He is a serious alcoholic and he knows it bothers me a lot. He nearly drank himself to death 3 yrs ago and ended up in the hospital for 31 days over pancreatitis, shock and renal failure.
Last nite he was here at my house and suddenly got up and left after I fell asleep. This morning at about 10 am, when I called him and asked if things were ok, he said he had to leave last nite because he was sick and went home. He came over about 2 hours after I called and reeked of stale alcohol on his breath from the nite before.
I realize I am not going to cure his drinking habit. I just wish he would quit lying about it and trying to cover it up. He tried to sober up about 3 yrs ago and his family was non supportive of his sobriety and kept inviting him over for drinks and parties. He did not have the strength without family support to continue his sobriety. He drinks 1/2 liter bottles of Vodka daily and works full time.
I dont know what to say or do. Help.
2007-09-16 16:39:39 · 14 answers · asked by happydawg 6 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Oh my, I have been there. Trust me on this, there isn't much you can say or do. He has to face up to his problem and quit on his own. He lies and covers it up because he knows you don't approve and he is most likely ashamed to admit to you that he screwed up again. All the begging, pleading, fighting in the world is not going to make him change. I have been with my alcoholic for a little over 7 yrs. It has been very hard standing by and watching him slowly destroy himself. I have been with him thru pancreatitis and now liver disease. He has tried to quit several times over the last 7 yrs. The Dr told him quit or die. It did no good. My guys family also are no help. Everytime he goes home he starts drinking again. I finally put my foot down and told him if he wanted to live with me there would be no booze, period. He dried up for about 3 months, got fed up, moved back to his folks house, went on a binge, got sick, called here and begged to come back. I told him quit, proove to me that you have and then we'll talk about it. He has been back here since February, is dry and has found a great job. Will it last? Who knows, but this time he says he wants it for him.
I don't know how long you have been with this guy or how much you love him, so it's hard to give advice other than decide that you deserve better. If that means going on without him then do it. If it means seeking out help then do that. What ever you do, don't settle. I have dealt with my situation all on my own, and it's been very hard. I suggest finding a group that can offer you support, like al-anon.
I wish I could have been more help, but maybe hearing my story will let you know you are not alone. If you'd like to chat drop me an email, sometimes just talking to someone who has been there can help. Hugs & best wishes.
2007-09-16 17:03:19 · answer #1 · answered by Sniggle 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First, get to an Alanon Meeting Look in your local phone book or go here on the web
http://www.al-anonfamilygroups.org
Second, Nothing you do is going to change an alcoholic's drinking pattern. They drink that way because they are acloholics. I drank that way for 30 years before joining AA 15 years ago.
From personal experience I always had an excuse for why I drank that way. That is what alcoholics do. THe best you can do is head over to Alanon.
You might consider setting up some sort of intervention, but talk a substance abuse professional first.
As far a family not being supportive..that is just another excuse to keep drinking.
2007-09-16 18:29:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best thing to do is find some examples of what happens to people that drink "1/2 liter bottles of vodka each day" and what happens to them, their friends, and their family. Obviously, since his family isn't concerned that side of the argument may not have an effect until he's a little more lucid. He can't quit unless HE wants to. Let HIM know that YOU know and that you're concerned, but ultimatums usually don't help. Just leave a book where he can find it; maybe he'll get the message. It has a blue cover.
2007-09-16 17:01:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Alcohol is a "Silent Killer" and the fact that he has no family support is almost bothersome.Sometimes it's best to present other fun outdoor activities away from the source.Places away from alcohol entirely.
Try hiking or renting a boat for the day.Maybe go white water rafting with complete strangers.Who knows you could be around a crowd that does'nt drink.
One last tip stay positive for his sake don't show weakness.Be there for him and show your concern and tell him he's needs help and you'll support him by being by his side every step of the way.
2007-09-16 16:55:53 · answer #4 · answered by rmelawe 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Both of my parents are alcoholics, and they lie where drink is concerned - that's what addicts do. Has he accepted that he has a problem? Perhaps you could have a serious talk with his family - they need to understand the severity of the situation. This is literally a life or death situation; how can they be so blind if he almost died?
How long have you known him? Do you love him? This is going to be hard on you if you choose to support him. You really can't do it alone. There are support organisations available, but he has to want to help himself. Just remember that it is not your job to fix him, and you shouldn't stay with him if you don't think you'll be able to cope with it.
Good luck to both of you.
2007-09-16 16:52:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
theres not much you can do really they have to hit rock bottom to finally change. i grew up with my family totally against alcohol and was never around it. but my husbands family is all alcoholics. some recovering some not. and i can tell you from experience that he will continue to lie to you about it because he does have a problem.until he can bring himself to get help. he has to really want help for himself. you can be there and be supportive and when they are really ready to get help realize they will have falls and slips along the way. and i can tell you it brings alot of heartache. i have been there and done that. it took my husband getting diabetes to finally control his alcohol. i can also tell you you have grounds for your suspicions, the thing about it is you have to let him make his mistakes and try some alanon classes for your self to get support for your self they can teach you how not to be an enabler for him.. good luck and best wishes. it can change if he feels he truely has your love and total support and they do get where they feel embarassed and ashamed. if you tell him you are going to leave him you have to follow through if you give him and alternative or else things will get worse. i have been lucky the VA has a very good rehab program with family support. my husband started drinking worse after he got out of the U.S.Navy. all the men in his family were military.
2007-09-16 17:03:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
There isn't any thing that you can do except let him know that you care for him and that if he ever wants to get sober you're behind him. In the meantime if you're going to continue in a relationship with him than you need to go to Al-anon a program for the family and friends of alcoholics. If you can't find one call an AA group in your area and they should be able to direct you to one. AS for the lying it's partially for you so that he won't have to hear you lecture him and mostly for his sake so that he can deny to himself that he was drinking. People with addictions don't say that Denial isn't the river in Egypt for nothing. It's one of the strongest defense mechanisms that people with addictions use to enable them selves to keep using.
2007-09-16 22:09:38 · answer #7 · answered by Kathryn R 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe the others not to get inebriated and persist with gentle beverages, or simply have plenty of bread and a tumbler of water like an hour earlier than you go away. When you get dwelling simply pass immediately to mattress. Or simply be sincere and say there's alcohol Hope that is helping (: xxxx
2016-09-05 16:38:10 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first you look him in the eye and ask him do he care about you or love you. If he says yes then tell him to stop if he really cares. If that doesn't work, then get ugly with it and tell him that you are not going to communicate with him at all unless he gets help and stop drinking. Good Luck
2007-09-16 16:49:31 · answer #9 · answered by the wise one 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do yourself a favor and visit alanon as I have listed the site below. You cannot change anything but who you are and how you handle everything. Good luck!!!
2007-09-16 16:47:26 · answer #10 · answered by Bc 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋