My 15 year old daughter is now living with me. She lived with her father from age 10 to 15. Her father moved due to job reasons and sent her to me. I live in a different state.
She hates living with me and the state/ town that I live in. I don't know what to do when she expresses that.
I have found an apartment for us to live in because we were living with my parents and my mom did not want us to stay together in the family.
I don't know how to deal with the frustration and unhappiness that my daughter expresses. It will take time, I know. But, she keeps saying and I keep thinking that if I had reunited with her father, she would have been happier.
I don't know what else to do - she found a small part-time job with a local realtor, she is enrolled in an ACT review class and I am moving out. ]
I am at my wits end as to how to keep her happy?
2007-09-16 17:16:41 · 8 answers · asked by Stareyes 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your frustration is probably equal to your daughter's frustration at how powerless she is to fix her situation. You can't KEEP her happy, because she never WAS happy. She had to leave her friends, who are far more important than family at age 15, to come live with you, and she hates it. Apparently, she isn't shy about telling you about it, either.
I think you need to sit her down and say, "Look, I understand you feel rotten about leaving your friends, I really do. But what's done is done, and this is what we have to deal with right now. Whining about the past isn't going to change it, or make the future better."
You do not have to discuss your marriage with her father -- so refuse to get drawn into the conversation. Just say that you wish it had turned out differently, too. But she needsd to respect the fact that you and her father made the best decision you could, and stop second-guessing you. It's been over for a long time, and while it might have made her life a little easier, she'd have been miserable with two parents who fought constantly, etc. Then refuse to get drawn into further conversations on the subject.
She'll settle down soon, once she has friends in your area. Just don't let her make you feel guilty, because that guilt is what is frustrating you. Encourage her to go to events where she'll meet people, encourage her to invite friends for dinner or to hang out at your apartment. Try to make time to spend with her showing her around the town/state that you live in, and help make her feel at home. Good luck. You're both in a tough situation, but it will get better.
2007-09-16 17:47:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that kids will act out only as a defense mode. In truth she is probably sad and scared that she is being send out on her way and the easy target is you. Don't act humble and start apologizing all the time. Get strong and tell her that this is the best that you can do and start dishing out some chores and start sharing washing dishes and cleaning the kitchen for together time and find the time to talk while you are doing that. DO NOT ASK yes no questions, by that I mean question that require a yes or no answer. Ask more in the way of: How was your day? Did you do anything today to to brighten up your day? If answer is no, then say something like: Well then tomorrow you need to find something to help brighen up your day and tell me about it. Then tell her a little about yourself as you were growing up, your interests, your fears, your family as you were growing up, etc. You may not get a response, but she will listen and stay near you. Say a little prayer for guidance before you start and you will say the right words, Good luck and safe keeping.
2007-09-16 17:52:23 · answer #2 · answered by silver 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A part time job is definitely going to keep her occupied at least part of the time and the review classes also. Keeping her happy, just give her that little bit of time because she is now going to be busy and not have the time to THINK IF SHE UNHAPPY. Perhaps she has had to much time on her hands, and now that your going into your new home she is going to be preoccupied with the move. Involve her in as much as you can and try not to dwell so much on worrying about the negative as you are removing yourself from alot of it. Maybe you need to express yourself also- when the comments come up KINDLY say- I made a decision about our future, no sense on continually talking about it we now have a different life and we need to learn how to get on with it. Perhaps if you take the stand and not play into the comments it Will stop.
2007-09-17 04:44:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask her to try to stop complaining or whining and think of one thing that happened to her in the day that made her smile and even if she says nothing, tell her that she being your daughter makes you smile all the time. You have to learn to love each other at the ages you are now and express it verbally and physically. A hug, kiss or gentle pat on the head,whatever works for you. If you are not the touchy type of parent learn to be b/c children need that no matter what the age. Find an activity you both like and make it a weekly ritual. you both need to reconnect and make it enjoyable for you of both together. I dont know what happened in your past but it really is time to concentrate on today, your present.
2007-09-16 17:40:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
do you decide directly to properly known why people call you a foul mom?! properly do you?! She is 13 and he's 24! What are you thinking female?! that is unwell and tousled and incorrect! particular he's an exceptional guy and all yet that is to important of an age difference! I guess in case you talked to different mothers of your daughter's pals then they might say that thats innapropriete and disgusting! you are able to the two tell them to end seeing one yet another and locate somebody their very own age or enable them as much as now and you and your daughter would properly be disgusted via people. in case you enable them to you would be categorized as a foul mom and a gaggle of different issues for a protracted time! How do you comprehend they won't have intercourse or some thing? have you ever seen that?! And while you're pleased with them having intercourse then you relatively would desire to get in vast situation with the regulation. i'm Catholic and picture that God might feel embarrassment approximately you for being ok consisting of your daughter and that guy as a pair. He might shun you I guess! So, for my section do purely no longer enable them as much as now. Its gross and you'd be saving your self and your daughter from being categorized undesirable issues and being hated via people. purely attempting to knock some experience into you:)
2016-12-26 14:46:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
mmmm well what i can suggest would be to talk with her about her life with you, your happiness, and if it is not that a sensitive subject to touch, the fact of why you and her father are not together (not giving like a lot of details and stuff) but just so that she can actually understand that you are doing your best to have her happy and that you love her, even when she says what she thinks right now.
2007-09-16 17:36:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have a 17 boy and I in the same place you are there grown up and it hard I yell at my son all the time but not today sometimes I have take a big breath and try to understand he only 17 he a child and they act like kids yes she fid here way she just growing up to a woman and you just need to remeber when your were 15 i t was hard she a kid and a woman remeber 15 i do it was hard she will grow out of it just love her she need understanding keep up the good work your doing a good job don't beat your self up i understand ill keep you in my prays keep up the good work
2007-09-16 17:34:12 · answer #7 · answered by angle1 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My sister used to breed horses. She faced a similar dilemma. We stopped talking about a year ago so I have no idea where she is today.
2007-09-16 19:51:50 · answer #8 · answered by C 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋