I was in my front yard with some of my friends who just walked over to visit and we were all chatting. My neighbor, who is black, came outside and we all greeted him in a very friendly fashion.
The people next door to me are REALLY good neighbors and I like them A LOT! I met them before anyone else.
Well, my friends started talking politics and saying that Obama was an N-word and weird things like "whites would become slaves" And they were talking very loudly.
I was shocked!
I couldn't figure out what made Obama a Ni**er??
I don't know much about him, but I have a feeling that he's not a trashy person.
The subject changed quickly and I was never able to think of anything proper to say.
I look over at my neighbor's yard and he's outside. There's no way he couldn't have heard them. I was really embarrassed!!
ESPECIALLY since everyone was so friendly to him right before!
I don't want him to have the impression that I'm a racist because of the things they said...
2007-09-16 09:49:24 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I just can't think of WHY they would say Obama is an N-word!!
I had no idea they felt this way... but they have black friends too so they can't be racist I guess.... I don't get it!
But I was really embarrassed because to me it sounded really strange to call Obama that.
And then my good neighbor is bent down looking at his truck the entire time they are saying all this weird stuff.
And I mean it was some WEIRD stuff. They are both adults far older than I am... so I don't think I should lecture them on it... but I don't want my neighbor to think I have that same attitude...
I haven't been there that long so I don't know everyone that well, but I don't want to have a bad reputation and give people the wrong impression.
Is there something I should do? Or should I just not do anything differently? Its kind of hard to act normal when I feel so embarrassed!
2007-09-16 09:54:41 · update #1
I haven't known them for very long. They've been very nice to me and have helped me out a lot... but yes it did send up some red flags!!
2007-09-16 10:51:05 · update #2
The one thing you should not do is apologize for your friends. You might just want to causally mention that you do not share your friends opinions and that you like to think for yourself. That should be enough said. (Everyone knows what it is like when a bunch of white folks get together...)
2007-09-16 10:20:20 · answer #1 · answered by tsalagi_star 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As one girl already said, if you think your neighbor heard what your friend said, apologize for your friend's behavior next time you see him.
As far as your friend goes, if you really want to know why he said what he said, then ask him. BTW.. just because he has black friends does not mean he is not a racist. You do not have to be a member of the Aryan Nation or the KKK to be racist. I have heard so many people spout off racist comments and when confronted state, "some of my best friends are black."
If you decide to continue hanging out with this person, the next time he starts with calling Obama, or anyone, the N word, interrupt him and say, "I don't appreciate that sort of talk and if you are going to be at my house I would appreciate it if you stop it."
2007-09-16 17:06:42 · answer #2 · answered by MELISSA B 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would not want to hang around people who talked like that. They are not people I would want to be associated with. Your neighbor might think that these are your beliefs if you didn't say anything. Would you be able to talk to your neighbor about what happened? I'm sure he heard what was said too. Apologize for not taking a stand at the time of the incident.
2007-09-16 17:46:58 · answer #3 · answered by Simmi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It would be polite to apologize to your friend on behalf of the people who made those remarks. You don't need to apologize for your own behavior, UNLESS...
You have them over again. If you have people who are racists over, it means you are willing to be friends with racists. It also subjects him to the knowledge that racists are not only in his community, but right next door at the invitation of someone he considers a friend.
Why did they call Obama a racial slur? Because he's black. They reduced him to a color, and a pejorative word for that color. That's what racism is. They ALSO did it to let YOU know how they feel. They made it very clear, and by not speaking up right then, you conveyed to them your weakness on the issue. They put it out there, and you let it slide.
If a person is a trashy person, that's what you call them. You don't call them racial, religious or gender-based slurs. They were being racists, especially in their comments regarding "white slaves". You didn't stand up for your other friend, even though you were the person who should have. What should you do now? Well, you have morals and ethics. Determine where they would have you be, and then get yourself to that position. I'll bet your neighbor would never have treated any other friends you have like that, so apparently the friends you have as guests don't respect you very much, either.
***One more thing.
It's perfectly acceptable to form opinions based on who a person's friends are! Friends are supposed to be the people we respect, admire, care deeply for, want to spend time with, and value. Let's say I meet a woman hanging out with friends who happen to be both racist and profoundly rude. I then know that this woman's ethical and moral standards don't make racism repugnant enough to refuse to associate with those who practice it. That's not a person I want to be friends with myself, because I want friends who have ethics and actually apply them. Maintaining friendships with bigoted and cruel people isn't a sign of great character to me.
2007-09-16 17:19:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Uhhh, it my be just a little bit hypocritical if your black next-door neighbor profiles you because of what other people said. You didn't say it. You didn't agree with it. Your nice to them, so you say. Then what is there to be ashamed of?
I know where your coming from. You don't want him to think that you are racist like your peers, but say it through your actions if you can avoid saying it through your words. And some might say, "Oh, well you need to just not hang out with those people because they are racist." Not true. Some racists don't know any better, some are doing it out of hate or fun, and others aren't racist at all and just say the wrong things. Besides, your friends have the right to believe whatever they want. You can hang out with them, just don't fall under their influence. And if this small situtation is bothering you this much, then you are obviously very far from being racist yourself, no matter the people you associate yourself with.
2007-09-16 17:05:03 · answer #5 · answered by Kaleb B 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Your friends have shown their true colours,i.e., they ARE racist.
I suggest you have a talk with your neighbour about what he overheard, that you do not agree with them and had no idea they were racist.
Regarding your continued relationship with your friends, now that you know how they really think, do you want to continue to consider them your friends?
A little something to think about.
2007-09-16 17:25:25 · answer #6 · answered by Pacifica 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just go over to him and explain that their views aren't yours and that you're sorry. You don't HAVE to apologize to him since you did nothing wrong but it will probably make you feel better about the whole thing.
After that, ditch those "friends." They sound like idiots anyway.
2007-09-16 16:56:00 · answer #7 · answered by SMS 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
they ruined your image in the sense that now they must think you are a racist and stuff. it really sucks... but try apologizing on their behalf for their inappropriate behavior. but yea thats embarrassing
2007-09-16 17:07:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be the "bigger" person and apologize to him for what was said when you see him... Let him know that's not how you feel nor would you say things such as that.
2007-09-16 16:57:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
get bettter friends, dont hang out with people like tht or talk to them
2007-09-16 16:54:14 · answer #10 · answered by Ned 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋