The Pope is visiting town and all the residents are dressed up in their best Sunday clothes. everyone lines up on main street hoping for a personal blessing from the Pope. One local man has put on his best suit and he's sure the Pope will stop and talk to him. He is standing next to an exceptionally down-trodden looking bum who doesn't smell very good. As the Pope comes walking by he leans over and says something to the bum and then walks right by the local man. He can't believe it, then it hits him. The pope won't talk to him, he's concerned for the unfortunate people the poor and feeble ones. Thinking fast, he gives the bum $20 to trade clothes with him. He puts on the bums clothing and runs down the street to line up for another chance for the pope to stop and talk to him. Sure enough, the Pope walks right up to him this time, leans over close and says "I thought I told you to get the hell out of here."
2007-09-16 02:16:10 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
There's this couple doing some yard work and the wife stops to go up and take a shower. Shortly after the guy is looking for the rake and yells up to his wife, who looks out to the upstairs bathroom window, "WHERE'S THE RAKE?" he yells She can't hear him, so he points to his eye [I], points to his knee [need] and then makes raking motions. "WHAT?" she yells. So he goes through the whole routine again. She nods like she gets it and then points to her eye, squeezes her left *****t, slaps her *** and then rubs her c.r.o.t.c.h. Her husband is somewhat confused, but totally aroused, so he quickly goes in the house, up the stairs, and into the bathroom. "What did you say?" he asks She says, "I said: eye, left tit, behind, the bush."
2007-09-16 02:18:16 · update #1
Once the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a $100 bet on the side. "But," said the duffer, "since you're obviously much better than I, to even it up a bit you have to spot me two 'gotchas.'" The golf pro didn't know what a 'gotcha' was, but he went along with it. And off they went. Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club members were amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $100. "What happened?" asked one of the members. "Well, "said the pro. "l was teeing up for the first hole, and as I brought the club down, the jerk stuck his hand between my legs
and grabbed my b.a.l.l.s. while yelling "Gotcha!" "Ouch!" said the guy "I can see why you lost that hole but how come you lost the game?" "Have you ever tried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for the second *gotcha*?"
If none was good, say so.......I will try again!
2007-09-16 02:20:52 · update #2
Uhhh, not so good. But let me offer you a better one:
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"Nine Months Later...."
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house. Also, I don't know you, and this huge house has many valuables."
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"
"Yes, I do." said Bob
"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"
"Well, um, yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out. "I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to use MY name instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. I was worried something bad might happen, so I used your name. Why do you ask?"
"She just died and left me everything."
(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?...
now keep that smile for the rest of the day.)
2007-09-16 10:56:47 · answer #1 · answered by pachl@sbcglobal.net 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Overall, not bad. I really like the third one best. I am quite sure I will be repeating it at dinner later tonight.
2007-09-16 09:24:25 · answer #2 · answered by Bronwen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i thought the first joke about the Pope was the funniest. keep on writing jokes. LOL
2007-09-16 09:25:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
pretty good, i liked the first two the most. THe second one was hilarious
2007-09-16 09:30:59 · answer #4 · answered by seastarr1616 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I loved all 3 of them.......
Thanks for sharing the same .....
Keep up the good work
2007-09-17 02:08:30 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOOOL they were all funny!!! but i like the last one the most
2007-09-16 09:21:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
lolz.....the last one i liked.....keep posting on anyway dude
2007-09-16 09:47:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
they were all very funny
2007-09-16 10:03:51 · answer #8 · answered by daddyfirt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
they all sucked.
2007-09-16 09:24:40 · answer #9 · answered by ♥Ms. Sweeney Todd♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋