Im having issues with my ex-husband regarding my daughters last name. When she was born we were seperated, and actually he was served with divorce papers when she was 1 week old. He was in a relationship with someone else, and questioned if our daughter was really his. So I gave her my maiden name, which is my only last name, and left his name out of it. He rarely see's her, or makes any real effort to be part of her life. He just got remaried and has another child on the way. He now wants our daughters name hyphenated to reflect his and his new families. I am completly against this. What do you think?
2007-09-16 16:25:21 · 18 answers · asked by rebecca 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
If you are against it and he isn't really in her life, then there is no need to change it.
2007-09-16 16:30:37 · answer #1 · answered by Mischelle 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have a strong feeling about hyphenated names. When I worked OB the babies with those two last names were hard to keep track of. The lab might use one name and the head nurse use the other name. It was always so very confusing.
Maybe it is more popular now. I don't know.
Considering what you have said I would say NO to the X.
It isn't easy for a kid to go to school and not have the same last name as their primary parent.
Maybe you need to take a parentity test to finally put an end to the question of if he is really the father. Or I predict a life time of you wondering and it already seems a stress in your life. If he isn't the dad, be glad and don't worry about the name. Make him pay for the test.
Do this for your daughter. So, she doesn't have to be part of a parent who may or maynot be her father.
2007-09-16 16:39:16 · answer #2 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's being ridiculous. Why does he think it's so important that she have his name so it looks like she's his daughter on paper but he doesn't see the importance of loving her or TREATING her like a daughter?!!
She doesn't legally have to have his name. Even if the two of you were married and lived happily ever after, if you had written down your maiden name as her last name for her birth certificate, then that's what her name would be.
If he wants to take you to court over it, let him. But if he makes no effort to be a father to his own daughter, I doubt he'll want to put much effort into a court battle.
2007-09-16 17:07:09 · answer #3 · answered by mamabunny 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not change her name to add a hyphen. I not sure of the legal issues in your area, but he does not deserve to have that type of recognition for a child that he is not playing an active role with. Your are the Mom and you have your rights, too. I would let her make that decision as she becomes more mature.
2007-09-16 16:39:57 · answer #4 · answered by J-ME 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is living with you then it makes more sense to keep his name out of it. Besides having had your name changed twice you probably remember what a pain it is to do. (...at least it was for me when I got married)
If she wants to hyphenate her name when she turns 18 that can be her decision, but in the meantime, keep it simple... kids have a hard enough time growing up. The last thing she needs is something else for kids to tease her about.
2007-09-16 16:33:54 · answer #5 · answered by annika_grace 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are the responsible parent so you keep the maiden name.
If he wants a hyphen have him show more interest and responsibility for the daughter he helped bring into this world. DNA is not all that makes for a parent. When your daughter is old enough to decide she can choose but do not be upset if she chooses the hyphenated name.
2007-09-16 16:35:02 · answer #6 · answered by energybuild 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
legally I think you have to do it, if she is actually his. My neighbour wasn't even married to her ex and their daughter legally has to go by both names not just her mom's name like she had been. I think you should speak with your lawyer to see what he/she says. The law may be different where you are compared to where I am. But if it bothers you it is really worth looking into. I do have a feeling though in the end you are going to have to hyphenate it.
2007-09-16 16:33:31 · answer #7 · answered by Janine B 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your baby. Your last name. Too bad for him.
Don't fight him on it. Just tell him how it is. Her name is ______ and I'm not changing it. He has no legal right to demand you change the child's name. It would take both of your signatures to get a name change done, and obviously you can just refuse to sign. If you have been apart that long, why is he even whining about it now?
2007-09-16 16:48:03 · answer #8 · answered by Alyssa and Chloe's Mommy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're the mother. You don't HAVE to do anything. Since he hasn't been a part of her life for quite awhile, I would be hesitant to agree to anything. Maybe, someday, if he actually becomes a father figure to your little girl, then you can reconsider. Until then, I'd say thanks but no thanks. Besides, even if you DID hyphen the name, she's gonna get married some day and change it all over again. What if she wanted to hyphenate her name and her new husbands name? (many women do this nowadays)..... that's a lot of hyphens. lol
2007-09-16 16:30:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
I agree with you. Keep it with your maiden name. It will be too confusing and upsetting for her growing up, especially with having to explain all of that to teachers and other kids in school. "Why is your mom's name not the same as yours?" "Where is your dad?" etcetcetc
I might also suggest that, if you do get remarried, you keep your maiden name at least for your daughter's school records for the same reason.
2007-09-16 16:31:56 · answer #10 · answered by life is good 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Keep it the way it is. He only wants to feed his ego and possibly make himself look better in the eyes of his new family.
2007-09-16 16:39:50 · answer #11 · answered by eharrah1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋