What if you Hate your mother?

Question

What if you hate your mother because she forced you to have an abortion which ruined your life. My mom told me I "better get rid of it" and "I am not going to help you" when I got pregnant. After that I flunked out of college and became really depressed, now all I do is smoke and drink and whenever I think about my little kid I want to or do cry and become filled with rage toward my mother. How can I ease the pain and began to live a healthier/ happier life?

Answer 1

You need to talk to someone who can help you get rid of the anger, and hatred.

Answer 2

First of all, what you are saying very immature and your mom must have been right telling you to get an abortion, even I personally don't really feel it's okay to get an abortion.
Think about the situation right now and think about what if situation once again. If you were a mother of the baby, you would most likely be blaming on your poor kid for sacrificing your youth while other same generations were having the life of their time. That would have been such a disaster!!!!! Your mother must have known who you are very well.
I don't know how old you are but stop blaming on your mother whatever she said to you when you were pregnant.
To be happier, you have to apologize to your mother for blaming on her and admit your weakness for letting it happen(either not letting the guy put condom, getting pregnant or getting an abortion), then you can finally move on.
Be responsible whatever you do and grow up.

Answer 3

Hello Sweet 1,

Ultimately forgiveness is the answer. BUT you can't do that until you're been though all the feelings of grief...yes you are grieving...(You are grieving the loss of the child, the pregnancy, what that child could have been, your lost innocence, that your mom wasn't there for you, etc...)

To get through all this you have to go through all the phases ; 1) denial about your own part in it; 2) your huge anger...you're probably angry at her, God, the guy, yourself, society, the baby, your own Dad...(writing, drawing, talking it out until there is absolutely nothing left to say will help..get therapy if at all possible and work hard at getting through the pain)...eventually you may have to confront her with that happened....3) realize that you can't change what happened....4) depression and sadness...and finally 5)acceptance that that happened.

Perhaps ultimately, you will decide that this experience has made you more empathetic to others...will teach you what to do if it happens again and what not to say to your own daughter. Perhaps you'll use it to help other pregnant girls know there options and feel heard and supported. How would you change it if you could.

Try to realize that she is probably just a little girl in an adult body and didn't really know what to do in the situation.

In the meantime, try to be gentle with yourself. Cut back at tad on the self-destructive behavior (probably being used to both cope and punish yourself) and know that you've are a valuable woman who is on her journey of learning and become a fantastic woman.

Answer 4

Join the club. My shrink told me to pretend I was an orphan. Best wishes to you. Mine sat by and watched as her second husband taught me and my brothers about sex at 12 yrs old (boys were younger). Hit me when I told her make it stop. As a adult she said she had too many kids to worry about (he had 4 more).

I have tried to forgive her and she gets in my face about something or has a new husband #4 now. She keeps me far from her men like she fears it will happen again that her man will want me over her. It is pretty sad. I ignore her anymore. It is tough but the alternative pain is worse.

Try and move beyond it. Alcohol and all that will just sideline any potential you have to have another child and a relationship with a man that makes you happy. Time helps. Get stuck into school work join some clubs, a church, anything around people. Get outside and breathe. Staying in your head and anger will only waste years of your beautiful life. I did that too, it is too late to turn back the clock sometimes. As a young gal you have the choice to see your future not wallow in the past you can not change anyway. God bless.

Answer 5

I am sorry that you had such a horrible time. Your mom is not what I would consider helpful nor compassionate.
But that does not mean you allowed to give up on life or yourself. Your past never dictates your future. You had few choices and did what you thought was best. Now you are just digging a hole bigger than you are ever going to get out of. Clean up, get back in school and move forward. Take it one day at a time and always move forward, not back. Do for yourself and do it for the baby you lost. Make your life count for something, show your mother she will never break you or make you feel like a nobody. You have a future go seek it.

Answer 6

What is gone is gone, you have to forget about the tension in the past and focus on the future, get yourself together, go back into college, you can do it. Than go to lunch to somewhere nice with you mom and talk to her about it, let her know you regret having an abortion.

-But also understand I highly disagree with abortion but if you didn't have unprotected sex you wouldn't have this problem. Maybe she was looking out, honestly a child is alot of work, especially a single mother. With wanting to be an adult comes responsibilities. If you want sex than you have to come with the responsibility and knowledge that even with a condom and child birth control pills you can still become prenant.

Respect your mother she has more knowledge,you are still young and a bit ignorant. She raised you so she knows how much work it is to have a child. Get back up in your feet, resolve your problems with your mother by having a mature conversation.

Answer 7

First of all I am very sorry for the pain you are going through right now. Have you tried talking with your Mother about theses feelings you've been having? I can understand the pain and anger you are feeling. If she won't talk with you then have you thought about talking with a friend or maybe a Counselor or something? I think you need to get that hurt and anger out of you so you can move on with your life. Easier said then done I know, but seriously think about talking with a therapist or a pastor or something. I hope you feel better soon, no one deserves to be in this kind of pain.

Answer 8

Forgiveness is your key to a healthier and happier life. The past is past and there is nothing you can do about it. Don't let your hatred ruin your life. Get up and live a normal life again. There is always a bright future awaiting us so stop getting too desperate.Pick up the pieces and go.If you meet the right person in your life, then you will find that life is good after all.

Answer 9

I have to ask you...if you are in college, that means you are over the age of 18, right? So you did not need your Mother's permission to have this child - you didn't seek her permission while you were making the baby, did you?

Sounds to me as if her telling you that she was not going to become "mom version 2.0" for you and your child is what made you decide to go through with the abortion. Did she duct tape your hands and feet together and drag you, at gunpoint, to get the abortion?

You are misdirecting the rage you feel inside towards yourself at your Mom - and quite honestly, by doing so are showing that you are not responsible enough to accept responsibility for yourself yet.

Get help with accepting the facts - that you chose to have sex - that you were the one who got pregnant - that you were the one who decided after finding out that Mom wasn't going to raise your child to have an abortion - and that now, in order to try and make yourself feel better about your decision, you blame your Mom for mistakes and decisions that you made.

Answer 10

You need to talk with someone to help you, I have had to stop going around my mother(if you wanna call her that) she was making my life a living hell, she let lots of bad things happen to me when I was a young girl I forgave her but NEVER got over what she put me through and know that I am a mother I really realized how wrong she was, I prayed to god alot to give me strength to stay away from her, No you can't bring you;re baby back sweetie but you can start to live again, that's something you will never get over but I would say you need to stay away from you're (mother) it only brings back those hurt-full feelings. Good luck to you sweetie, PL-ease don't take you're self down more because of what you're (mother) did be a better person

Answer 11

Oh yeah, it's so easy to blame your mommy instead of the person who is at fault...YOU.

She didn't make you get an abortion, there was no gun to your head. She said I will not help you, so get rid of it. You could have moved out, kept the baby and found a way to support yourself, but you didn't. You chose your path and now you want to blame her.

You should be blaming yourself for getting pregnant in the first place, your mom didn't force you to have sex with a guy who didn't want to take responsibility by wearing a condom.

Your life sucks because you decided not to do your work in college. Your live sucks because you choose to live in the past dwelling on your bad decision and blaming your mom, instead of getting off your butt and doing what needs to be done.

You want to spend your life drunk, living on the street in your own little permanent pitty party, fine, do it. But put the blame where it belongs, on yourself, the only person in the world who could have changed things.