How to confront an EX that gave you an STD?

Question

My baby's father and I have not been together in a relationship, since a few months before my daughter was born. He put me through a lot while he I was pregnant and when enough was enough I finally ended it. He is currently in jail on drug charges. He's hurt me deeply and eventhough I'm healing, I'm wondering if I should confront him with the fact that he gave me Herpes.
I was diagnosed only a couple of days before the birth of my daughter by c-section (to prevent it from being transmitted to her). He and I had been together a year. Before he started getting involved in drugs we had discussed marriage and having a future together, so it wasn't a fly-by-night romance.
I have not been sexually involved with anyone else, but him since we've met. I never had any signs of Herpes before him. There has been one time where I thought he cheated on me, but he denied it. I know he had been with other women in between break-ups at least. Should I confront him about this?

To avoid any judgmental responses, let me offer more info: My daughter was born back in the Spring of this year. My EX and I broke up back in January before she was born. I had had a Herpes outbreak about a month or so after I had suspected him of cheating on me. At the time, I thought it was everything, but an outbreak. However, when my doctor diagnosed me I recalled that and had an "aha" moment I guess. The reason why I'm wondering if I should confront him is because he does have a temper and he does want to get back with me. I'm afraid he may use this against me and probably deny it.
I have not been in any relationships or dated anyone since my EX. No hurry to be for obvious reasons. I know that before I ever get sexually intimate with a guy tht I must tell him that I have Herpes.
I doubt my EX will tell the women he's involved with that he has it. However, it may be possible that he knows he does...Its a hairy situation,but regardless I don't trust my EX to be honest!

Whenever he asks me why I don't feel we should get back together. I give him several good reasons why. No he wasn't there for me on a consistent basis while I was pregnant and did nothing for the baby after she was born. He's been in jail for a month now and all the sudden he's a changed man! Yeah right! I want to tell him the biggest reason I do not want to reconcile, but it could backfire on me too. My daughter is a blessing in my life and its all about her and my older daughter. He needs to know what he done to me, but I'm not sure if its worth it.

Answer 1

Ok If I was you,
I would confront him, but dont go up and start yelling at him like crazy, and if he as a bad temper than have a friend or someone around who can help you at if things get bad. Dont Do it by yourself, and If I was you I would NOT get back together with him, obviously he cheated on you and maybe he tried getting with the other chick but maybe she realized about you or something she might have the virus too, so it all depends, but from what you told us, I would say he is the type that is 'once a cheater, always a lying virus infected cheater'. Find someone who treats you right, without a temper and who will be a good role model for your daughters. I hope it helped.

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

2

Answer 4

Yes! But not just because he was cheating on you, but because he is a carrier of herpes. He should inform anyone with whom he's had sexual relations in order to halt the spread of the disease. And the woman or women he's been with, have a right to know. He has a moral obligation to inform them. Herpes, unfortunately is not curable, but it can be controlled with medications. If you have sex with anyone else, you must also inform that person, and use protection in the form of condoms. Even herpes that is controlled by medication is still contagious. You don't have to have an active outbreak in order to spread the disease, so always use a condom and let your partner know. Good luck!

Answer 5

You can if you want. You need to focus on your daughter and leave him alone. He sounds like he is full of crap. He is in and out of jail and he isn't stable. If he gave you Herpes, he might give you something else. Don't waste your time on him anymore. When and if you tell him, he will deny it or blame you. Be prepared for the worst.

Answer 6

Whoa, that's deep. Well, you are going to have to decide what you want to do. If you are done with him and don't want to see him again, write a letter, tell him what's up, and then tell him nothing has changed and you still DON'T want to be bothered with him.
I think it's important to tell him so he can get treated. This STD is no joke, and can effect someone's health down the road.
So, have a clear mind, take care of yourself and your body, and that wonderful little girl. Good luck

Answer 7

Hell yea you should confront him. he gave you herpes remember. Not only that but say he doesn't know he has herpes and sleeps with somebody else. You wouldn't want them getting herpes because your man is a careless dog right? Also, I would ask him if it burns when it pees and then kick him in the nuts.

Answer 8

I say hell yeah let his *** know he gave you something. He has probably given it to someone else and could keep given it to people if he is unaware. If he has a temper to the point where you think he will do something to you then just tell him that he should take a test because you have your suspicions and leave his *** alone.

Answer 9

I understand why you would want to. I don't know how much it would change things, because he can't take it back. Those are terrible situations, and if it would make you feel better to let him have it, then all means do it. You have the right and deserve to say whatever you want to him.

Answer 10

You should tell him about your suspicion of him having the virus. And ask him to get tested. If he won't then try to get a court order to have him tested. I suspect that he will deny it and even try to blame it on you. You can't really win with this situation. All you can do is get Valtrex and get on with life.