When people[on this site] ask for advice after they have been abused or raped I find it very irritating and so rude when I see people answer telling them to go to the police and report it.
Having been raped by boy who is friends with all of my friends and sexually abused by a family friend, there is no way I could have reported their behavior without being even more abused by my 'friends' and family.
Those people who answer saying, go to the police, it's the only thing that will help, chances are you havn't been in their position so don't judge.
My counsellor told me that going to the police was almost a waste of time for me, because it would be my word against his. That less than 5% of all reported rapes actually are heard in court and less than 1% are found guilty.
I don't blame any victim for not reporting it. Most of these attacks are one off. It's about the victim receiving the help that they need!
What are your thoughts?
2007-09-16 00:50:42 · 8 answers · asked by ★☆✿❀ 7 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Give up? No, you make the best choice you can in your own situation. Everyone is different, so taking the same 'path' isn't going to work for everyone.
I'm not condoning the behavior but going to the police wouldn't have helped me at all.
To the first answer- I know exactly what you mean. He worn a condom though and at the time I had no idea what had happened.
2007-09-16 01:06:31 · update #1
omg, i totally agree with you 100%, having been thru this also, this was 27 years ago, my friends husband did this to me, there was no way i could have reported this, or tell my friend, i talked to my theripist, and he agreed, that even tho i hadn't considered it at the time, i thought i did something to make this happen, he told me this man knew exactly what he was doing, and even had planned it out before hand!well, this friend of mine is really not a best friend anymore, i haven't forgotten this, nor have i forgiven, and i never will, just as i can never forget!i remember every detail as if it were yesterday, and today when i do see this person, i cringe!i detest him. and maybe her to in a way for not being able to see what kind of person he really is!so wabby i know what and how you are feeling, it's not as easy to get past as some ppl. think ppl. that haven't been thru this are very good at giving well meant advise, but in all reality, they haven't a clue as to what a rape victim feels. good luck to you!
2007-09-16 01:23:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is a shame that an professional has discourage you. It is not that persons job to do such a thing. Food for thought is all they are suppose to do. Not tell you statistics and tell you not to bother. Not everyone deals with crisis in the same way. Some will have closure or satisfaction by reporting the incident. Maybe that perpetrator will be effected in a positive way whether or not they are convicted. Maybe they will laugh it off when it goes no where. They certainly will if it is not reported. You should want to deter this person from ever committing this hideous crime on others. Not blow it off because you are afraid what other so called friends may think and or say. You are a victim, they are not, or maybe some are and are afraid to say so. Maybe if you do, others will come forward and he will be taught a long awaited lesson.
You should not judge others who answer such questions. There is no right or wrong answer. It is what is best for the individual. Granted the statistics are not on the side of the victim - but sometimes there is justice. In the end God will judge - but it is worth the try to protect others from the same fate. There is no point in remaining bitter if you decide not to try the legal system and I hope you do not associate with this individual any longer - it sounds like he is part of your circle of friends. This may very well let this person take liberty's with you again - be careful.
2007-09-16 08:17:59 · answer #2 · answered by emtd65 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In defense of those of us who say "Go to the police," I have to admit my first instinct is for swift harsh punishment.
I don't give a *$@k about upsetting the bastards friends and family. And anyone who would defend a rapist or take his side should be stricken from the "friends & family" list anyways.
I know that as a survivor, your instinct is to find a way to cope with a horrific experience. But wouldn't seeing the sick SOB in a cage for 20 years help even a little?
And in cases where the person is not found guilty, I have to say that dousing the guy in petrol and setting him alight is a damn fine solution to a failed justice system. Revenge is a surprisingly effective therapy.
2007-09-16 09:47:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am really sorry to hear that. But I think what they are trying to say is to report it to the authority so that they can be "judged" as they did something worng as you would in other crimes (such as stealing or murdering). Of course every circumstance is unique and there is no "standard answers" as in what to do. Its all depend on you. But for me personally, a crime is a crime doesn't matter who committed it. In some coutries, reporting the crime to the authority is one thing and whether you want to press charges is another. Just one thing to remember here is that if you don't report it to the authority and let him go, he will think "it is ok" for him to commit again either with you or someone else in the future. There is an expression; if you give him cookies, he'll ask for milk next time.
2007-09-16 08:10:51 · answer #4 · answered by Cool Dude 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are correct...sometimes, reporting it can be worse than if you didn't even try..but this is what the perpertrator is counting on...the fact that you haven't got any proof...but,..it IS your word against them, and if you go right after they do the crime, you can have dna taken,and prove it, and slap them behind bars, where they belong..no one is judging you, not me, because it is true, the victims somehow another become the bad guy...I was attacked brutally once, and told by a family member, "you wanted it to happen'..yes, right..I wanted them to almost kill me, sure thing..."don't go to the police, you'll embaress the family"..yes, been there done that..so I chose to forgive the man,..and let God and Jesus do the punishment..and God took the pain from me
2007-09-16 08:01:43 · answer #5 · answered by MotherKittyKat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi Wabby, This is a horrible crime against women and some women think it's their fault they had gotten rape.They feel dirty and don't want to be around men. It takes a lot of therapy to get threw something so terrible for women. It takes time but things will get better. Wabby I am truly sorry that you had to go threw something like this by your self. Just remember that it's not your fault. I wish you well my friend.
poppy1
2007-09-18 03:20:07 · answer #6 · answered by poppy1 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As a male Wabby all I can do is give you my sympathy, and admiration for your courage.
2007-09-16 14:07:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
So do we just give up?
2007-09-16 08:02:01 · answer #8 · answered by virgil 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋