He doesn't know how to talk to me anymore. We always had good communication and now he is just mean. He yells at me for the stupidest things. When he gets angry he throws things. I love him but the way he treats me sometimes really hurts. I tell him I will not take the way he talks to me but that just gets him even more mean. I don't understand what I could have done to deserve this. Even this afternoon, I took a bottle of soda from the cabinet to put in the refridgerator, he starts screaming at me telling me I am blind and stupid because I didn not see a bottle already there. He got nasty again when I finished vacuming a room, I moved the vacuum to the next room and he screamed when it was in his way. Are these reasons to treat someone so bad? We live together and it is making me very depressed. Is there a way to work it out?
2007-09-16 11:24:52 · 25 answers · asked by Yisrael Chai 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Thankfully you were smart enough to live with him first. This has saved you a world of problems down the road.
He is not going to change, if anything, he is going to get worse. You need to cut your losses and move out, and move on. Sorry it didn't work out. But on the bright side, when you meet Mr Right, it will seem so much sweeter after this.
2007-09-16 11:29:04 · answer #1 · answered by ZCT 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is a big red flag for you, just remember you don't deserve to be treated this way, especially when the things he bitches about are minor and simple and what ever you are doing isn't wrong! You need to get away from putting yourself in this situation. I know you live with him now, but if he is already treating you with disrespect and doesn't appreciate what you do, then tell him how you feel and if it don't stop that your relationship will not work. I know you probably love him but love yourself more and it will get you the real happiness you deserve. you deserve to be treated how you would want to be treated and if he don't meet your needs, remember there are other fish in the sea who WILL!!! they will put you on a pedistal and you will see the difference and then you will be truly happy. Good luck with him but don't let it get to where you are always thinking about him and ignoring what you truly feel inside and get dependent on him to have a life, otherwise you will have a harder time trying to move on..
2007-09-16 18:35:27 · answer #2 · answered by jojo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Write down everything that you can think of that you want to say to him and how he must change his ways. Setup up a date with him, somewhere public but where you have enough privacy to talk about these things. Let him know this is his last chance, and you've had enough and if he wants to continue the relationship then he better keep quiet and listen. Get everything out that you want to say to him, tell him that you don't want any answers now. Give him the letter and go stay at a friends for a couple of days, meet him after that to get his repsonse and see what he has to say for himself. If you must then break it off with him, it sounds like he's being totally unreasonable.
2007-09-16 18:35:23 · answer #3 · answered by JamieJ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seriously, I think you need to talk to him about it - ask him why he's so upset lately. Nothing in your description says you've asked him and he refuses to answer, so you should try. Also, how long as this been going on, and how far away is the wedding? He might be getting nervous about the commitment part - even if you love someone, forever is a long time. But if he won't talk, and won't go to counseling, you need to seriously think about whether you want to live like this for the rest of your life. Or even part of it. What if he cycles between nice and mean over and over after you're married? Or treats any children this way? And BTW, you are taking it - each time he does it you stay for more. So he's learning you aren't serious about it having any consequences.
2007-09-16 18:30:31 · answer #4 · answered by ssmesq 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't know where to begin, so I'll just be frank: get out of this relationship NOW! I don't care if you say "but I love him"...ask yourself why? Why do you love him? You may have loved the way he USED to be, but time has a way of showing someone's true personality and it looks like he is now revealing who he really is. I am concerned about your safety, both physically and mentally. There is absolutely NO reason to treat a person as badly as he is treating you. He needs professional help that you can't give him...please get out now and make sure you have friends with you when you move out so that you aren't alone with him. Life truly is wonderful but you're missing out because of this bad relationship.
2007-09-16 18:36:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is really aggressive, and if you tell him anything he will just get more and more mad. My boyfriend was like this for a while too, then I wrote a letter in which I described exactly how his behavior makes me feel, and he got it. So my advice is to write it all down and let him read it while youre not around. like this if he gets mad he has time to just chill out a little bit and calm down before he talks to you.
And one more thing, sometimes it is useful to put these kind of people on their place, like when my bf gets really mad he cant controll what he's saying and couple of days ago he was yelling at me at the top of his voice and I got up, and in calm but loud and clear voice said to him "Who gave you the right to talk to me in this tone? Who do you think you are? If you ever talk to me like this again I will walk out and you will never see me again". It really got to him and he stopped screaming immediately and was sorry till the end of the day. So sometimes you have to show him that you will not accept this kind of treatment.
2007-09-16 18:34:49 · answer #6 · answered by Valerie_P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like something else is bothering him, since he wasn't like this before right?
Try to have a conversation with him, and tell him that you just want to talk and that you don't want any yelling, say you've noticed a change in his behavior, and want to know if anything has been bothering him, and if so he can talk to you.
See what he says, but if it doesn't get better, at least you tried, and you can move on, you don't want to be dealing with that for the rest of your life.
Good luck
2007-09-16 18:34:13 · answer #7 · answered by Chey_18 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no there is not a way to work things out. he needs to seek some professional help for his anger problem and you need to seek help as to why you would allow someone to treat you like this. him treating you like this is not normal. if he cant treat you with love and respect than you must not accept nothing less. stop trying to change him. YOU CANT. he is his own person. and you have to decide whether you are deserving of this from him. never accept nothing less than the best from the man that you love. he cant possibly love you if he is being mean, rude and disrespectful. GodBless
2007-09-16 18:31:25 · answer #8 · answered by Crystal G 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, you could go to counseling together. If he refuses, rethink your position on having a permanent relationship with him, because it's only going to get worse after you get married. If he's not willing to change, your marriage will suffer from the get go. I don't know if he's dealing with some problems outside of your relationship, but that's no way to treat somebody who you say you love. Remember, this is how he is going to deal with life and your future marriage if he doesn't get help. Are you willing to take that year after year? And, it has the possibility of escalating.
2007-09-16 18:32:15 · answer #9 · answered by lordmisrule2004 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I was in an abusive relationship for 15 years and it started out like the one you have and got worse. You son't treat someone like that no matter what they have done to you. Love should not have to hurt like that. You need to pack your **** when he is not around and leave. he will hit you trust me on that. This is only the beining of it. Trust me you can find someone else that will treat you the way that you need.
2007-09-16 18:37:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋