My dad has an anger problem?

Question

Okay, similar situations have occured before, but this is an example. My dad gets VERY angry, sometimes for absolutely no reason at all. I have soccer practice today, but since I'm not feeling well, I couldn't go. My mom was like, "okay sure, you don't have to go." But my dad was like, "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME BEFORE?!!!??" He cursed at me and hit me like four times on the back, and now it's all red. My back hurts like crazy. He had no reason to do that, did he? He also sometimes yells at mom for no reason. What should I do?
No, I can't talk to my school counselor---it just seems weird, and I don't feel comfortable.

I'm 16, by the way. I didn't think parents could hit their kids at that age.

But the thing is...he's not a bad person. He helps me a LOT.
And this doesn't happen TOO often, though.
So that's why I don't really know who to tell. I don't think it's bad enough that i should tell the police.

Answer 1

tell the police, its abuse.

Answer 2

When it's your family and you're living IN the situation, it's never easy, is it. When you love a parent and when it's good, it's really good, you feel stuck if things go bad because it's downright confusing. It sounds like he does need some anger management help, so I can almost guarantee that it's not the family directly making him feel this way. Life gets rather complicated the older you get, and all kinds of crap pops up from deep inside to where even the adult is like "wow, where did THAT come from." But that's not an excuse, it's a reason. Hitting you like that really wasn't OK. Period. Listed to your gut, and talk to someone when you feel it's time. You're certainly not alone in your experience, but that knowledge doesn't help much until you can share it with someone you trust. This a rather heavy burden for a 16 year old to shoulder themselves, and if you don't reach out a bit soon, this is the kind of stuff that circles back again when you're older, have kids of your own, experience random acts of anger, hit your kid because they didn't do what you expected, then wonder "holly smokes! Where did THAT come from?!". Catch my drift?

Answer 3

Yep - that's abuse, both physical and mental. The conventional thing to say, as others have, is that you should call the police right away. But I know that seems crazy because you'd be totally turning your family upside-down. First of all, you should talk to your mom about this! It's her responsibility to keep this kind of thing from happening. Just as the same is true, if the shoe were on the other foot and your Mom was abusive. Parents need to keep each other in check.

If your mom won't help you deal with it, then she has issues of her own and it is up to you. If your father is like many people who have a rage issue, then he has good days and bad days. Sometimes, you may feel lucky to have him as a dad. On those days, you should try to tell him how you feel. But, if you can, try to do it in a way that is as unemotional as possible. Some men freak out when girls/women get emotional, and they don't know how to respond to it. They aren't really wired to deal with it in the way we'd like them to. Just say something like this:

'Dad, when you get angry at me, it makes me feel [fill in the blank with how you actually feel]'

Just be honest, and stay away from anything that sounds like "you're a bad father" because that won't get you anywhere, even if it's true.

If, however, there is really nothing redeeming about him, and you truly feel like he's a bad man, then I think you should do whatever you can to get as far away from him as possible as soon as possible. And that may mean getting someone else involved. If it's not the police, or the school counselor, then some other adult that you trust.

Answer 4

Yes, your dad has an anger problem. You have to have a heart to heart talk with him about how you felt when he delivered those hard blows to your back and cursed you.. Do it in a civilized manner. If he does that often to you, then you can make a stern warning to him to stop it. If he does not listen, then that will be the time to report physical abuse to the police. Of course, doing that will destroy your relationship. So, before anything gets worse, have this thing resolved in a son to father communication. Just try your best not to be in conflict with him and you will avoid getting hurt.

Answer 5

Tell your grandfather(if he's a good man) what your dad did and tell him you are thinking of going to the police. Hopefully he can express to your dad and from a third party yet authoritative position that your dad can't do stuff like that. If your dad so much as lays 1 more finger on you abusively go directly to the police. Hopefully, he realizes his anger is out of control and will seek to alleviate it in a constructive way and not abusive. Your mom has probably accepted your dads behavior or is to afraid of him too to do anything.

If no Grandfather go to an uncle on your mothers side preferably. Pick a guy that is bigger than or not afraid of your dad for best results.

Answer 6

He sounds like a Bully and needs some anger managment classes. If you love your Dad and Mom, I would first talk to your Mother about it. If she doesn't respond then your best option is the school counselors. They are highly trained in this and you have nothing to be ashamed of. You may be 16 but until you are 18, you are still considered a minor and a child. You may not be telling us the whole story either so I will reserve judgement on your Father. You may have been doing something to anger him over and over tha you failed to mention.

Answer 7

Listen to me. Get off this computer and go to a trusted friends house, a neighbor, any adult that you know you can trust, but I would maybe start with the parents of a really good friend. Let them know that you're scared to be in that house. If you have no one like this then call the police or child protective services. The numbers should be in the phone book or just ask one of the above adults for the number. Do this and someone will come and get you out of that house. It might be a little difficult to get used to living somewhere new but at least you will be safe and feel safe. Please get out right now and get to safety.

Answer 8

Look you need to talk to someone. This is abuse. No one has the right to hit you in this way. I understand the difficult position you are in. Talk to a responsible adult you can trust. Why does your mom allow this to go on? Sounds like your mom is being mentally abused too. Talk to her and make her see what he is doing is wrong. You shouldn't have to live like this. Go and talk to someone asap.

How bad does it have to be until you tell the police? one day he could lose histemper a lot worse and really hurt you. Your dad needs help to control himself and believe it or not living like this will eventually affect you.

You and your mom are victims stop making excuses for him and tell someone.

Answer 9

Pick up your phone book, and look for a youth hotline.

Those are people you can talk to, you can tell them anything, they've heard it all (and much worse) before.

They're trained to help you.

There are programs for men like your father on how to deal with their anger without becoming abusive or violent. That would be the best thing for all of you.

His going off is not right; it's bad for the whole family (including him).

Answer 10

You are old enough to talk to him face to face. Tell him that you don't understand why he got so angry. Ask him what you did wrong. Apparently he feels you inconvenienced him. Is your mother just letting him hit you? You need to talk to her and tell her that she needs to intervene and tell him to stop. If she can't then you are going to have to be strong enough to tell him that when he hits you it makes you feel horrible and afraid and he needs to stop it. If he continues to lose control, then you are going to have to talk to a counselor or another adult in your family. Your dad is over reacting and there may be something wrong, like stress at work but you shouldn't have to live being afraid of him. Good luck.

Answer 11

yeah i think its fine for parents to hit their kids as long as its for a legit reason. You missing practice because you felt sick isn't a reasonable reason to get hit. And even if you did do something really bad parents can or should only take discipline so far. Don't get me wrong i have been there before and i know you don't want to get other people into it because you don't want to 'wreck' the family, but just make sure you feel safe and talk to him about it, when he's in a good mode though.