What should I do about my mother?

Question

My mother is depressed and clinically ill. She's been nonfunctioning since I was very small, so I'm used to her being like this.

Even though I'm in college now, I continue to live with her so she doesn't have to go into a home, and despite the fact that I do my best to help her, it's never enough.

At this point, not a day goes by when she doesn't tell me that things will never be good, that she never wants people to be happy, and that she's generally hard to handle and be around.

I know I should leave, but I feel tremendous guilt about leaving her alone. On top of that, my younger brother is still a minor, so he would be trapped with her on his own without me around to run interference.

Does anyone know of any social services or home health options that I could call?

Bottom line: What should I do??!?

Answer 1

You cant do anything for her. What could you possibly do now, that you haven't tried already?!? There is a point where you MUST break ties and go on with your life. You just need to be there for your brother and pray for your mom. The only person that can make your mom any happier is HER. We all must decide for ourselves to be happy or to be sad, to love or hate. Let her know you love her, but that you can't go on living your life in the dumps just because that is what she has allowed her life to become.

Answer 2

The problem with calling Social Services is that they will remove your brother from the home, if they find your mother incompetent. Your brother would have to go to a foster home, which can sometimes be a horrible experience. Obviously your mother was able to take care of you, so I really don't think that would be an option. Your best option is to get mental help for your mother. If you live in the US there are mental health clinics in every community that will work with your mother, and provide her with proper medication to control her condition. It can take from 3 motnhs to a couple of years to get just the right medication and dosage worked out. In the meantime, you could spend as much time as possible with your mother and brother to assure that everything is okay.

Answer 3

I wouldn't get any services involved your just asking for trouble Is she taking anything for her depression??????? That is serious you need to snap her out of it why hasn't someone done that sooner Has she seen a Dr. for this???????? Your doing the right thing by staying and helping your mother Good things will come your way keep her active before i can go any farther I need to know Why your Mother is depressed???? What happened??????? A change of scenery is good Find out What happened and then get her mind off of it by keeping her busy with other things make her feel important go places and do things she is your mother so make the best of it and I'm sure you are play it by ear and be strong you are a good person take one day at a time but you have to think about yourself also you can join a group that deals with this some meetings are held at the hospital in a different area be live they are called caregiver meetings and you can get paid by SS for taking care of your mother so i would inquire w/ them if you want to find out more info just ask good luck

Answer 4

I am cliniclly ill, bipolar and paranoid dill. I am on meds that have done wonders. for years i lived like your mom. very depressed and unhappy. Some communities offer really good help. I was lucky there.
Find out if there is a mental heath office in your area, call them seek help for her. depending on the severity and her age you an do as my husband did, he got an emergency order to have me evaluated for two days. at the moment I hated him but I now know that he was trying to help me. There are all kinds of programs through the department of social services now days. call them, call mental health clinics even hospitals if need be. You need to move on with your life without feeling guilty and your mom needs to begin her healing and her life. The program i am in through mental health here even has someone come out to me twice a week to make sure i dont need anything and to drop my meds. they are wonderful. Good luck to you and your mom honey!

Answer 5

Ok coming from someone who has psych issues I know that you need to make sure that she has the proper medical care and you could possibly get a home heath aid cause that can take a lot out of a person mentally emotionally and physically she needs more then the help you can give her even if it means sending her to a home I know that i can be hard and that you feel like you have to help cause she's your mom but she needs things you can't give her

Answer 6

If you are over 18 you might be able to get custody of your brother. Seems like to me they need to adjust her medication because what she is taking isn't helping. Talk to her counselor the next chance you get if you can record some of what she says & does & take it with you even if you just write it down, that will be helpful because they will want examples of her behavior.If she isn't getting any kind of help get her an appointment with your Community Mental Health Center, tell them the situation & have her examined, if she refuses to go tell her if she won't at least try to get some help you will have to leave. Cause you can't stand it anymore & if you leave social services will probably take your brother. IF nothing else you may be able to get social services to help you get her to get some help.The way she is, is not good for anyone.

Answer 7

I think it's great that you are seeking help for this. If your mom has health insurance, contact them first and see what services your mother is covered for. If she does not have insurance, contact your local Health Department. They can give you information on what you can do.

More importantly, if you are concerned about your little brother, you need some assistance for him. Where is his daddy? If he's not around, how about grandparents, aunts, uncles? If no relatives can help, you might want to see if you can get custody of your brother.

Answer 8

i understand your problem. my mom was depressed for a while, she would try to cover it up, but i knew. she used to sleep all day and stuff. it was really hard to see my mom like that. but then she got some help. she went to this place called "shades of hope". my mom had some other problems besides depression like alcoholism and bullimia and this place really helped her. i advise you to get her some help. there is no way you can help her on your own. its bigger than you. she needs some serious help, it sounds like. i think some really good therapy and maybe even rehab would be the thing to do. im so sorry you had to deal with this, i know its so hurtful when things like this happen. but now, my mom is doing really well! shes so happy all the time and shes just really great! im sure your mom could be like my mom if she just got some help.
i hope everything works out.

Answer 9

It sounds like you've become the parent, and your mother the child. If you decide to stay longer for your younger brother, you will be helping him out. But once your brother goes to college, you should move out. It would be the best thing for your mother to be sent to a mental health facility because she would get the treatment she so desperately needs.

Answer 10

Give her something to research for you, make something you need for school, something you have trouble hand washing, she needs something positive to do!
An accomplishment to be complemented upon.
Call AA and find out if they have a local youth group that gives support to the youth of alcoholic parents. (They also include youth from troubled homes.) This gives your brother someone to call, that will support his
emotional and personal needs and call the right agencies
in order give him extra help if the need arises..
Once you have let the doctor know she needs help, you can get a recommendation/doctors order for someone to visit
her once or twice a week, or a group therapy for her to attend.
Good luck, and God bless, you have carried this burden
on your shoulders far too long yourself! (You can't help her,
she has to help herself-- it is her job to guide you! She doesn't know how lucky she is to have a daughter like you!)