14 year old, funeral?

Question

my friend dies friday,she was 14. I am going to her funeral with a bunch of my friends and was wondering, i am going to wear this black dress that i love with black shoes and a black and white purse...does that sound ok? What do we do there,what will people say... She was to young and this is soo sad.

Answer 1

Is this the visitation or the funeral?

Where will it take place? A funeral home or a church?

Okay here is how these things usually take place--

There is a visitation the night before the funeral where people stand in a long line and greet the family members of the deceased and give them words of sympathy and sometimes hugs.

Aat a visitation there are never any speakers who address the group as a whole--it's usually three hours long so people have time to come at their convenience.The visitation is more informal although most people dress modestly.

The next day there is the funeral--depending on the family and deceased desires--this can be a memorial service at a church with a sermon or it is a funeral service at a funeral home where there may be several speakers and everyone sits and listens and there is music played between speakers and everyone is usually very sad or respectfully quiet.

From this service if the deceased is to be buried at a grave site then there is a funeral procession to the graveyard. All of the car drivers turn on their headlights and stay in one long procession from either the church or the funeral home to the grave site. Traffic stops as the procession passes by--out of respect and to allow for a long line of cars to pass by without interruption.

At the grave side a brief prayer is said and the mourners place flowers on top of the coffin.

Usually there is a gathering of family and friends at the church or a banquet hall or home and everyone eats and drinks and shares the positive stories they have of the person who has just died.

Your dress sounds very appropriate and I am very sorry for your loss.

Answer 2

First let me say I am very sorry for the loss of your friend. It is hard to lose a loved one at any age.

Second, I use to work in a funeral home and what your wearing is fine, but you don't have to dress in black. If the family is calling it a "celebration of life", then it would be best to wear something lighter colored. There will be a ton of crying, including you. If you have something special you want to say about her, I suggest writing it down so you can read it when they ask if anyone would like to share a memory about your friend. The family has a designated area to sit, don't sit here unless they invite you. Give lots of hugs and hand tissue out if you feel like you need to do something. Also, if you feel uncomfortable, you can always tell the guest book greeter that this is your first funeral, they are always willing to help and will walk you through whatever will be going on.

Once again, I am very sorry about your loss.

Answer 3

This is so sad, I am sorry to hear about this.

First of all, your outfit sounds fine, as long as it is not too revealing (it doesn't look like something you might also wear to a night club for example).

What you do there really depends on the set-up of the funeral. If it is an open casket funeral, you may be invited to view her body. You don't have to do this if you don't feel comfortable, but most people use it as an opportunity to say thier last goodbyes. If you do view her body, know that she will not look exactly as she did the last time you saw her due to the type of make-up they use on her.

If you know any of her family members it is always nice to express your condolences to them. You say something like: "I am so sorry. 'Jane' was always there for me and she will be missed." Of course, you don't have to do this either if you don't have to.

You can most likely expect people to be talking about good memories that they have had with the person, because people like to think about the good times even in the worst situations.

There will probably be a service for her where there may or may not be religious readings and/or speeches from family members or close friends.

Just be sure to be on time and courteous during the entire funeral. I will never forget going to my cousin's funeral (she died when we were 18) and hearing someone say that the make-up and her outfit they put her in looked horrible. I thought it was so rude and disrespectful, as well as cold-hearted.

Again I am sorry for your loss. Dealing with death is never easy.

Answer 4

1992-September 14, 2007? JUST 14?????? That is like so young. I am very sorry for your loss. What you are going to wear is ok for the funeral. All you have to do is listen to what everyone says, say prayers, and other stuff.
I nver been to a funeral, I am a 19 year old boy, but this is my advice.
BTW: how did she die so young at 14??? from what???

Answer 5

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Your outfit sounds fine.

Losing someone is never easy and even adults have a hard time finding the right thing to say. If her parents are greeting visitors ( they might be too sad to talk to anyone ), introduce yourself and tell them how you knew their daughter and tell them something you will remember about her ( sense of humor, etc ) and that you are sorry for them.

It's good that you will have your friends with you. You can support one another.

Answer 6

Any conservative dress is OK. Nothing flashy or skimpy.
When at the funeral, follow the lead of older people. They have been through this many times. Just act respectful and dignified. Don't be afraid to express honest emotions. Don't worry, you will get through this just fine.
My condolences.
.

Answer 7

Its so sweet of you to be worried about doing, wearing, and saying the right thing. Your outfit sounds fine. You just go in and find the receiving line. Speak with the family, introduce yourself, and how you knew the deceased. Tell them that they are in your prayers (if you are a religious person) or in your thoughts if not. You will do fine. I am so sorry for the loss of your friend, and YOU will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Answer 8

How sad. :'(

It is more important for you to be there to honour her memory and celebrate her life than whether you've dressed exactly right.

Black and white is fine, most dark colours are considered acceptable. A lot depends on the cut; something too revealing, lowcut, highcut or clingy might look out of place.

Answer 9

you and your friends can view her body if you like.
(some cannot handle this) while there in front of the casket, you may offer a prayer.
if there is a guest book which is typically kept near the entry to the parlor ( where her remains will be displayed) you may sign it. You can also go over to her parents extend your hand, or offer a hug while whispering to them how much you cared for her as well as expressing your sympathy;

"You have my deepest sympathy
-----(friends name) will be missed by all of us
I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter"

Depending on how close you were with your friend and her parents, in coming months if you like you could always go over and visit them for a short while I am sure they would appreciate it.

I am sorry for the loss of your friend

Answer 10

wearing a dress is a definite...when going to a funeral,.. you must look formal...
anyhow.,,... i am very sorry for the loss,.. i'm also 14 yrs. old and dying in a very young age is very unfair for me.. but i'm sure its god's will.. i hope your friend is already prepared for this moment...
just give your best shot to comfort his/her parents and other relatives that are shocked and a bit too lost to cope up!
try not to offend them by telling stories and sweet memories abt your friend...
again, condolence...to u