations with and when other women are around he cuts me out of the conversations he still goes out and not only doesnt tell me when he goes but is constintly cought in lies when asked were he was or what he did. i have confronted him on these things even told him how insucure these thing made me fill and all he does is get mad and act as if im attacking him and like asking him to change these things is just selfish and untrusting help me i love him we have children and i wont nothing more then to save my marriage.
2007-09-16 18:41:05 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Its amazing what men find acceptable behaviour!
I split with my partner of 10years about 8 weeks ago, simply because he was going out all the time - Tuesdays: Pool, Wednesday: Bike Meet, Thursday: Judo, Friday:Bike Meet and then he went and stayed with his mate at the weekend as he was "working". Even on Monday when he had no 'activities' he went out to do something or other. I had no reason to distrust him though, after all, we had been together 10years, have 3 kids together and our home life was normally happy etc etc, but we had no problems and I trusted him completely.
However, I got bored of being alone all the time and told him that I wanted to go out instead of staying in and he would have to give up some of his stuff, he said he would, but nothing changed, hence I told him to leave.
Now, Ive heard through the grapevine that he was upto no good and had been for quite sometime, however, things such as 'chatting a woman up' wasnt considered as cheating by most of the blokes that told me what he was upto.
Im baffled as he had it really good with me but still decided to play around, (Im often chatted up and am told Im beautiful and I have a good personality, and always have a laugh and our sex life was as good as it was when we were younger) the hurt is immense but my pride and dignity fortunately keep me from taking him back - despite the fact that he has threatened and caused trouble with a bloke I was 'kinda' seeing (nothing had happened but we like each other alot and something was developing between us - oh, and this was only in the last couple of weeks so it wasnt cheating, but as we have both discussed I am probably on the rebound and I need to succeed on my own for a while, thus we both decided on friendship but we spend good time together which we both enjoy and we share similar goals but when my ex turned up to see his kids last night they mentioned that this bloke had been round - he is a mutual friend of us both before we split and he often came round anyway so its nothing out of the ordinary but my ex decided that he shouldnt be going to my house now that we are not together - So the rules are that my ex can shag everything that moves but I can't have a friend round!!! Cheeky f*cker - yeah, right - we give a sh*t what he wants!!!!).
People are scared of the pain. Yes, it hurts when you split with someone you love and thought you could trust and often its that pain that makes you get back together with them, but Im nobodys doormat and despite our children being upset by the split (not so much my eldest or my youngest but my middle child - he is very sad about it and would love nothing more for us to get back together) I wouldnt be able to forgive myself for being weak. My pride, dignity and the fact that he never deserved me keep me from going back - Im just going to have to 'ride the pain' - it will eventually fade, but I think I would have greater pains if I lost my own pride and dignity.
NO man is worth that, and the fact that you are letting him get away with it so easy means that he has no fear of losing you which means that he will do it again as he knows how desparate you are to save your marriage. He wont change and you need to be brave, kick him out and take the pain (besides, if you kick him out for a few months it might make him panic that he really has lost you and he will come running back and hopefully change his ways - but you need to make him work to gain your trust, respect and love back (dont just take him back), take things slow, go out for a meal but there must be no contact between you and constantly talk about how hurt you are and that you will never be treated like that again)!!!
Good luck - I personally recommend leaving him altogether - he is ruining your life - your self-esteem must be very low if your world revolves around him - DONT LET HIM DO THAT TO YOU!!!!
2007-09-16 19:02:58 · answer #1 · answered by niccilicci 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is hard. I have not been married but I have had the experience of a boyfriend cheating. You need to scare him and I mean really scare him. I did the same thing you did, feeling insecure, thinking catching him will make him stop, it wont. The first thing is to not blame yourself, you ARE good enough, you dont deserve to be treated like that. Your not being selfish HE is. The hardest thing I ever did was threaten that I was leaving, when he thought I was joking I left. I fell apart, I wanted to run back to him and I was willing to accept him treating me like that.. but I stayed strong and once he realized how much he loved me and couldnt find what I had in any other person he was back. Soo... my suggestion is although its soo easy to say you have to be strong for you and your children. LEAVE him, doesnt have to be permanent but just make him realize that just like he is finding new women that you are just as capable of finding an honest man (this doesnt mean payback and cheat, just let him know where he stands) Find a friend or family and ask them for help, someone you trust so that if things work out they dont judge you. You need to scare him and make him realize that the way he is treating you is not okay. And honestly if you leave him and he doesnt want to come back, you just saved yourself so much time or making yourself unhealthy with him not caring, and you need to move on. Yes he is the father of your children but that is not a reason to stay miserable and feeling how you do. No man should ever make a women feel like she is not good enough. He either needs to clean his act up and stop his childish acts or move on and stop dragging you along for the bumpy ride and you need to make that clear to him. Good Luck! STAY STRONG! Stand up for yourself!!
2007-09-17 01:52:55 · answer #2 · answered by applesauce 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK. First of all. Do you know of him really cheating? Have you ever really caught him? Just because he talks to people on his old email doesnt mean hes cheating on you. Do you think you might be a lil insecure? If you are constantly harpin on him he will never be truthful with you. And maybe these "girls" hes speaking with on his old email are friends of his from a LONG time ago. Like before you guys were married. You ve been married for what, 2 years? Your children mean the world to him and I know he loves them, but do you really want to be with someone who maybe doesnt want to be with you? Do you want to subject your children to a house of fighting and yelling? If your unhappy, GET OUT. Life is to short. You can find someone else and maybe he will too.
2007-09-17 03:20:14 · answer #3 · answered by Shandi W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it isn't because you aren't good enough for your Husband, it is because he doesn't appreciate you. He doesn't have respect for you nor those women whom he is cheating with. He gets angry because he knows that what he is doing is wrong. You have two options seek marriage counseling or get a divorce. It sounds like it's really far gone. Also do something for yourself that makes you feel good. You know, counter the bad with some good. Don't let him break you down.
The best of luck
2007-09-17 01:48:53 · answer #4 · answered by Jen 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave him... he's not good enough for you. You've been extremely tolerant with him and he's taking it for granted. There's only one reason why a man would get mad when his wife confronts him is because he's guilty.
Woman nowdays have the ability to support themselves and her children. Give that a try and leave the man who doesn't deserve you. You sound like a good wifey and many men would die to have a wifey like you. =)
2007-09-17 01:54:13 · answer #5 · answered by DomNix 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, stop blaming yourself. You aren't the one who cheated. If he wanted to be with you, he would not have cheated to begin with. I know this sounds harsh, but he hasn't shown signs that he is willing to stop his bad behavior. If he has had sex with other women, he coud have STDS or AIDS. Think of the exampIe he is setting for your kids. I know you want to save your marriage, but he will cheat again, and again break your heart. My advice is to divorce him and move on. Good Luck and God Bless You.
2007-09-17 01:51:38 · answer #6 · answered by godschildforlife 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Takes two to save a marriage & if he is acting like that it seems that he isn't intrested. You should give him an ultimateum to stop or you are gonna get a divorce.
2007-09-17 01:44:23 · answer #7 · answered by Death Girl Am 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well first of all what do you look like? are you a lil over weight? i know you said you have children. so have you let yourself go, or do you take care of yourself? if he says he will never do it sagain, well he's lieing! he will not stop, unless he really really loves you. so sounds to me he doesn't have that kind of love for you. not trying to hurt your feelings, but i think he is still doing it now!!! i will write you back when i get a few questions back i have asked...k
2007-09-17 01:51:05 · answer #8 · answered by floridacat22 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He has unresolved problems. Get marriage councelling immediately. It may be that he needs someone to be strong and mother-like. Try putting your foot down and dont let him run over you. I know you dont want to be divorced but that would be better than what you have now.
2007-09-17 01:46:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is husband.. but you cannot save your marriage if he does not allow it. he apparently does not love you enough to not cheat on you. you deserve a lot better and can get a lot better especially since he is nothing special at all but only a jerk for doing this to his wife and kids. i would leave him. you have family, friends, and your children to keep your head up high. you have one life to live so why live it so miserable? hope i helped!
2007-09-17 01:45:23 · answer #10 · answered by lc 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋