Ok, I have a 3 and 4 year old girls. Their father has been out of the picture since the 3 year old was a newborn and even before that was not around but here and there. He has recently got out of prison and whats to see them ( he only gets supervised visitation).
The problem is, I have been with someone for a while now, and they have decided a while back to call him Daddy. Since they do not remember their father at all, and don't even know who he is in pictures.
My question is what is the easiest way to explain to them that they have two Daddys. Without confusing them?
2007-09-16 03:20:03 · 14 answers · asked by blebert2002 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Trust me, If I could, they woulod never know who he is and he would never see them. But, since we were married and went through a divorce, it is in the papers that he gets supervised visitation. I got the divorce while he was in prison and now that he is out and says he is a changed man, he wants to see them. So I have to let him see them since it is in the papers. He had just called, and said that he was going to try to make it to the town we live next weekend and wants to see them then.I agree that I am not going to say anything to them till I know for sure he is coming. Since before he went to prison he live 3 minutes from us(and he knew where we lived because he had lived there too) for close to 6 months and never called or came by to see them.
2007-09-16 04:11:15 · update #1
That is by far one of the hardest things you'll probably ever have to do. Considering these girls' ages, there really isn't a right way to do it. Most young children aren't offended by the thought of multiple parents and when they grow up knowing that, it's easier for them to accept. But, if I were you, I'd just tell them that so-in-so is coming to visit, and leave it at that. And when they're older, at least old enough to understand, I'd tell them.
2007-09-16 03:27:28 · answer #1 · answered by Becca G 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
THEY decided to call him Daddy? No YOU decided to have them call him Daddy. You should have never done that. They should have always called him by his first name, that way they would grow up to understand that he's not really their Dad & it won't be as big of a shock to them. At least they're still very young, so it should beable to be explained w/out much complication. Tell them their real Daddy had to go away on a long vacation, so this Daddy (your bf) became their new daddy until the other daddy came back. And then don't ever pull anything like this again. You need to be honest from the start. Their real Dad has a right to see them, you just have to introduce him to them slowly, because to them, he will be a stranger.
2007-09-16 05:22:26 · answer #2 · answered by tanner 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, if you wish to let them know they have a biological father, it's up to you. They are a little too young to understand the difference. However, this new guy that's in their life, they call "daddy", that may never change. If he's a good guy and role model for you children, they may always look up to him as daddy. And if their biological father wishes to be apart of their life, it's up to you how much he can see them. Maybe for child-support, if you claim for it. The difference between a father and a daddy.. is a father, just fathered the child, but a daddy is the one who will love and play with them. Best of luck! Hope I helped out some. Stay with the guy who will not only love you, but love your kids even more!
2007-09-16 03:37:34 · answer #3 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do females have to make the simplest things in life so dramatic and practically turn it into an international incident...GEESH...!
Face the facts here...you have only two simple issues here and at the age of those kids the issues are not going to phase them anyway...
Issue #1...how much do you want them to know about YOU...?
Issue #2...how much do you want them to know about HIM...?
Very little at this time I hope... Are you divorced...? Can you trust the bio-dad to visit...will he become a pest...will he want you back regardless of your new lover...?
Lady, you have more to worry about of your personal situation than how to tell a 3 and 4 year old girl they have two dads...! Have you married this new and caring guy or are you just living together...?
Here's what you do... After an evening meal when kids are expected to taper down there activities for the day, tell the kids you have a story to tell...
Have a picture of the bio-dad ready as a story ending. Tell them the story of a beautiful girl that met a handsome guy and he made her feel like a princess and they were so much in love they decided they wanted to have two baby girls and... they did...!
Then, some time after the girls were born, they found out their happiness was not real love and they feared if they were not happy then the little girls would not be happy...
So, the mommy and daddy cried and hugged because daddy said it would be better if he left so mommy could be happy with their little girls and maybe find happiness and real love with another man sometime...
The daddy did say he would never forget his little girls and would come back to visit when they grow older...
Now, I want to tell you that I was the princess in my story and that you are the two little girls. Now I have a surprise for you both. Your real daddy wants to see you again as he said he would because he really loves you and said he would never forget. Here is a picture of him...!!
That's it, lady...so very simple. My bet will be that the girls will want to know if you were a real princess more than having questions about their bio-dad, considering their age...lol
After that, just answer whatever questions they have with truth and sincerety and all will be fine. Never degrade their bio-dad...but do watch closely of him as well as the girls...
Best of luck...? NO...! Best of making better choices......
2007-09-16 04:13:17 · answer #4 · answered by farplaces 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You can tell them that although the daddy they know isn't the one who helped bring them into this world it doesn't mean that he isn't their dad. Anyone can be a father not everyone can be a good dad. If their real father really wants to become part of their lives explain to them that things with mommy and their biological father just didn't work out and that he went away for awhile. Tell them lots of children have two fathers.
2007-09-16 03:28:53 · answer #5 · answered by ღFreakin Fantasticღ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're going to confuse them.
The minute their Father went into prison that was already true.
They're too little to understand the complexity of the situation. Just explain to them that they're lucky little girls. Most kids only get one daddy and that they have two-- A full-time daddy and a "visiting" daddy.
Add details as they get older. Keeping biologocal dad labelled as "visiting dad" will help if he ever walks away or gets jailed again.
2007-09-16 03:30:20 · answer #6 · answered by chocolahoma 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You must understand that if you tell these children they have another father then it's going to cause questions. Be honest with them. I wouldn't tell them anything until your sure that the 'real' father is really coming. In other words don't get their hopes built up...then he not show up and they are crushed. Also this age is quite forgiving. Usually as long as they get what they want and their world isn't turned totally upside down by this they will do better than you I'm sure.
2007-09-16 03:30:26 · answer #7 · answered by OMGiamgoingNUTS 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
To me,their real father is their father. And the man who has helped you bring them up and raise them and look after them,is their daddy.
It's a hard situation to be in,because they're so young and don't understand the true meaning of words and such.
But if i was in your situation,i'd just explain to them,that their natural father is their father,but your current partner is their dad,and the difference being is father helped make them,but dad brought them up with you to be wonderful little girls :o)
2007-09-16 03:28:11 · answer #8 · answered by Mrs_Golub 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would tell my daughters that they are very special little girls because not only do they get one daddy that loves them..they get two!! i would try to explain that daddy loves them and wants to be there for them to play with them and watch cartoons, but their other daddy wants to be their friend and he wants to play with them and spend time with them too...
i would also not use daddy for both men..that would be very confusing...since they think of your current man as daddy,, maybe the real father could just start out as his name what ever that be..
2007-09-16 03:39:11 · answer #9 · answered by Shina Beana 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell them that they have another dad, but when they were young, he went to jail, so you got a new daddy and that the one they know as thier father. Then explain that daddy 1
wants to see how they are doing sice he hasnt seen them in a long time
2007-09-16 03:29:20 · answer #10 · answered by Sarah 6 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋