I HATE MY GRANDPARENTS.they did not pay attetion to my mom when she was young n as a result now she is timid n shy....n they didnt even ask her opinion if she wanted to get married to my dad....they were in a hurry to send her out of the hpouse,....when she was pregnant with my elder sister she stayed in my grandparent's house for a few days because my dad was on work...n my grandparents gave her only buttermilk n rice n expected her cook n do the dishes..n my mom was even working outside in a factory...n her husband my dad,was a troublesome drunkard then....she has suffered a lot becoz of her parents .....now my grandparents r old n ill still i dont have sympathy on them.....i feel like they are a piece of s#it in my life...is this hatred justified?
2007-09-16 03:33:16 · 15 answers · asked by coolgal 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
yeah n my mom had heamoglobin levels very low wen she was pregnant her parents knew about it..n it was an arranged marriage n my grandparents were partial towards the other siblings...
2007-09-16 04:12:02 · update #1
Oh dear,
My son who is 10 is going through the same darned thing! You are right in being angry, and not wanting to be near them.
My boy, when he was a toddler..I left him with my in-laws, in the 12 hours I was in surgery/ driving home...they never once changed his diaper or fed him.
( I was smart enough to MARK the diapers with numbers...and he was still in the diaper marked # 1.)
HE was crying so hard when I came through the door!
Then I again I had to leave him when he was 5, he has asthma and was on meds..I was gone 7 hours...they never gave him his meds or fed him!
Then they called me a bold faced liar to my face, even though the meds had HIS name on them! They said, "He didn't need it, and that they had fed him."
Children do not lie.
Yet, to this day, he despises them. And if it were one of the other grand kids...THEY would have been cared for them, changed their diaper and fed them!
Then, about a month ago I learned that his grandfather had abused him. By grabbing his arms and shaking him violently, I confronted grandma, who told grandpa...and the dirty SOB..didn't even apologize!
So, in conclusion...you have a right to your anger..you also have a right to not see them or speak to them or even be near them! They do not deserve your love or affection.
Just like my in laws do not deserve the rights to see their grand kids when they can't care nor treat them properly!
2007-09-16 04:43:24 · answer #1 · answered by Midnight Winter WOLF 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is an awful lot of horror stories from when your Mom was young...when you weren't around to see them first-hand.
You blame them because your Mom is timid and shy? That could just be your Mom's personality.
Didn't ask her opinion if she wanted to marry your dad? Why would they? If your Mom came home and said "We're getting married", what opinion were they supposed to ask for?
Gave her only buttermilk and rice? That sounds like an "I had to walk 10 miles to school" kind of sob story. And they were wrong because she had to do dishes and help out when she was living with them? There are pregnant women who work every day up until the birth and go back to work soon after...why is your Mom any different?
Your dad was a "troublesome drunkard" - maybe the suffering wasn't at the hands of her parents - seems more likely that the suffering came from the "troublesome drunkard", but she is choosing to blame her parents instead.
With the lovely attitude you have - and I'm sure you will one day pass along to your own children...you'll have grandkids who feel about you the exact same way.
2007-09-16 10:50:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Instead of wallowing in hatred try to look at things from a different perspective. You may not agree with the way your grandparents treated their daughter. They did what they thought was best. That doesn't make it right but it is what it is. Keep in mind that just because someone reaches a certain age that doesn't automatically make them smart enough to raise a family. Most people base their actions on what they've been taught. If your grandparents were brought up in a similar atmosphere, it's all they knew.
Your Mom is an adult now and the things you talk about are in the past. Your Mom has a choice to make. She can live in the past and blame her parents for the way her life turned out or she can take charge of her life and move forward. You also have a choice. You can waste your time and energy hating people who made mistakes in the past, most of which were made before you were born. Or you can choose to let go of your Mom's past and move forward with your life.
Be willing to accept that your grandparents are imperfect human beings who did the best they knew how at the time. Again, what they did may have been wrong but how long are you going to hold yourself back by focusing on your Mom's past instead of on your future? Are your grandparents asking for your sympathy? Are they asking to be a part of your life? If not, let it go. If they are asking you to be there for them, take the opportunity to try to understand who they are and why they did the things they did. Tell them what you feel and ask them to explain themselves. By communicating with them you may be able to help yourself, your Mom and even your grandparents. Willingness to see things with compassion rather than with hatred makes life much easier.
2007-09-16 10:51:38 · answer #3 · answered by innerradiancecoaching 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is sad that your grand parents did not treat your mom well, and she did not have a good husband to support her, Your grandparents come from a very old school of thought, how they were raised and treated is what they will give out in life. Looks like they themselves had a pretty bad life as young people,
No one is responsible for what others do, but we are all responsible for ourselves, Your mother was ill treated i understand, but there is one more truth, and that is.,,,,,,,you mother allowed this to happen, she allowed them to ill treat her, she allowed the abuse tohappen, What responsibility did she take for herself, other than crying on your shoulders, for they way she was treated by everyone. Now she has a refuge in you and you hate your grand parents.
Yes you may dislike your grandparents for their low functioning or ill treating your mom. NO one likes this especially if this is happening to significant others in our lifes. Now how can you empower your mother so she can do things she could never do in her own life, How can you help her become independent and be the person she always wanted to be. She sounds like a dependent person and a person with very low self esteem who could not stand up for her self. I am glad you are there in her life to help her regain what she lost as a person. Let her enjoy all her money she is earing so you dont depend on her, allow her to persue her interest, she needs a lot of self care. This willhelp her respect her own self. Help her express her interest and help her to have those interest. That would be the best way to give her back her life. Address the issue to your grand parents and let them know how your feel and tell them tht the abuse will end. They do not have any right to control anyone.
2007-09-16 12:42:24 · answer #4 · answered by thachu5 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Holy Bible says : "Judge not, ye shall be judged!"
The Holy Quran warns : "Wrong not, you shall be wronged!"
Your hate towards your maternal grandparents, obviously, is based on your mom's version.
Have you, at any time, tried to know the view points of your maternal grandparents? If not, then yours is a one-sided judgement and not valid.
Before you judge, it is but proper that you
listen to both the sides in a dispute . Then decide as to who is guilty. Before you give the verdict take into acount the social conditions and traditional values of that time.
Above all we human beings, who are susceptible to err, are told by our holy books to return evil with good, hatred with love, and falsehood with truth! Let us bring people together nor divide them further!
2007-09-17 08:38:19 · answer #5 · answered by The Tribune 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is not the question of whether u r hatred is justified or not but waht they did was correct or not? so as u sow so u reep and hence one person when he does bad to others he has to suffer one day as they forget very easily that too will be growing old one day and who will take care of them.i think u should forget about every thing and look after u r mom in the first place and leave everything to god about u r grand parents as one should realise what they have done in the past.
2007-09-16 11:24:14 · answer #6 · answered by KRISHNA 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i cant really be the judge off that but my advise would be to sit with your mum and grandparents and discuss this situation ask your grandparent s why they did what they did to your mum and you dont say if your mum feels this way toward them if she does i think you should get your questions answered now when they are alive and dont forget what has happened has happened you cant change the past wll you can do is enjoy your life and make sure your mum enjoys hers.
2007-09-16 16:23:41 · answer #7 · answered by princess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES! However, you need to sit down and talk with them about this. If they pass away and you don't have all the right answers about why they did what they did, how can you be sure that the decisions they made were wrong. You need to see this from their point of view. Live and learn, With all the information from both side of the fence you can live a life made of educated and substantiated decisions.
2007-09-16 10:44:59 · answer #8 · answered by Big Bull 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Their are lot of compulsion's in life, when a girl is married she ha s virtually left her family it is most likely, that when your mother returned they might be having financial problem's. You can keep a distance from your grand parents but hatred will make your life miserable. You can talk to them for knowing their viewpoints.
2007-09-16 11:38:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No it's not justified.
Your mother has kept her parents in her life, and it's HER decision... your grandparents didn't force your mother to associate with them.
Adults make their own choices.
And "sympathy"? We dont' need it.
the best thing to do is to take care of ourselves... and if your mother was pregnant and your father was out of town, i don't understand why she'd have to stay with her parents anyway?
pregnancy isn't an "illness" and when i was pregnant i cooked for myself, cleaned, did laundry, went out and worked and took care of my first child in the meantime....
you dont' have to associate with your grandparents, either. if they bother you, then you do not have to be around them...
2007-09-16 10:47:04 · answer #10 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋