I'm not really sure what to do now...?

Question

everything just seems to be falling apart. even small things start to bother me anymore. i keep most everything to myself, hoping that it'll just go away after a while. then one little thing sets me off into yelling and screaming or sobbing uncontrolably. my friendships are falling apart because of my inability to do my share to keep them going and i'm getting father and farther away from them.

lately part of my mind has been telling me to break off all of my friendships and keep everyone at a distance. that it'll be better for me. the other part tells me to keep my friends. i'm not sure what to do.

i have been suicidal for quite a while. i also used to cut and smoke. i've been tempted to pick up the habits again, due to my attempts to go to a theripist being ignored by my parents. i've tried to keep my mind occupied by doing things. i used to write to keep my moods balanced, now i can't think of what to write.

i'm not sure what to do anymore. any advice?

i've been a pretty independant person most of my life. never worked well in groups at school, don't talk in groups. i'm usually a shy person, though i keep up a front to most people that i'm unemotional and don't let anything bother me.

my moods change rapidly. within the first week of my new school my friend/bf said that he could tell that i had mood swings when i told him the other day because one minute i'll be chattering happily away, the next i'll be watching my hands being really quiet. i have problems looking people inthe eyes, too. when i walk i keep looking down at the ground, only looking up to avoid running into things.

like i said before, i keep most of the things bothering me to myself. i'm frightened of going to an institute. my friend went to one back in april. when i talked to her last month she sounded so much different. she had gone due to being suicidal, which i said before i am.

Answer 1

I attached some sites. I bet they have information that can be beneficial to you.

Answer 2

You need to take control of you life and by asking for help is the first step.

I believe you are clinically depressed, you are no bipolar. This is due to the fact that you stated you are set off easily, and the behavior you mentioned.

I also want you to NEVER cut yourself again! It is not okay to do that and is not a good way release any pain you have or the way you may feel about yourself or any body image issues you have.

If your parents won't listen to you try to approach them differently...sit them down for a serious talk. They may just think its a phase or b/c of your age.

If you need a release then smoke, if it really makes you feel better. :)
You may just be going through a really bad time right now. When I was 16 I wanted to kill myself and acted just like you...except for cutting....I almost went to an institution and I wouldn't have minded if I did. I knew that I really didn't want to kill myself b/c I would have gone through with it.

You need to find your own inner peace and you will be much happier....I speak from experience.

Please stop being so hard on yourself...you seem like a nice person. Killing yourself is not the answer and its like letting your problems win.

FYI ~> When people kill themselves they usually try to grab onto something once the are lying on the ground for that one second they are still alive....this is a medical sign that they realized they made a mistake.

Try meditating....I personally love Buddhism. It keeps me balanced and centered in life.

If you ever need to talk....e-mail me from my profile page.

Answer 3

Life is never so horrible that it should be taken away. I'm sure that people have told you time and time again that you are a worthwhile person, and at the risk of sounding cliche, you are. Simply by asking this question to the world, you have proven that you are still trying. I have never gone through a phase in my life like what you are now, and I'm not going to try to sound like I have.

My first advice: Let life defeat you before you ever decide that you want to defeat yourself. No matter how bad life gets, there is always something more that you can do.

Second: You listed a great many people in your question. Therapists, parents, friends. These are all people who seem to care about you. Please don't push them away because they seem like they would be the ones you could lean on when things get bad, and they have been.
Most of all, don't push away your friends. Your family may be obliged to love you, and the therapist may be obliged to say he cares, but your friends will definitely be there for you because you earned them.

Last: Live. No matter what someone does to you, or you do to yourself, live. The meaning of life is to live it, and if you throw that one chance away, you will be throwing away all the hundreds of thousands of chances that you could have had to impact the people who may one day come to care about you.

I really hope this helps. If you ever need anything, you have one more person to lean on. Much love.

Answer 4

So, I gotta say you demand the therapy for starters. Is there anyone in School, like a guidence councelor or a teacher you trust? Any action you do, take a moment to think about it and listen to what your gut is telling you. Also, keep writting about it or talking about it to someone you trust.Once you say anything outloud or write it down, dont you feel less like it owns you?Write about anything and it doesnt have to be perfect. Even writting about it this way, in Yahoo answers is better than keeping it to yourself. Dont isolate.Force yourself to be with people even if you dont want to, they can tell when something is not right and maybe can help you get help.Hang in there.

Answer 5

You sound horribly similar to me, so if you wanna email, go ahead.

First off, go to your GP and get some antidepressants because you're so obviously depressed at the moment. You haven't said how old you are but if you're over 16 in the UK (I think 18 in the US) you don't have to involve your parents at all. Your GP will also be able to refer you to the appropriate people.

Sounds like you could be rapid cycling bipolar. This isn't technically recognised at the moment, but most doctors will diagnose it where appropriate.

Don't cut yourself, you'll regret it later, trust me. And smoking is so hard to give up it's not worth starting again.

I mean it, email me. I have major depression and my sister is bipolar so I like to think I can help a bit.

Answer 6

Hi,
Part of the issue is that you do keep things to yourself and bottled up..... There are trust issues going on here too, and the more you isolate the worse you feel .
Your going to need to get counseling and be able to trust someone so you can confide in them.
It is not going to get easier until you can find at least one person you can talk to.

Answer 7

i'm not a psychiatrist or anything, but it sounds to me like you might be bipolar. I went through pretty much everything you described before I was diagnosed a few years ago. It's a pain, but they have medicine and treatment that helps a lot.

Answer 8

Hey there!!! Musical304, is bang on!!! Take her advice, print it, and post it on your fridge!!! Live strong 80!! You are loved, by many a people, just reach out for them, and they will be there, for "a friend will stick closer than a brother"