My soon-to-be MIL is insisting on helping me plan my wedding when me nor my fiance want her to help. She's actually trying to convince me to wear a wedding dress that I hate! It's big and white and very poofy and it'd make me look like a little kid and then she wants my hair in to buns aganist my head one on each side and have them braided and then have a long fancy veil. It'll look like I'm playing dressup. And she wants the MOH, bridesmaids, junior bridemaids and flower girls to wear theese dresses that are the same style as the dress she wants me to wear but pink. She wants their hair to be in pig-tails.
How can we tell her that we hate the dress ideas and we hate how controlling she's being. We tried telling her and she gushed "Oh Taylor your going to look so cute." and then pinched my cheeks. HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!
2007-09-16 10:51:57 · 16 answers · asked by Jasmine 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
The only thing she is paying for in the wedding is the ice sculptre which I like.
2007-09-16 11:07:23 · update #1
She's big on poofy stuff and loves to treat me and my fiance like babies.
2007-09-16 11:10:08 · update #2
Whoa, I hope you're kidding! Sounds like your MIL is quite a handful. You'll probably need to be firm (but kind) with her and tell her that the things she is suggesting just isn't what you had envisioned for YOUR wedding. Or that her dress and hair suggestions just don't fit in with your personal style. I mean, pigtails...come on! Best to let her know now that you have your own ideas and plans, than to suffer in silence and be miserable. Good luck!
2007-09-16 11:03:21 · answer #1 · answered by theMrs. 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try to remember that her son is getting married so she has an interest in what goes on. That doesn't mean she can control everything but she wants to feel part of it.
You don't have to take her advice on clothing but perhaps there IS something you could have her help with so she doesn't feel left out. Weddings are big deals for parents so find a way for her to participate and she won't seem like as much a pain in the butt.
2007-09-16 19:02:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your fiance needs to sit her down and lay down the law. You both need to stop enabling her to act this way, though. I know you probably have tried to go along with her a little to keep from hurting her feelings, but that time is past. Say it nicely, firmly. Let her know you really want her to be involved in all the fun stuff with the wedding, but that ultimately the decsions are yours. Maybe give her specific things to be in charge of. Let her help make the favors with you or something.
If she gets her feelings hurt even after you've been nice, there is nothing you can do about it. She probably just wants to be included and got carried away.
2007-09-17 11:44:49 · answer #3 · answered by valschmal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it's very irritating but be gentle with her. She doesn't realize that she is overstepping her boundaries. Her intentions are to make your wedding day the best it can be. When you've chosen the dresses you like, be gracious and say, "Thank you so much for helping me choose dresses. These are the ones I've decided upon." In end, you are going to get what you want for the wedding. So just take a deep breath and relax.
2007-09-16 19:15:33 · answer #4 · answered by Jasmine808 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really feel for you, although my MIL to be is not this controlling she annoy's me with other things like why can't this person be invited and don't put this person on that table, etc...
This is easier overcome than your situation. I suggest that without being a *****, you and your hubby-to-be should sit her down and tell her to back off, do it ASAP so that she's over it by the wedding.
It really does need to be sorted otherwise imagine what she will be like when you have kids, so sort her out now!!!
2007-09-17 00:53:41 · answer #5 · answered by christy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is your and your fiance's wedding. You both should have the say, but let her know that you appreciate her advice and will take whatever it is into consideration, but that you and he will be making the final decisions. Say it with respect, and be gentle. Stick to it, and let her know that she is important to you both, and that you know she will support what decisions you and your fiance' will be making together. (and smile nicely when you say that, sincerely) Good luck, and I hope everything turns out well. Sometimes mothers and mother in laws to be, get caught up in their childrens weddings. They may mean well, or perhaps they are just wanting to be involved because they didn't have the wedding of their dreams. Whatever the issue, just be happy, and don't start out on the wrong foot with your mother in law to be.
2007-09-16 19:31:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
When she says "I love this dress" say "I appreciate the thought and the ______ is nice but I am going to wear X dress"....apply to any other situations that may crop up. You are dealing with this woman for many years to come so now is a perfect time to find your backbone. Just when you do make sure you approach it from a pretty positive way. Saying "your ideas suck and you are a controlling freak" is not going to help improve your relationship.
The exception is if she's paying. If she's buying the dress it sucks but it's her right to say "I will only buy the poofy dress"
2007-09-16 18:00:40 · answer #7 · answered by pspoptart 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Stand up for what you want firmly but respectlfully. It is your wedding afer all and not hers.
Also, something to keep in mind, this will establish your relatonship with her from hereon. So do treat with care and always with respect.
If his parents are paying for a part of the wedding (like the rehearsal dinner maybe), then you can tell her to plan that to her heart's content.
2007-09-16 19:16:27 · answer #8 · answered by akipooh 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
either you are joking with us, or she is joking with you, or she just didn't have any dolls to play with growing up! this is a very common problem with in-laws. both sides try to suggest things or tell you how things should be. i am having a problem with my mom and the wedding is a year away and i really haven't started planning, but she has! all i am doing with her is being patient and saying, yeah maybe mom, i'll think about it. but of course if i don't like it i will do what i want, we are paying for it all ourselves.
2007-09-16 23:23:43 · answer #9 · answered by nytengayle13 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
try and be as polite as you can.. (cause she's going to be your family soon)
the best thing you can do is.. just say as you don't really like her ideas.. and you appreciate herhelp.. but you have a good idea about the stuff you want.. and ask for her to help you in another way.,. (like finding addresses for her side of the family)
2007-09-17 07:33:24 · answer #10 · answered by steph 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋