they do not have their fathers in their life. live w/ me. they always say im mean, they hate me, don't love them and that i don't love them. i do! i tell and show them how much everyday.they have everything they need. im at my wits end.what do i do
2007-09-16 05:56:53 · 20 answers · asked by whitechick_77 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Maybe try and take them to counsiling with you.
2007-09-16 06:00:18 · answer #1 · answered by -No Surprise 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, do not beat their a**. That is not the answer. I have the same problems with my four year old and it is hard but try to be calm and have them sit and talk with you. Explain how hard it is for everyone around them, including themselves when they are not behaving. I think the key is always being calm and communicate with them and structure because they count on you to have structure around them, wake up, eat, watch tv or get ready to leave, but mostly the lax time make sure that they do the same things at around the same times. If you have to discipline, try making them sit for a determined amount of time or separate them to different rooms for a while, or take a certain toy for awhile til they behave like you have explained. If this doesn't work for you then look up some help on the internet. Sometimes we go through a time in our kids lives where they are just out of control. The best thing you can do is just keep trying and don't give up because you can't let a 4 and 6 year old defeat you, you are in control and they must do as you say. Just keep telling yourself that.
Good Luck!
2007-09-16 13:13:08 · answer #2 · answered by julia b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good for you for writing this and realizing that it can become an even larger problem in 10 years if you do not take control now. Are there some father figures in your family? Like an uncle or grandfather you could speak with and ask for help? Are there any parenting classes at your nearby community center? What you write that they say is quite serious and needs to be addresssed. Since I do not know all the details which provoked them to ssay those things, it is better you get advice from some sort of experts. You are a good mother and do want to do the right thing, so please keep trying and all will be well. It is a huge job!!!
2007-09-16 13:02:54 · answer #3 · answered by barthebear 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They sound as if they have some serious problems. The first thing you need to do is stop falling for their emotional blackmail. Set up a system and stick to it like glue. If they dont listen or are being bad they each get a time out. 1 minute per year of age, so 4 and 6 minutes. You count to three and they have untill you get to three to do what you say or they go in time out. Three time out uin a hour and they should get 20-30 minutes on their bed with no t.v. or toys. They need to be on a schedule. The things they say like you dont love me and I hate you are for attention. They know it gets your attntion and makes you go from discipline to aw baby of course I love you mode. Be strict but give rewqards and praise fro good behavior. Tell them when they make you proud. Give them chores and reward them with a allowance. Let them earn outings and such. I know exactly what you are going through if it helps you take my advice any better. I have two severely emotionaly disturbed boys. They are 6 and 7. Feel free to email me for more if your interested in more help. kym_21@hotmail.com
2007-09-16 13:06:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a tough situation; they are acting out over not having their fathers -- I'm guessing their lives have been disrupted more than once.
Plus there's the fact that all children go through "I don't need you! I want to do what I want, and if you won't let me you're mean and I hate you."
Try not to take it personally. That's giving them way too much power over you.
Just keep being the mom; don't let them get away with misbehavior; don't spoil them.
Allow them to express their feelings (don't punish them for what they feel, only for misbehaving).
And try not to take it so much to heart. Over time they'll sort out their feelings, and realize that you're the one who's always been there for them.
They're testing you. Show them you are in charge.
2007-09-16 13:56:35 · answer #5 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im a mom single mom to and sometime kids r very rebelious towards the mom when dad is not there and even when u try to give them ur all there that missing link in there life and u have to take the time out to talk to them and u should always make sure ur kids have respect for u when my kids get out of hand they get the correct discpline to put them back on track u have to put ur foot down or kids will find a way to get over everytime u made them and ur rasing them u have to show them whos the boss and that u will not take there mess at all i wish u the best of luck with ur lil ones and if that does not help seek medical attention therapy or futher good luck
2007-09-16 13:30:56 · answer #6 · answered by SHARIKA F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try picking up the book "Creative Correction" by Lisa Welchel.
((Amazon, Barnes and Noble)) It sounds like there's alot of different issues you're dealing with and I don't think there's just one answer that will do the trick. Try reading parenting books to get new ideas from professionals. And you can always call a local church for help.
2007-09-16 13:05:31 · answer #7 · answered by micjamms 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be consistant with the punishment you give for the bad behavior. Do not react when the hateful things come out of their mouths, just calmly explain that is not the way for them to act and then give them the appropreate punishment.
2007-09-16 13:03:38 · answer #8 · answered by WVPV07 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Who's in charge here? Who's the grownup? There was none of this in my house; we would have been killed. Time to exercise some discipline...and stick to your guns. Give them time outs, in their rooms or in a chair in the corner and make them stay there until they are ready to behave. They are playing you because they know which buttons to press to gain your sympathy and they get away with murder. Stop it now or you will have two monsters on your hands when they get older...use discipline and be consistent...always.
2007-09-16 13:03:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Start by showing them some respect but be firm with them. Don't shout at them, or smack them, but say what you mean and follow through. Have a daily routine of meals, play times, school time etc. Don't let them run things, you are the mum! Take charge or you will regret it later.
2007-09-16 13:00:59 · answer #10 · answered by Caroline 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
They lack discipline! It may sound funny and very cliche- but this is no joke. These are your children, not your peers or your friends. They should treat you with more respect and heed to your authority. Are you familiar with the Bible? God disciplines those whom he loves. We are to do the same. Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction will drive it far from him. Have you ever disciplined your child out of spite? Of course not! You disciplined them out of love! So why allow a lack of discipline? Discipline, when done correctly, will not only improve your children's behavior, but also let them know you love them.
2007-09-16 13:08:32 · answer #11 · answered by standup149 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋