Why is it that when a woman gets involved with a married man......?

Question

......people say she deserves better? Is she not a party to this wrong doing? Is she not equally cullpable, especially when she knows the man is married? Why would someone say "You deserve better!" to them, when what they clearly deserve is to get married themselves and then be that wife who loses her husband to another woman? Aren't they also adults who should suffer the ramifications of their own actions?
Why is it assumed that women are the "innocents" when they get involved with a married man?

Sorry all I should have included a specific example, like the one below....

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ArT1TBvpok.cpOFdO8dQnXXsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20070916165022AAnPt6x&show=7#profile-info-YgsmbTezaa

It is answer #16 on the other page that bothered me. That's the one where they say "you deserve better"

Answer 1

years ago, women werent as open as they are now, it was always the mans fault, but now the women are or worse then the men ever thought to be,to sum it all up in a nut shell, there is no love in the world today, its all lust, and that never works for long

Answer 2

Obviously you haven't been reading some of the answers we give to the bimbos that throw themselves at married men.I myself was thinking the very same thing as you,why do a lot of people say to the one who ask the question you deserve better. That p i s s e s me off when i read that, no she don't deserve better she is just as guilty as the man is so you see we all don't feel the same way so please don't put us in the same category. All these women are now saying that they have never heard that and it's always aimed at the wife not the mistress . I hear it all the time coming from other women .

Answer 3

Any woman who stays in a relationship with a married man must have a low self esteem. If she had any real pride, she would have kicked him to the curb. Is she innocent in this relationship? Heck no! Also consider that many of these 'married men' have made many false promises to the other woman, tell them massive lies to keep them hanging on to a false hope. Lots of foolish people out there, who believe what they are told. Poor guy, his wife is a witch, she never has sex with him, he stays for the kids, he is only happy when he steals moments to be with her, he just can't get out of the marriage right now, he loves her, not his wife, etc. etc. etc....!

I've come to realize that there are a lot of lonely, pathetic women. They don't realize that they deserve better than sitting around waiting for their married man to make time for them on the side.

NO ONE should live like this. It's a horrible choice and so often, self destructive. She is not 'innocent' if she knows the man is married, she is wrong to be partner in destroying a family. So many people get hurt, and so often, it is the other woman who ends up finding out that this married man, who promised her so much dumps her when his wife finds out. Or, she has to deal with his family blaming HER for this man's affair, like he didn't have anything to do with it.

I've read on a few 'the other woman' boards in the past, trying to figure out why they make this choice. Just as in the marriage infidelity recovery support boards, there is so much pain.

Any woman deserves to have a better life than living in the shadow of a man's marriage. She is not innocent in making that choice. Any woman (or man) deserves to have someone who loves them, is committed to them and places them FIRST.

Telling someone they deserve better is not the same as telling them they are 'innocent'.

The other woman deserves better, the spouse and family deserve better. A wayward spouse who is having an affair is making a self indulgent choice that will bring pain to so many.
That includes the other woman. If they are unhappy, then either get help and heal the marriage or get out before you drag a third person into the mess.

The karma bus may come around someday, hopefully, that person will be making better choices and learn from horrible mistakes.

Answer 4

The women didn't make vows to remain faithful to the wife. She's not equal in guilt. The same would apply to men who got with married women.

Although the whole 'deserves better' thing stems from the idea that no woman would ever have sex without feelings of like/love for the man she is with. Apparently it's never just physical for women and it's always physical for men. This is why when a man gets with a married woman we don't say this. Yes, it's bunk, but that's the stereotypes we face everyday isn't it?

Answer 5

Most women get involved with married men because they like the stability that he shows. Being married and usually a Father, he has shown and taken some responsibility. Women like that in a man. Married women usually go for a married guy because he shows them interest that their husbands no longer do. It is looked at by society that the "married man" seduced the woman. Unfortunately, that is the way people think. Same with the married women that cheat, it always seems to be the fault of the married person, because people see them as more responsible.

Answer 6

It seems clear to me that you have been talking with the wrong people. When a husband cheats, I say the girlfriend and the husband deserve each other! The wife is the injured party here.

Cheating isn't the way to go! Desrespectful. The husband should at least have respect enough for the person he married to get a divorce.

Answer 7

I don't think a woman who gets involved with a married man deserves better simply because she put herself in that situation and if she doesn't think she deserves better, then she must not. But on the other hand I also don't think she is as wrong as the man. The man should be the one who cares enough about his wife not to cheat on her or at least get a divorce before he does, if the relationship is dead. I always see women getting mad at the "other woman" when they should be mad at their man.

Answer 8

If a woman willingly allows herself to become involved with a married man, she is as big a cheat as he is, maybe more so. I say this because if she is single she has a greater pool from which to choose a companion. The married man on the other hand has a much smaller selection as half of his selection of potentials have been eliminated by (1) those who will screw around with another woman's husband and (2) those who will not.

Shame on both of them as they are both committing adultery. No one is the victim here except the man's poor wife and family.

Answer 9

Actually, i always heard that the she would be referred to as "the other woman", which of course society labels a sl*t.

I dont think that the other woman involved is looked at as innocent at all.

U r right - both parties are equally guilty of wrongdoing, since they both knew that it was wrong.

The only time that one of the parties could b considered innocent is if the other lied and said that they were single. And being separated and starting up a sexual relationship with someone else is still wrong. Talk about having your cake and ...

Answer 10

If you don't mind being with a cheater? The fact is you have no bond or trust with anyone and are single- it is your choice to have bgoundries though. If you have none then you are just begging for getting what is coming to you later. What goes around- does come around.
It is the fact that you are putting this question out there that proves you know you are in the wrong according to your own values. Maybe try an exercize of imagining you are his wife- but he is with her behind your back. Or better yet-
Tell this guy to grow up, get divorced and then call you if you still thinks anything of you.

Answer 11

Even when you do somethig dumb to yourself, you deserve better than what you dished up. Doesn't mean you didn't see it coming or that you weren't totally the blame for what happened. We are all responsible for the stupid choices that we make, but that doesn't mean we don't deserve better. When I have said a woman who dates a married man deserves better, what I mean is that she has carved out a place for herself where she will always be second best. She has selected a place where she has no rights and can be dropped like a hot biscuit whenever he's done using her up. So sure, she deserves better than that, but she won't get better unless she straightens up and starts making better choices for herself.