My cousins daughter has had a baby and she shows no intrest in the beautiful little girl, and now she is going to have another one. My cousin had mentioned that she wants to give the baby up for adoption but she wants it to be in the family, my husband and I have been trying to have a baby and no luck yet, would it be a good idea to adopt the baby? we don't mind having her see the baby... Help..
2007-09-16 09:51:52 · 12 answers · asked by gesmith86 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adoption
This can go either way, depending upon your cousin and her daughter's feelings and the relationship between all of you. In-family adoptions can be wonderful, but can cause problems, too. The most obvious possible problem that may arise is that your cousin's daughter (your cousin once removed) may at some point have a change of heart and want to fully be the child's mother again. You need to be prepared for the possibility and decide ahead of time what to do about it. Another problem may be that, even if she doesn't want to take over the Mom "position", she - or even your cousin - may try to tell you how you should take care of the child. Once again, be prepared and figure out how to handle it, hopefully without breaking the relationship apart.
If you decide to adopt your cousin once removed's baby, make sure that you do it legally, via lawyers and the court system (including trying to make sure the birth father is informed and has given his permission). Figure out what role your cousins will have in the child's life, and what you will all tell the child once s/he is old enough to understand. And DO NOT hide things from the child. If you treat the child with love, the child will love you and love him or herself. Love and caring are the most important things you can provide, and honesty is the next most important.
2007-09-16 10:43:47 · answer #1 · answered by ilenerm 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In my experience of knowing about approximately 5 or so family adoptions, they do not work out well. The mother of the child feels very hurt seeing the adoptive parents with the child and starts to resent them. The adoptive parents get possessive and start avoiding the mother. Then the family starts choosing sides. As the child reaches teenage years, they get very confused. In four of the five cases that I know about the adoptive parents got the short end of the stick when the teenage child asked to live with the mother.
I am not saying not to consider it. But I don't think that it can be successful without some serious, long-term counseling. The emotions are very intense and need third party management.
2007-09-16 14:35:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
In family adoptions can be good or bad. A lot of it depends on the people involved. Would your cousin respect you and your husband as the baby's parents? would she respect the amount and times of visitation? Also would the baby know she was the birth monther and if so at what age and who would tell the child? All these things need to be worked out in advance.
Good Luck
mindi
2007-09-16 15:07:04 · answer #3 · answered by Willow 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It probably would be a fine idea to adopt the baby. There is the chance that some unexpected things could arise as a result of her being a family member.
I'm an adopted mother and wrote a piece on Associated Content about concerns about open adoption. Maybe you'd like to look at it. I'm not saying my opinion is necessarily correct, but it is a different side than is often offered these days.
If you were to go to the link and scroll to the "Open Adoption" article that's it. (My computer, for some reason, isn't showing the address I'm at, so I can't include the exact link. )
http://www.associatedcontent.com/user/52831/lisa_hunt_warren.html
2007-09-18 20:56:58 · answer #4 · answered by WhiteLilac1 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I say talk to the parents about it, and here's why. My step daughter started calling me mom. She was about 6 at the time and staying with us quite a bit. The first time I said nothing because it might have been a slip. When it was clear that it was not a slip, I told her that she did not have to call me that if she wasn't comfortable with it. She continued to call me mom and I left it alone. My husband was aware, and had no problem with it. One day on the rare occasion that her mother and I were in the same place at the same time, my step daughter called out mom and we both answered. That was the beginning of world war three, and the end of us seeing so much of his daughter. I had been accused of forcing her to call me that, and nothing we said would change her mothers mind. She insisted that her daughter would NEVER do that of her own free will. To this day, the issues of that situation have been an elephant in the room between us. I tried to explain that her daughter just wanted to fit in with the rest of the kids. I have two of my own and at the time had a ton of their friends calling me mom, none of which I forced. It was just a phase for the boys, since they were here so often. Your situation is different, and you will be wise to keep the child informed that they do have another mother and father, but if this child wants to feel like one of the family then I say let them. It is important enough "to them" to make the effort. Good Luck.
2016-05-21 02:38:44 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It still has to be done legally. Get a family lawyer to draw up the papers and have her AND the father sign them. The father HAS to sign away his rights also. There have been cases where the mom failed to inform the dads that they were pregnant and adopted the baby out and they were able to fight successfully to rescind the adoption.
2007-09-16 09:58:07 · answer #6 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are going to do this, make sure that you do everything through an attorney. I have heard stories about these situations where the birth mom sees the baby grow, and realizes that they want the child back after all of the hard work is done.
2007-09-18 11:43:40 · answer #7 · answered by LC 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
sure keeping her in the family would be great i was adopted by great uncle and aunt. but they didnt' give me anythign to tell me just i was adopted etc. then years later i found out which was good for me but they were old fashioned and took it hard when i did find out i wish they had been settled with it but they weren't take care.
2007-09-19 14:21:19 · answer #8 · answered by Tsunami 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its an amazing idea, but it may be hard for her to see someone else raising her child, but it may be better for the baby. Good luck!!
2007-09-16 13:52:11 · answer #9 · answered by ~Blonde~ 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, that would be a great idea! That way the child can still see her birth mother, but he/she would have great parents that care about her. I think that is an awesome idea. =)
2007-09-17 17:22:08 · answer #10 · answered by Lea 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋