she dont like me because i told her how i really feel. she trys to control how my life is my husband and my son. she just always get mad when something happen and it all my fault
2007-09-16 01:34:18 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Stand your ground. She'll come around. Sounds like my MOM. Don't give in, it's a sign of weakness.
2007-09-16 01:38:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
That's a difficult situation to be in, because it puts a strain on your husband. You and your man need to keep the lines of communication open on this subject and discuss it without placing blame on your mother-in-law. Try to understand that she is a mom and always will be, even when the child is grown and no longer needs mothering. There are many times that I have to "bite my tongue" when around my son and daughter-in-law, just because it's human nature to take my son's side. I love my daughter-in-law, but I think I would rather blame her than my son in many situations. Not all valid, but that's just what moms do. Try to be the bigger person and understand where her attitudes are coming from, but carry on your life with your husband as you would if she weren't in the picture. When a man takes a wife, she comes before mom and that's really hard for moms to wrap their head around. Cut her some slack and she will come around. Treat her with respect and she will soon see you for the asset you are in her son's life.
2007-09-16 08:48:16 · answer #2 · answered by Funny Girl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES, pity the poor woman, as she knows not of what an IDIOT she makes of herself. I am 100% in FAVOR of speaking up against unjust or controlling people - BUT, I am painfully aware from YEARS of experience, that doing so usually comes with a price!!! SO, now you know that saying what you feel can cause ill feelings to you from those who cannot handle it! HER LOSS!!
You CANNOT change her mind now unless you change how you feel about her, or you kiss up to her, which I doubt will happen. Just ACCEPT that this is the way it will be, and try your best to IGNORE her immature reaction and harsh words. If you DON'T, she will HAUNT your feelings and beat you down forever more. DON'T let the turkeys bring you down.
2007-09-16 08:48:10 · answer #3 · answered by BikerChick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you will have to give it some time to cool down. Let her think about it.
Also, stand your ground. Be firm, be polite, but control your own life. Make sure hubby is standing with you and not undermining you to his mom. It is you and he first.
You can try to see her side of things and make her feel special and important in ways that don't hand over your control. You want her on your team.
You can work this out. Put yourself in her shoes and treat her the way you want to be treated. Be an adult and negotiate. Stick to your guns.
2007-09-16 08:43:12 · answer #4 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You know....i have the exact same problem. All i did was to ignore her, when you are in her house and she asks you a question, look the other way, pretend that you cant hear her. Also, talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. I mean...mother always listens to a son. right?
2007-09-16 08:47:30 · answer #5 · answered by zac w 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Mothers-in-laws are best once a week....like Sunday afternoon visits. They do no need to know or be involved with the day to day events in your household. Your husband needs to make his mother understand that you are his wife and he must stand by you. And that you and he will work out your own problems. (But if he is like most guys, he won't...so if you ask him once to defend you to his mother and he doesn't don't be surprised or hurt. Let it go.)
You can't make anyone like you. All you can do is treat her with respect and common courtesy. Do not engage her in an argument...your best bet is to smile, nod, and back away slowly. Then do your own thing.
Personally, I love my MIL....in another State!!
2007-09-16 08:44:35 · answer #6 · answered by Barbiq 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would have your husband deal with his family. Let his mother be mad or unreasonable with him.
Tell your husband to get a back-bone and set the rules for her mother.
2007-09-16 08:38:46 · answer #7 · answered by Mark N 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This is an one sided allegation. We don't know what the other part have to say. Anyways in order to make the things a little more clear I will tell you my own story.
I have been married to a girl with whom I was in courtship for 10 years. During this period she used to visit my house every now and then and particularly on Sundays. I mean to say that long before our marriage she mingled with my family members. In my family we were like friends between mom, sisters and all. On the second day of the marriage, all of us (including her) were watching a movie and we used to pull legs each other in conjunction with the scenes. Suddenly my wife disappeared from that room and when I searched for her, she was sitting in our bed room all alone. She told me she is feeling head ache which definitely I know that it was a lie.
What I mean to say that, once when a girl coming to a house, she has to understand that apart from her other half, he is a Son, a Brother, an Uncle and all. When the possessiveness and fake insecurity start working in her mind, she start acting hastily towards those who are closely related to him so that they will be away from him.
In the other part, the mother in law will also in the defendants court. When somebody coming to the life of her son, she feels that, Oh now all the regards that I was receiving from him will be possessing by somebody. All my efforts that I put to grow him will be futile from now onwards. This kind of thoughts will make her jealous and she start looking the new comer like an enemy. In order to convince herself and to show others that she is just down only and not out, she used to interfere in her son's family matters, which the new comer will not tolerate at all.
If both of the parties are not understanding their own part in other's life, the atmosphere will become catastrophic.
So from your part, you must have this awareness that she is his mother. She has a little right to interfere in his life. Okay let it be. At the same time you have to express your opinion also but of course not in a warriors mood. Some of the things which you are hearing from others should be treated like "hearing but not hearing". If you start responding for each and every thing, you are not only spoiling your own peace, but that poor guy who fall prey in between also.
See if they put allegations on you, you don't have to convince them that you are innocent. You just have to convince your hubby only about the things happened, but of course not in an exaggerated way.
Anyway I hope the above could give you a little to think.
kutoos971208@yahoo.co.in
2007-09-16 09:00:30 · answer #8 · answered by Surettan S 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Good on you for having the courage to tell your mother in law how you feel. I'm proud of you....
Maybe you shouldn't have so much contact with your mother in law. Just a thought.
2007-09-16 08:41:34 · answer #9 · answered by bellaboo 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
in some cases i fell like in-laws should be seen and not heard.but it really depends,is she trying to give good advise and you just dont want to hear it or is she just sticking her nose in where it dont belong.i say try talking to her again just the 2 of you and if it dont work then tell her how its going to be
2007-09-16 08:48:48 · answer #10 · answered by kcbeason7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People like your mother in law need to hear that their "controlling ways" are unwelcome.
If she doesn't like it, too bad.
Everything is NOT your fault... things happen and we can't always control them....
Gather your dignity and act like an adult.... ignore your mother in law...the only person you can change is YOU.
take care too!
2007-09-16 09:39:00 · answer #11 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋