why am i soo dumb?!?

Question

i went on a date today with a guy i liked and we were talking and all. It was all nice and i felt good but then towards the end i started thinking about the goodbye. I got nervous and i really wanted to have a nice goodbye. So we were standing looking at each other and i definitely felt something between us. but then we did this thing where we sidestepped and instead it was A DISASTER! we didn't even hug and i felt soo embarrassed and a little disappointed. I wanted to hug him but something held me back and i got cold feet! and we just parted ways.

So what do i say to him when i talk to him later? I get so stupid when it comes to things like romance.
I think i have issues. I get worked up thinking about the kiss and i want to do it but the when the chance comes i don't do it and im actually relieved and i get thoughts of 'Good...' and its like im actually repulsed by lips! What should i do about that issue too?

Answer 1

Ok 1st of all YOU ARE NOT DUMB, OK!
I'll bet you are kind of young, & inexperienced, so what happened tonight is perfectly OK.
I know you felt embarrassed because things didn't go just like you see it happen on TV or the movies, but remember it doesn't always go right for those guys either, but they get to rehearse everything before they try to put it on film, & even then they don't always get it right so they get a 2nd take after the director yell "cut".
You aren't so lucky. You don't get a 2nd take for that particular scene, but the good news is: you get to try it again in the next act. lol.

You said you think you have issues. Well I think your issue is that you are still pretty young, & you just aren't ready for the big love scene yet. It gets awkward because you are putting too much pressure on yourself to have everything go perfectly on the 1st try. There's no rush here. Life isn't a sprint it's a marathon, so pace yourself & cut yourself some slack.
The boy you were with tonight was at least as nervous as you, maybe even more.

When you next see him, just let him know you are happy to see him like always. He will be reassured by that, & he will be glad that you don't think that HE is the total loser for the way things went tonight.

You may be young, you may be inexperienced, but you definately don't deserve to be called "dumb" not even by you.
Nobody will think that you are dumb unless you give up on yourself, so keep trying. You're learning, & you'll get better at it each time you try. ;-)

Answer 2

you definitely have to make a joke about the weird goodbye thing. Be like ok this didn't work last time so I thought up this really great plan for this time - you just stand there and pucker your lips like you want to kiss me...etc

don't ask me why you get repulsed by lips..I think you're just relieved because a potentially awkward moment passed you by. Quit being such a baby because you're only going to make yourself miss out on a lot of cool stuff. Even if a kiss goes weird all you can do is laugh about it!
A situation is only awkward if you make it that way

Answer 3

You're not dumb, we all get anxious. At work I can speak in front of a 100 people without breaking a sweat, but last weekend I got so nervous saying good night on a first date that I shook her hand!

I am sure her felt the same so don't worry.

I just make a joke later about her firm hand shake and made her laugh. Ok, so we didnt have a second date but that was for other reasons.

Answer 4

You're not dumb!

I guess, you just expected too much.

I had also experienced those awkward moments during my younger days.

I realized the reason for all of these awkward stuff to happen is when I keep thinking or planning/rehearsing what should happen... (ends up in a disaster), because, this is out of I control and with the little help of my friekin' cold feet!

Tip: Next time you go out with a person you like, have a good rest breforehand, keep an open mind, be yourself, and enjoy the moment, eventually the date would turn out "OK" or "Great"

Try it!

Answer 5

In every relationship there's always going to be awkward moments, especially in the beginning. When you talk to him, just tell him you wanted to kiss him, but you're stupid when it comes to romance. Or you can just pretend nothings wrong and the next time you kick it make sure you do what you want to do.

About the whole kissing thing, i used to be like in h.s. but i think that it was because two reasons:
1. i wasn't ready and/or the right guy hadn't came along.
You barely went out with this guy once, so the more closer you guys get the more comfortable you'll feel and the more you'll want to kiss him, even if it's weird
2. i was repulsed by it too, i liked guys, but i just liked them, i thought sex would probably be nasty and i didn't like or get the whole kissing thing. but at the same time if there was a guy i really liked, i wanted to kiss him and be good at it. being good at it is what made me the most nervous, 'cause i wanted him to enjoy it. But once you kiss someone that you really like, you won't be repulsed anymore. Just do it, ONE can of beer can help to make you less nervous, but you should just make yourself do it when he moves in to kiss you. and just go with the flow, and don't let your teeth get in the way, but just go along with whatever he's doing

Answer 6

You not dumb you’re just a virgin to the whole dating ideal. Go slow with a guy if you aren’t comfortable yet. Call him sometimes, ask to go to a movie or two (If he doesn’t ask you first.) You know, do all the simple, yet appreciate stuff, to break the ice between you two. Trust me, once you do kiss and hold hands in public and everything that currently makes you shy, you will become comfortable with it. A guy likes it when you show him affection. I know I do. Don't worry about the romantic mishaps like the sidestep you mentioned. Just smile and laugh about it, you shouldn't feel shy or embarrassed. Good luck!

Answer 7

Don't feel dumb. What you should think of is that you will be grateful that your six sense was kicking in and telling you what you should be doing. If you want to hug, you'll hug, if you want to call this guy and tell him you had a great time and hope t see him again, call him. Just let yourself be OK w/ the choices that you make.
It's not being dumb. Your brain is telling you that what you feel like now, might not be best for you. So, stay focused and true to yourself and you should be fine.

Answer 8

Dear u need a little confident.....i have an idea for that....just go against mirror and....prepare for end game of date......like what talk u can do will look sweet and how u can behave..which is something more than friend;)......how u can smile more sweetly...and how u can create...some close impression on him...well u can also see some cool movies..and just follow their style in front of mirror for practice...
now what i recommend is,

go closer ..have his hand in ur hands...and eye 2 eye...and say...it was so nice to talk with you.....u really njoyed alot and felt alot....thanks for all.. come closer and smile....and em sure he will do the rest.....just cooperate him...whatever he will do..cause it may be his also first date:P.....be closer...so at least u will hug in second date...after having more confident...be prepared 4 first kiss:)

njoy..nd have a gr8 time......

Jin

Answer 9

Stop thinking about it so much. When its right, you will want to kiss the person. Not every date has to end in a kiss or a hug. Maybe you will end up being friends with this guy and dating his friend. Take it easy. There is plenty of time for the end of the date.

Answer 10

hahahah.........You are 100% normal. I suspect your are a young lady without much dating experience, and the boy is about the same. I am 61 years old and rememeber having the same thoughts, and reactions on first dates when I was say 13-15 years old. You will look back on this someday and really laugh about it. For now, do nothing, tell the boy how much you enjoyed yourself, and if you look forward to doing it again, tell him. The first "Hug" or "Kiss" will come naturally. Thank you for letting me remember to the real old days. enjoy yourself lady.