When my partner and I decided we would be tying the knot, his parents rang me and told me they would be giving us AU$5,000. Since then his father has changed jobs and they were trying to sort everything out. They had their tax done and his mum recieved AU$1,200 which she gave to me and they keep saying they will be adding to it. His dad recieved AU$2,500, which they said they needed to pay off some debts, which is fine, thats all good, until last week when they went out and brought a spa worth over AU$1,000. I feel a little ripped off, would you if you were me?
The thing that really gets me is that they told me 5,000 because thats what they paid for his sisters wedding, quite frankly I couldn't give a dam how much they actually give us, I feel its the principal, I believe you should stick with it. They refinanced the house for his sisters wedding but they wont do it for there son.
I didn't even ask for the money, but I think you can't give one child something and not the other.
2007-09-16 18:23:47 · 20 answers · asked by christy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
OK!! So a few of you are getting it wrong and I probly should have explained a few things. 1: taking out a second morgage is NOT what I expect them to do. 2: In both our families it is understood that each side helps out with the wedding, not the brides father pays all. His sister's in laws paid the same as her parents. It's a half half thing for the reception. 3: My partner and I have been together for 8 years I know them all to well this has happened many times before, we have 3 kids (as does his sister when she got married) they told me to put a car seat on layby and they would give me the money to pick it up, they never did (my son is now 4) but they brought his daughter a cot with all the trimmings ie:mattress, blankets,etc....
My partner and I have the money for the wedding, we never have relied on other people to help us...EVER!! I'm just not happy that they are forever making fulse promises.
And don't tell me to get over myself!!!!!
2007-09-16 19:03:25 · update #1
I would be angry as well. Don't promise someone something you can't do. Especially if they went and bought a spa. I would understand if they just didn't have the money due to the job loss, but they bought a spa. If I were you I would ask your husband what they are now planing on giving you two so you can "re-do" your budget. Don't lower your self to their level or compare your self. Honestly it gets you know where, just angrier. I am sorry!! Just learn not to trust them.
2007-09-16 18:31:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
while you would like to be included in the receiving end of his family financially, you can't expect him to do the same for you. To refinance a house for a wedding is the dumbest thing in the world?!? They are not ripping you off by all means, they are just not doing what they said they would. There is nothing wrong with it since you and your fiance are adults and really should pay for your own wedding. I always say if you can't even afford a wedding, then don't get married. If you want to be married, do so within your means. A marriage isn't all about the wedding.
While the situation sucks, your in-laws may have realized how dumb it was to spend so much on their daughters wedding and don't want to make the same mistake with yours.
2007-09-16 18:58:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Christy, you have to accept that some people are dreamers. When they say "I'm going to do this thing" they don't mean it as a solemn promise that can't be broken without dishonor. They mean "I'm really excited about this right this minute and if I had the means to do it right this minute I would." But by tomorrow, if the excitement has worn off or the means aren't yet at hand, the dream of yesterday is more and more lost in the cares of today.
Please don't think of these people as "deliberately and with malice aforethoght" building you up just to let you down. Just think of them as people where you either get the cash right away or don't count on getting it at all. Some people are impulsive and play it by ear. If you press them on such matters, they will be resentful -- with all their hearts they sincerely believe it is YOU in the wrong for being such a greedy meanie, trying to extract money out of them based on nothing more than an offhand remark.
These are adults and you are never going to change this fundamental difference between people who believe in choosing their words carefully and those who believe in being free and open and allowing their enthusiasms to "run away with" their mouths. Base your expectations on your knowledge of these people rather than on "the way I was brought up, we didn't do this" principles.
You can't fight the river. Go with the flow. You're not being "ripped off" because you can't be robbed of what you never had.
2007-09-17 00:43:23 · answer #3 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it was a little crappy for them to go back on thier word, but there is nothign you can do.. maybe talk to your soon to be huband, they are his parents and have him explain that while planning your wedding you took into account the money they siad they woudl give you and now things arent working out for it becuase they havent given what they said they would.... however- looking at it from another perspective- at least in a traditional christian based marriage it is the brides family who is "responsible" for the funding of the wedding, not the groom's family.. more recent days have changed this, but traditionally that is the case. A wedding is more thought of as a "womans day" so therefore the womans parents would take care of the financial end of things to make sure their "little girl " could have the wedding of her dreams, jsut as they did for his sister, but he is the male and it isnt thoguht of as a "big" of a thing for the son
2007-09-16 18:31:52 · answer #4 · answered by amandica82 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Families are like that. My fiances Grandparents paid his entire way through private school and college but would not pay a dime for his sister. They always treated her a little crappy. His parents paid her way through private school and are now paying for her college. So they have NOT offered to help us in any way whatsoever, not a dollar. Plus his Dad hates me, he's a rotten drunk and we fight, haha. His Grandparents who have more money and assets than they can manage told us to go to the courthouse. It has really really hurt our feelings but oh well. According to etiquette my parents should be paying for most of our wedding but they are on disability so that's a no go. So to your question I would say...they may have anticipated getting more on a tax return than they did and spoke too soon. Also, they may be looking for your parents or someone to pay the majority of it. Just be happy with whatever they give you, try not to stress over them because the planning will stress you enough. Try looking up etiquette and giving them an itemized list of the things they are traditionally obligated to pay and see how they react. Hope things work out well!!
2007-09-16 18:36:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know about where you are, but in the states it is custom for the brides family to pay the lion's share of the wedding expenses. With that said, if you are not worried about the money then why worry about the principle of it? If their situation has changed, and the fact they owe their child nothing, get over it, and plan your wedding based on what you can afford.
2007-09-16 18:35:59 · answer #6 · answered by julvrug 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i did no longer come across a question yet enjoyed interpreting it besides. that's solid suggestion or maybe however no person asked you, thank you for writing it. As a MIL i'd prefer to characteristic an consumer-friendly MYOB MIL. Translated means recommendations your person company mom In regulation. to no longer the above author, she's cool. yet please ... MIL's .. do no longer supply suggestion once you're actually not asked and don't tell every person a thank you to do something. you could be very experienced at being a mom, grandmother....etc. yet issues substitute each and every now and then and family members to family members. So, if all of us MOurOB all and sundry is happy. this is complicated to no longer tell a DIL she is putting the diaper on the incorrect end of the toddler yet she'll locate out quickly sufficient.
2016-10-04 21:08:09 · answer #7 · answered by suero 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The parents of the BRIDE are supposed to pay for the wedding!! True they shouldn't have said it if they didn't mean it but, I don't see how you can call it getting ripped off, they aren't stealing from you. Settle down, they may be making payments on the spa. Until the wedding is over you do not know what they will end up giving you. If they don't them you know not to trust what they say. She was the bride it was their place to pay for her wedding, the parents of the bride are supposed to pay for their daughters wedding.
2007-09-16 18:40:55 · answer #8 · answered by thepeacelover01 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It might come down to tradition? Traditionally the father of the bride pays for the wedding. In which case anything you get from you future inlaws is a bonus. Actually anything you get is a bonus either way!
Also, you intend to spend the rest of your life with your husband and therefore his parents so don't start off on the wrong foot.
2007-09-16 18:32:36 · answer #9 · answered by TABKAB 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you should not be expecting anyone to pay for your wedding. Traditionally, it is the brides family who pays for the wedding.
You should never let money be the deciding factor in any relationship that you have in your life, you are asking for trouble before you even get married.
It is really none of your business if your future in laws bought themselves a spa; that is their business only.
If you don't really give a damn about how much money they are going to give you and your partner; why are you writing about it on the Internet to a bunch of strangers?
It is none of your business how much they paid for his sisters wedding, or how they financed this either.
What is more important here, you and your partner getting married; or who is contributing money to the event???
You are going to be starting off your marriage in the ditch if you don't forget about the "promised" money, pay for a wedding and celebration that you can afford and be grateful that you have received the "gift" of your partner from them; which should out value any monetary concerns.
Best of luck with your wedding and much happiness in the future.
2007-09-16 18:40:15 · answer #10 · answered by Sue F 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
So you're mad because your in laws won't take out a 2nd mortgage on their house to pay for your wedding. They had to change jobs, had some financial problems it sounds like, and you expect them to make two house payments every month just to be able to contribute to your wedding, which they don't have to do at all in the first place.
Sounds like you are one jealous person and your husband should consider this before saying "I do" to you.
These people owe you nothing and it's not the principle of the thing. They thought they could help with one thing, but things changed and now they can't. Get over it.
2007-09-16 18:36:21 · answer #11 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 3⤊ 2⤋