divorced dad needs help regarding ex wife and new wife mature helpful answers only please?

Question

Ok lets just say my new wife and ex wife do not get along. The problem is i share custody of my 8 yr old with my exwife, we have been divorced for 4 yrs.Hear are my 2 problems.1. My ex wants to have joint b-day parties for our son but my new wife wants us to have seperate ones(meaning my son has 1 with us and 1 with his mom) this is how we have always done it since the divorce but my ex want to combine them now to "share the work/expense" 2. My ex does not want my new wife to attend parent/teacher conferences with me.My new wife feels she should go as my son lives with us 50% of the time and my ex should not go with me since we are divorced and my ex should go on her own. I agree with my new wife but i want to do whats best for my son.

Answer 1

I think it is a complicated situation and it is difficult to give advice, but I will tell you what I think and maybe it will give you some ideas.
I think your new wife should show more respect for the child, and what is best for him. The child is not an orphan so she has to deal with the fact that the boy has a mother, for best or for worse.
My husband has a son from a previous marriage and I never attempted to be a second mother to him. I respect him and that is all I can do. Whatever related to school and upbringing had to be done... I let my husband do and go...
I think your new wife is jealous and has not security regarding her condition in the marriage and regarding the boy and situation.
I think you should seek a councelor so a neutral person should explain to her... what her position is.
While you are in the midst of it,.. you'll loose one way or the other. Fix the position, define who is who as soon as possible.
good luck and focus on your child above all.

Answer 2

I think you and your new wife have the right idea. All decisions you make should be for the child. Birthday parties don't have to be elaborate, so there should be no worry about expenses. Then, what kid wouldn't want 2 parties? Parent/teacher conferences all the parents should attend at one time. That way you can all hear the same thing. Teachers don't have time to have 2 conferences for a child and I think it would be unreasonable to ask. Your ex-wife is being vindictive and is not helping. She should want what's best for her son, and the more adult input, the better. What a wonderful thing that your new wife wants to be part of your son's life. Since you are the dad, the decisions should be YOURS. Don't let the moms argue.

Answer 3

Phew rock and a difficult position. Dont omit you subject. If you wish to recognize what's first-rate for your son ask him. Each man or woman may have yet another notion, I suppose that your wanting what's high-quality for your son is encouraging and deserving of appreciate. Thank you. If all parties were to be led through your instance the decisions can be obvious and effortless i'm definite. Viewed compromise? Participating in your ex's birthday party whilst nonetheless having your possess could be a feasible resolution. Your ex doesn't have the proper to dictate movements on your home, Sharing work/fee is also a little too open, you might let her be aware of what you're willing and/or are equipped to contribute, an hindrance worth speakme to your wife about as it impacts your loved ones. The parent/trainer assembly issue, asking the impartial could also be a excellent . Ask the teacher, and if she hasn't course so that it will be satisfactory in your son or the process then open working out is at all times a better direction. There can be no mystery if all events worried are reward as long as it does not obstruct the procedure then nice for all involved to be there. I t's fairly about compromise and negotiation. You're open to enter which is a exceptional step for any relationship. Feeling torn emotionally is a good time to look for choices from anybody now not emotionally involved.. Nice of ' for the long run.

Answer 4

When an old wife gets replaced it'll be a while before they get along. However, sometimes they never do. But in this case there is a child involved so everyone must do whats best for him and not yourselves. I know how your ex wife feels about the new wife attending parent/conference. She might feel that if she attends that she's trying to interfere on how your ex raises your son so her defenses are up. Now i think its great that your new wife wants to be a part of your son's life that's just awesome. But when it comes to birthdays all parents must attend. At times like this you have to show your son that everyone can get along with one another. you might think that he's OK having 2 different parties and all but it'll probably make him happy to see the people he loves very mush get celebrating his birthday together.. I hope everything goes well with your family. God bless and take care...

Answer 5

Why is your ex wanting to change how things have always been done? If it's a matter of convienence for her, then I would say No and that you are happy with the way things have been in the past regarding your son's birthdays. As far as parent teacher conferences, I would request a seperate time from your ex. Teachers are understanding in situations like this. I know hard this is, been there, done that. The best for your child is not to talk about anything in front of him, and to make sure your new wife doesn't either.(you can't control what your ex does) Try to be as civil as possible with your ex, and let your new wife know that you expect the same from her.

Answer 6

Your new wifes sounds insecure about your marriage and is a little worried that you may go back to your ex-wife. Your ex-wife sounds worried that the new wife is trying to take over being your son's mother. They both need to get over it. The issue is what is best for your son. The answer is simple. The two women don't have to like each other, but they need to at least be civil and polite to each other when together especially in front of your child. They are adults and adults are polite and pretend to get along with people they don't like everyday. 1 bday party is a great idea, saves on expenses and is easier on your son. If your new wife wants to go to the conferences let her, but inform her that you will be attending with the ex, so the two of you can make the best decision for your son and you would welcome any ideas she has. Tell your ex wife that you will not exclude your current wife from your son's life just because she doesn't like her. Always remember that the concern is what is best for Jr. not what will make these women feel better.

Answer 7

I have been dealing with this sort of thing for years.

About the b-day party: my opinion would be to keep the parties separate.
For years I tried to involve my ex and his family in family events for the sake of my daughter but it always turned out to be more problems and stress and just took away from the happy occasion. Just remember that it should be about your son. Pick your battles. If your ex insists on HER having the party that would include his friends, just let her and you can have an intimate party of just family on your end or vise versa.
If she can't afford the expense maybe she should bring her ideas down to a smaller scale. Usually my family or my daughter's godparents will offer to buy the cake or help with the food or whatever else. I'm sure your ex has others to help her with these things.

Parent/teacher conferences: can't the two of you go at separate times? Teachers will always meet with parents even when it's not p/t conference day, you only need to ask for an apt. That aside, why can't you and your ex go together? It makes no difference that you two are divorced, you have a child together and that's more important than your new wife and ex wife not getting along. If your new wife wants to be in on the conference, by all means, take her. If the two can't be in the same room together, you and she should make a separate apt from your ex's. But to do it separately because you two are no longer married?!! Sounds like your new wife can't get over that you were married before her.

Answer 8

What's best for your son is to see his parents can still be a team when it comes to him. Speaking as a child of divorce whose parents refused to even speak to each other, and all messages either went through lawyers or the kids, it would have been nice if my parents could have been civil. I can't even imagine what it would have been like if they had even cared enough to try to do things together and stay friends. Maybe your ex and your wife don't get along, but situations do change when someone gets married.

I say that it's true that B-day parties get way too expensive (especially for kids these days) and perhaps your wife really needs your help in giving him a great birthday. As for your new wife at parent teach meetings, if you all want to go together, fine. But you and your wife should not go separately. The key word is TEAM. Good luck.

Answer 9

What is best for your son? For the adults in his life who are responsible for him to grow up and get along. For whatever reason you and your wife are no longer married you have to both come to grips with it and the current situation. Yes your wife should go to the teacher/parent conferences. So should your ex and you should go together -the teacher should not have to schedule separate meetings because one or all of you are too childish to get along. I know this sound harsh - but the bottom line is your son is not a toy or possession to be fighting over. He is not something either of you can negotiate with. You HAVE to do what is best for him. You have to love him unconditionally. That means putting his needs first. Which means the adults need to have a united front and not be bashing one another in front of him or fighting over him or his circumstances. He did not choose for you to divorce. The choices you make now will affect him the rest of his life. So please for his sake even if you have to go to counseling stop the bickering - especially over such dumb things. These do not really matter in the grand scheme of things. AS for the bday party - it is supposed to be a joyous event celebrating the birth of your son and his life. Do that and nothing more.

Answer 10

Your ex wife should be at the conferences. Your new wife is an optional party to the conferences. If that means all three of you go, then three of you go. If it means two seperate conferences, one for your ex and one for you and your wife, then maybe the teacher can accomodate that.

Parties, I agree with some of the others, find out if your son wants you all to be there together or wants two seperate parties.

Answer 11

What is best for your son is for you and your ex to work together as parents. Ask your son if he would rather have the parties together or separate since the parties are for him not you, your wife or exwife. As for the parent/teacher conferences, it is both of your son not just yours and not just hers. It would be best if you can attend together so you can both get the same information on your son and work together to better any problems or together reward him for the good things. You have to parent together even when you are living apart. You made an agreement to divorce your exwife but that doesn't mean that you two don't have a child together and you don't have to work together it is always better for the child when the parents even if divorced work together. This isn't really about what makes your wife confortable, it isn't her child. But your wife should also attend the meetings and so should the stepfather (if there is one)