holy cow, i just talked to my birthfather!!!?

Question

its true, my birthmother called me tonight (we have known each other for about 8 years now) she says "someone wants to say hi to you", it was my birthfather!! talk about a shock!
i am a little concerned though, when i found my b/mother i was on cloud nine, literally exhuberant, but i am leary of him.
i wanted to find him and together we were searching, so its not hostility, but could it be something else? or am i putting too much emphasis on this and i am still in shock?
anyone have any words of encouragement to help me along until i meet him (in about 2 weeks)?
thanks all, i appreciate your help

just to let everyone know, i have no intention to ask why and have no preconcieved ideas of what this may be. i am just way more calm about finding him. like when you find your old security blanket, you are happy but still look at it wondering what are you going to do now? i know why i was given up, and i am comfortable with all that. absolutely no anger or hostility about all that. ♥

Answer 1

I think you are just shocked and excited. I think in the back of many adoptees minds is that they aren't sure just how much/little their natural father cared about them. Given that the majority of natural moms were abandoned or told to abort by the ex-bf, it shouldn't be a surprise. I'm not expert though.

Good luck!! Don't forget to bring a camera!

Answer 2

I know what an incredible journey that is to travel down when you are searching and finding your birth family. Just remember, its okay to ask those hard questions. Just be prepared for those hard answers. Counseling is not a bad idea either. It really helped me out when I went through meeting some of my birth family. You probably are still in some what of a shock b/c it is still very fresh. Just take things slow, sort through all of your feelings, be cautious with what words you use when asking questions b/c once those words come out, you can't take them back. Let your birth father know what you are feeling and that your intentions are good. Put your feelings out there. Make sure you have good support with you also when you have your meeting. And if you don't know what to say, pray about it. If you still don't know what to say then tell him that. There is nothing wrong with that. Never let anyone make you feel bad for what you are feeling. You have waited all your life for this moment so you are for sure entitled to your feelings.

Be true to yourself and your feelings. Don't change that for anyone.

Answer 3

Hey, all those emotions are really normal. People always think reunion is just dandy and great and that everyone should be "happy ever after" but that right there is downright a silly, and I think even damaging expectation.

Come on now, we've got feelings, we're human. It's a confuising time and while it usually IS filled with a lot of good emotions, for most people it's all over the spectrum.

You'll be astronger person if you stay in touch with and listen to your own emotions without judgement, than if you try to tell yourself how you're supposed to feel.

(After all, that doesn't really work now, does it?)

It is really awesome to meet him.

If you want to talk to other adoptees, try adultadoptees.org

Answer 4

well its nice to beable to see them and it will give you some idea of how you will look when you get older. they are you of coarse. it will be nice to hear them and their voice i would record it i didn't and it would have been nice. i didn't record my dads and he passed away in89 with cancer. my mom was already dead when i found her in calif. you can ask all sorts of stuff about health questions caus egenerally what they hve you will have. you just have to be careful of coarse if its drinking and you don't or smoke well you can start something new by not having that. its great you have overcome what you must have felt. for me for years i hated them that is if they were together but then when you grow older and see the problem before you and stuff i was lucky i was gone. i didnt' get molested or nothing where one of my sisters did and it was hard. so you see there are so many things to be blessed with take some pictures and keep them its just for those few moments that you have this one chance in a millinon and if you can write down like a family tree and see if you know anyone else addresses names etc. that is what you need to do while talking to them. good luck suzy

Answer 5

I found my birth mother 4 yrs ago at the to age of 40. It was not a good situation for me unfortunately. I don't know if I will ever go on to try to find my birth father. Good luck to you though, and I pray all goes well!!

Answer 6

HE is willing to come into the Open this is a good Sign but it is scary at first it is ok to be cautious and still be caught up in a moment and don't ask y till later good luck and God bless

Answer 7

There are so many reasons why people have to give up their children. I wouldn't be too quick to place any judgements on anyone as to why it happened. The fact you have been able to connect at all, is no small miracle in itself! Life is too short to be negative about anything! Enjoy this opportunity!

Answer 8

you didn't grow in his belly. he didn't give birth to you/ that's why.

could be shock still, but congratulations on getting to meet him though. I get to introduce my adopted out daughter to her birth father pretty soon. I guess she's been mentioning him to her mom, so I guess its time. She's 8. I'm nervous about all that drama. lol.

Answer 9

I think this is a really great story!! Dont have expectations...that's all i can really say. Expectations are premeditated resentments. you are lucky! a lot of people never get to meet their birth parents...let alone both! Good luck to you!!!