I am nearly 30 years old with a 2 year old daughter. I live about 40 minutes away from my family and 3 hours away from my husband's family. We made plans about 2 weeks ago to go and see them on our "monthly" visit. A family friend of my father's (with whom I am not all that close) was celebrating her 80th birthday. When she invited me and my family (through my father) I told them I had to regret as I had already made plans to go and see my husband's side of the family. She was fine with this. On the day of her birthday celebration, my sister, who is 2 years younger than me, called and stated that her boyfriend could not drive her the 3.5 hours to our family friend's birthday party and wanted me to change my plans and drive her. When I did not she started sending me nasty text messages and called our mother, who sided with her. My sister told me I was being selfish and that she'd break plans to drive me.
2007-09-16 03:46:02 · 25 answers · asked by Candace 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My mother said that all my sister wanted me to do is just drive her down and that she didn't see anything wrong with that. Then she stopped answering my phone calls and would not return my messages. We only see my daughter's father's side of the family once a month or less. My sister is nearly 30 herself! She ended up not going because I wouldn't drive her and then said it was my fault she didn't go! Should I have broke plans with my family to drive my sister somewhere just because she didn't feel like driving? These plans were in place before I even knew about the birthday celebration? Was I being selfish? I was thinking about my daughter and the fact that I want her to know the other side of her family even though they live farther away. Please give me your opinion on the situation.
2007-09-16 03:49:21 · update #1
Thanks to all of you who have answered thus far!! I appreciate it.
To answer a few of your questions, my mother was already at the birthday party celebration. My parents drove up the night before. My sister chose not to go with them because she was counting on her boyfriend driving her. However, on the day of, he came down sick. She has a car but she stated she was too worn out from the week to drive herself and that's the reason she wanted me to drive her.
I really appreciate all of your answers! Thanks so much!
2007-09-16 04:09:04 · update #2
You are not your sisters keeper. You are your daughters keeper and you absolutely made the right decision. She only gets to see them once a month and she is your priority. Your sister could have rented a car and driven herself. Your parents could have come and picked her up. You did what was right for you and your daughter. She will thank you later in life for the opportunity of knowing her fathers side of the family. Your sister will always rely on others for her shortcomings and take no responsibility for her or her actions. No guilt here. Just look into your daughters face and you will know that what you did was right.
2007-09-16 04:01:20 · answer #1 · answered by firemouse23 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You did nothing wrong. You stated your sister "didn't feel like driving". That would indicate she had a way to get there but chose to not take responsibility for herself. You had already made previous plans and you have a responsibility to your daughter.
You said your Mom won't take your calls. Stop calling and live your life. If they want you to be a part of their lives again, they'll eventually call. In my opinion, they both owe you an apology.
You can't live your life according to everyone else's needs. Eventually your sister and your Mom will get over it. If not, no great loss. Do you really want to live your life constantly catering to other people who expect you to put yourself and your daughter last?
2007-09-16 04:05:10 · answer #2 · answered by innerradiancecoaching 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You dont have to do anything you dont want to do? If they have fell out with you over not driving your sister then they are very petty and pathetic! You have your own choices and chose not to drive your sister. They then should respect your answer. Your sister is old enough to look after herself and should not rely on you to do things for her. She should have found an alternative to get to the Birthday party and should grow up and stop your mother defending her! You should not feel like you have done anything wrong.
2007-09-16 03:57:33 · answer #3 · answered by Lyniroquai 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, I do not think you are wrong. What's selfish is your sister and mother expecting you to drop everything and work on your sister's problem. Your sister is grown and should understand that you have your own family and that you can't just drop everything. Especially since you had these plans made before you knew about the celebration. It's also immature and wrong for her to be sending you rude messages just because you simply could NOT do it. Just explain to them that you are sorry you couldn't do it and you wish they could understand that. If they are still rude, you've done your part....what else can you do?!
2007-09-16 03:54:22 · answer #4 · answered by A to da Izzay 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
no, you did the right thing. Your sister is a grown woman and you shouldn't have to change your plans to accomodate her and her situations. And if it was that serious why didn't you mom drive and get her and take her to the party. You have a life of your own and had plans in place, they should respect that. Don't feel guilty because you did nothing wrong in this situation. your sister and your mother both need to grow up and get some bidness ASAP
2007-09-16 04:07:18 · answer #5 · answered by Mrs Jackson - West 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your sister you have your own life. In future she should get a car and drive herself or use public transport for gods sake shes not 8 years old. Your mother shouldnt have sided with her it was a disagreement between you 2.
2007-09-16 04:12:23 · answer #6 · answered by emma157 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you did the right thing by keeping the commitment you made to bring your daughter to see your in-laws.
I also think your sister was the selfish one for expecting you to change your plans at the last minute to give her a ride. If she wanted to go so badly, she should have driven herself or found someone else to go with. She should be mad at her boyfriend for not taking her, not you.
2007-09-16 04:03:34 · answer #7 · answered by WilmaF 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your mother and your sister need to realize that you have a life that doesn't include them in it 24/7. No, you shouldn't have broken your plans to go see your in-laws just to play taxi for your sister. If it was that important that she be there, why didn't your mother go pick her up and take her? It would have been a lot more convenient if someone who was planning on attending the party would have taken her.
2007-09-16 03:53:25 · answer #8 · answered by sassydontpm 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
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2016-11-14 14:22:47 · answer #9 · answered by crandall 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you are apparently the only grown up in your family, ignore this situation. Don't respond and don't discuss it any further.
You did nothing wrong, and you don't have to justify your actions. If your mother wanted your sister there so badly, she could have simply picked her up herself. Out of her way? I think that's your point.
Good for you for not giving in to your sister and mothers bullying.
2007-09-16 03:58:26 · answer #10 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋