how to overcome mental fear of marriage?

Question

I think society with a mixture of personal views have left me mentally a bit lost!

I fear marriage because i fear eventually i will want a divorce because i am a quitter and would happily walk out when the going gets tough. I fear divorce because i'm watching men around me have their lives torn apart...financially! To work for so much by yourself and then get screwed over, i heard one comedian call it "expensive prostitution"

Then people always say, well you dont have to get married you can be a partnership whatever, but i personally believe when i do have kids i want to be married, and if i said to my girl, i dont want to be married (because of the reasons above) that hardly shows i love her. Kind of undermines her etc etc. I have hurt my girl before and walked out (more than once) maybe that has an effect on me thinking well if i get married i might walk out again. But i keep going back because i love this person.

Only this situation hasnt just occured with this one person.

The thing is i want a big family, i've just never achieved anything therefore dont think i can.

Maybe this isnt the girl for me, but if it wasnt why do i keep running back. I went through a bad spell of walking out once when the rest of my life was a mess, but the past 3 months i've only done it once and threatened/felt like walking away 1 other time.

As for the person who said i'm a schmuck. I dont know what this means, but i heard it said on curb your enthusiasm and its not pleasant, maybe i am one, but the unlucky woman of my life thinks its down to stress, mood swings, low self esteem and depression, so who knows if i'm a bad guy or just a lost one.

And finally i'd love to be in a tight nit church community but i cannot say this is present in my area, of course it is probably possible and although i believe in God and have the up most respect for my religion and heritage i left going to church 10 years ago due to boredom and reptitiveness.

Answer 1

I' don't believe that you're emotionally stable enough to be married and definately NOT to be a parent. The fear you feels is honesty. Embrace it and have respect for it. As you know, marriage and parenthood requires stability. I respect the fact that you at least acknowledge your own instability. However, if you turn around and get married or have children (knowing who you really are on the inside), then you'll just be deceiving yourself and the woman and it WILL end up costing you. It is in your best interest to always be as honest as you can be with the women in your life. That means coming right out and stating, that you can't be married because you have a history of walking out on your responsibilities, so "be forewarned." If a woman is willing to accept you the way you are, you can live a guilt free life. However, if you have to lie and deceive someone just to be with them, then you deserve to be taken to the cleaners financially in the future.

Answer 2

Get right with your personal walk with God. This straightens out the whole life, your values put Christ at the top of the list. Listen to Joyce Meyers program, I agree with you marriage with out your priorites straight and knowing your a smuck, hey I'd never approach it. It sounds like growing up is off in your future, but your starting to see the light. Make some more progress fellow toward your maturity----if you want to be the head of a family and father and husband. Join a church and talk with the men there, honestly (they were young once too.) Fellowship, worship, and praise are great beginging steps for a guy that wants to do it right. Then remember to look for a woman with similar values that will compliment the life you want. Hint: (she will be a christian)

Answer 3

Just think and imagine the good things and memories taht come out of a marriage...ur own kids, family gathering, doing somethings with the wife(im sorry if this is a woman)

Answer 4

Marriage is not for everyone. At least you realize your limitations. Perhaps it is better that you dont have children, then you will be free to conduct your relationships as you like.
*Your pattern of behaviour is unlikely to change without therapy at your own initiative. And to change your behaviour, you would also need to fully realize that your views on relationships are causing you act in similar ways. If you dont believe in the relationship first, it is doomed for failure.

Answer 5

i thought i had a fear of marriage. i realise now that it was just because i was with the wrong person. maybe that is also the case for you