We were celebrating my fathers birthday and my daughters at my parents home this weekend.. My son plays the tuba and is very shy about playing in front of anyone.. he said he wanted to play something for his grandfather for his birthday.. my son is 12 years old and it took alot for him to finally ask his grandfather if he wanted to hear him play something.. Of course my father said yes.. I was very proud of my son for getting the nerve up to do this.. Then a knock on the door.. It was almost 8pm Sunday night .. school night.. It was a neighbor that my parents are watching their dog next week wanting to go over the schedule.. My father and mother both got up and walked out the front door to visit with the neighbor for a about 15 mins.. My son was all broken up that his grandfather walked out the door.. Yea he's an emotional soft soul littel boy..
was it rude to knock on a neighbors door at this hour on a sunday night. and was it rude for my father to walk out on my son??
2007-09-16
14:47:16
·
6 answers
·
asked by
Vindicatedfather
4
in
Society & Culture
➔ Etiquette
By the time my father came back.. My son was over it and was very upset.. My mother didn't think it was rude for the neighbor to knock on the door un announced at that hour of the night or that they both walked over to deal with the dog sitting issue. i said they should have invited the neighbor in and told them we were having a birthday party and I'm sure they would have said to come over when they were done and allowed up to continue with the little family party. What do you think???
2007-09-16
14:49:59 ·
update #1
It was not rude to knock on the door, and here is why... if it is common practice for these neighbors to do this, then it is okay, between them.
The neighbor had no way of knowing what was going on.
It was wonderful that your son wanted to play for his grandfather. The grandfather was not rude for answering the door, however, he should have come to your son first, and said.........
"Let me get the door and see whats going on here, as soon as I come back, you be ready to play for me.... okay?"
To just dismiss his grandchild was not cool.
I have found this to be true with my own parents. It is a generational thing. They dont take the feelings of children as anything serious. They figure the kid should just get over it. In this day and age, we know better.
I think you gotta cut them a little slack and explain to your son that his grandfather will listen to him play at another time, that it was just a fluke that someone knocked on the door right when he was about to play.
We have to take the high road with this emotional stuff when dealing with the previous generations. They just were not taught to be sensitive to these situations. That is why the grandfather didnt realize he had done anything wrong. Just be patient and remember, they love your son, they are just unfamiliar with how you deal with your childs emotional side.
2007-09-16 15:09:24
·
answer #1
·
answered by pink 6
·
1⤊
0⤋
I'm a little torn on this one. It was your father's party, and to paraphrase the old song, "It's his party, he can leave if he wants to..." My guess is that he had no idea how much courage it took for your son to ask to play for him (something I can relate to, as I'm a pianist with stage fright). I also think you are right in thinking that they should have invited the neighbor in to join the party; most people would have taken the hint and said, "We can go over it when your guests are gone." I don't think 8 p.m. is all that late to be going over to someone's house, especially if it's someone you know well. All in all, I'd say there was some thoughtlessness here, certainly, although I don't believe it was intentional rudeness.
I think YOU need to be sure to let your son know how proud YOU are that he was willing to play for his grandfather; a parent often trumps a grandparent, after all. If he can manage it, I'd encourage him to ask to play again some time.
2007-09-16 22:02:56
·
answer #2
·
answered by Anonymous
·
2⤊
0⤋
I feel for your son. It wasn't rude--just unfortunate. Your parents' neighbors wouldn't have known it was a birthday party and they probably didn't think of it as a school night since your parents don't have school-aged children living with them.
Your parents should have said something to your son before they answered the door. I'm not sure they were completely rude, since it's not like they could ignore a knock on the door. For all you know, they might have told the neighbor to stop by that evening to discuss the dog issue. You could say something to your parents in a couple of days if they don't know what it took for your son to volunteer to perform like that.
2007-09-16 22:00:14
·
answer #3
·
answered by Patrick's wife 2
·
4⤊
0⤋
It sounds like an unfortunate set of circumstances and poor timing. Your parents are attempting to be good neighbors, and the time the neighbors came would have been fine a half-hour later. (Phone calls and visitors after 9:00 p.m. may be considered to be rude unless an alternate time has been agreed upon.) Yes your parents could have told the neighbors they would get back to them, but it would have added a second disruption to the party and they may have failed to concentrate on your son's performance because they were concerned about straightening out the details with the neighbor.
You do have an opportunity to help your son see that he could have chosen to wait for his grandparents to conclude their business with the neighbors instead of missing the opportunity to share his talent with his grandfather. Praise his willingness to step out of his comfort zone in offering to play and hopefully, he will try again.
2007-09-16 22:24:33
·
answer #4
·
answered by detailgirl 4
·
1⤊
0⤋
... well the neighbor didn't know there was a party? Or perhaps they could tell? They could have seen the party and excused themselves, unless they were leaving that night (I assume they would be away, since the issue was dog watching.)
But basically - the grandparents should have arranged to meet the neighbor AFTER the performance, either in 20 minutes or the next day. Yes, it was rude and insensitive of both grandparents. However - you don't need to teach your parents manners - only your children :)
2007-09-16 21:56:55
·
answer #5
·
answered by SC 5
·
2⤊
0⤋
It was not rude to knock on the door and it was inconsiderate of your father to get up and walk away. He should have invited the neighbors in to hear his grandson play but that's all passed. Talk to your dad and tell him about his lapse in judgment. He can fix the situation by asking his grandson for a private concert.
2007-09-16 22:10:51
·
answer #6
·
answered by Lov'n IT! 7
·
1⤊
0⤋