Ok lets just say my new wife and ex wife do not get along. The problem is i share custody of my 8 yr old with my exwife, we have been divorced for 4 yrs.Hear are my 2 problems.1. My ex wants to have joint b-day parties for our son but my new wife wants us to have seperate ones(meaning my son has 1 with us and 1 with his mom) this is how we have always done it since the divorce but my ex want to combine them now to "share the work/expense" 2. My ex does not want my new wife to attend parent/teacher conferences with me.My new wife feels she should go as my son lives with us 50% of the time and my ex should not go with me since we are divorced and my ex should go on her own. I agree with my new wife but i want to do whats best for my son.
2007-09-16 15:43:02 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Sorry but your new wife sounds petty, jealous and insecure.
The child's needs come first and the child will be much happier if everyone gets along with each other and learns by example how respect works. First wife doesn't become invisible just because new version comes along.
Sounds to me like you need to be the man here and insist on cooperation with both. 2nd wife needs to grow up.
2007-09-16 19:34:16 · answer #1 · answered by flip 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think I am safe in assuming that the ex isn't married?
First off, what I am writing I do feel it would be best for your son...
The new wife should not attend the parent/teacher conferences...all it would do is cause tension that your ex would not hide from your son - and your son has done nothing to deserve that sort of tension.
You should set up and get your own time for the P/T conferences - there is no reason that you need to attend them with your ex.
The birthday parties - keep them separate - your ex is trying to form some sort of "pissing contest" with your new wife - and again, your son did nothing to deserve such a display.
You share joint custody - which means that you have an equal say in things - just because your ex wants joint parties does not mean that you must agree. If separate parties have worked for 4 years, there is no need to change them now.
I think your new wife needs to be silent (publicly) on these issues - while I have no doubt that she has nothing but the best interest of your son in mind - it seems as if the ex would challenge and make a mountain out of a mole hill over anything she has to say - take the new wife's thoughts in and do what the two of you decide is best - but the less your ex knows of the new wife's involvement, the better off your son will be.
2007-09-16 22:57:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe since you ALL are involved, you sure should ALL be included in everything your son does. IF you've been having separate birthday parties & it's been working out fine, I DO NOT see any reason to change now. Honestly, I don't feel the need for it. Why at this point in time should it change, especially since it's going to cause friction. If it's not broken, don't "fix" it! I DO agree since your son lives w/you 50% of the time, your present wife also has a "say" in what he does while living with BOTH of you, why shouldn't she ALSO go to parent teacher's conferences?! I think your ex is doing a bit of "nit picking" that she should NOT get herself involved in. You should be free to do what you want, you have 50% custody. She does what she wants, why shouldn't you & your wife do the same...You & your wife have every rite to do as YOU TWO please. AGAIN, if it's not broken, it doesn't need to be fixed. Actually, this way your son knows for sure that you ALL care equally.
2007-09-16 23:02:45 · answer #3 · answered by Sue C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally I would honor your present wife and have seperate birthday parties as you have been doing all along.
As for the teacher conferences, I am sorry but your present wife need not attend and you should be going with your ex. You made a child together and should be mature enough to be in the same room when it comes to the education and welfare of that child.
You have many bridges to cross in your child's life that will not be able to be seperate events! Graduations, wedding, special awards or sporting or other school events that neither of you should miss out on because the other one will be there. Maybe the 2 women should try to focus on the best interest of the child in this case, rather than any animosity or jealousy they are feeling. They don't have to be friends, but the 3 of you are co-parenting this child. And should be able to have limited contact with each other. You as his father and your ex as his mother are the main influences and need to stay that way.
2007-09-16 22:55:51 · answer #4 · answered by dizzkat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have just become a grandma, after raising four kids, three from my first marriage and one from my second. We tried to raise them in the least amount of confliction as we could. After all, I divorced my first husband, not his family. When I remarried (and they were young), my husbands family was just as important. In the beginning we had seperate parties and it just seemed ridiculous. I can tell you this, your new wife has to come to grips with this, because it will always be....you have prom's, graduation, weddings, baby showers, you are connected for the rest of your lives. What does your ex plan to do when there is a school concert, baseball games, the list goes on. This is not about her...this is about your 8 year-old who did not sign up for this. You married your new wife, it's time she put the insecurities away, unless you are giving her reason to feel this way. Again, this is about alittle boy who had nothing to do with this mess. Actually, I am rather surprised that you had to ask this question, you already know what's right, it's what is right for that precious little boy. Why on earth would you expect a teacher to explain things twice for the convience of your wife, if she can not sit in the same room for 15 minutes with your ex-wife to hear about your son, you got bigger problems then you know, just wait until your planning a wedding...........be the adults.......
2007-09-17 00:31:23 · answer #5 · answered by marinemom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
as far as b-day parties go, play it by ear. it may work some yrs and not others. what happens when the ex wants some extravegant party and you wind up footing the bill? best to leave that one alone til the time comes. with teacher conf., they both have a point. it would be great if everyone could come together as a family who's sole concern is for the child but, it doesn't sound as though that's going to happen. i'd say you and the ex go together or ask the teacher for seperate conferences. i'm sure they'll understand. really, i'd tell the two women to get their acts together, shut up, and get over it. you're their for the child.
2007-09-16 23:28:31 · answer #6 · answered by racer 51 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your current wife is thin-skinned and your ex-wife is trying to cut expenses on the parties... that seems reasonable.
BOTH of these women need to be involved in the parent/teacher conferences so everyone is on the same page regarding the progress of the kid. This is about the kid, not anyone's thin skin.
Sounds like your ex- and current wife need to suck it up and deal with it all as if they were in the workplace.
They don't have to be buddies, just be able to pull these little items off for the sakes of the kid.
Tell them to regard this as DOING BUSINESS.
2007-09-16 22:54:07 · answer #7 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think for all these to work out, both of your priority is to decide what is best for your son. Hvaing that in mind, you can make a better sound decision. Yes sometimes you may hurt both of your wives ego, however ultimately, your son would still be the main conceran as he is the only ones that need protection still.
Since your son is 8yrs old, you can also discuss with him what he feels when you make certain decision. In that way you can take his feelings into consideration.
On the other hand, you New wife should understand that when she marries you, she need to be understanding enough for you to accomodate your son's feeling.
so take care..
2007-09-17 00:11:58 · answer #8 · answered by trymejames 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Joint birthday - it would be nice if you could all set aside your adult frictions and just celebrate this kid who is supposed to mean so much to all of you. Agree with ex wife.
Ex needs to realize that your new wife is a fact of life, and ALSO cares about your son. Again, it would be nice if you could all set aside your adult frictions and just do what's best for this kid. Agree with wife.
Score: 1-1
2007-09-16 22:51:24 · answer #9 · answered by Bill 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't punish your son for a adult security problem,the child loves you all and can't understand what the problem is,it's his day and time,allow him to be a child instead of you all acting like a child. i know it's not easy but please try to keep the scars off the child,he will always remember the good you do for him,if you adults need help seek pro. help
2007-09-16 22:54:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋