What are the primary things your mother and/or father should have done differently when having raised you?

Question

For me, my mother should have worked on improving my self-esteem. She also should have explained the way men are better to me.

Answer 1

The Easter, I was five, I was supposed to say a little piece in church, with about 8 other little girls. We were all going to be dressed as flowers. I was a pansy. Lavendar and pink, made out of crepe paper and I loved my dress. Well I have always loved color and I was so busy looking at the ladies in their hats and pretty dresses, that I missed my turn to say my piece in church. Afterwards, my Mother, said not a word, she and my Dad drove me home, he went in the house, but she stayed outside, built up a fire beside our wood pile. She ripped off my dress with such force that I thought my arms were going to be torn off with it. She threw it in the fire. I thought, I'm next. Now she pushed me closer to the fire, I could feel my toes start to hurt under my patent leather shoes. She had her hand at my back and was pushing me closer to the fire. I just stood there, I know she wanted me to cry but I did not. We finally went into the house. She put me to bed. They ate Easter Dinner, I did not. The next day I got up and could not speak, could not say a word, I could only sing, Please may I have a drink of water?
I have had a speech impediment, ever since, starting that day.
My mother told everyone I spoke that way, because I had Scarlett Fever. I have never had Scarlett Fever.
So I wish my Mother had been a little nicer, not so insistant on perfection. And I wish my Dad had been a father

Answer 2

I know this may sound silly, but they should have explained sex better to me. I lived in a small town and was a bit naive, and when the time came, my mother handed me a book and said "Go read this. If you have any questions, ask me." I read it, looked at it (it was fairly scientific), and then thought, I can't possibly ask her anything about this!" So I didn't, and when I got older and got married, I felt like a real naive person...

Also, my mother could have taken a little less of her life-anger out on me. We weren't the same, so that was belittled instead of celebrated. I learned to ignore her opinion of me, but it would have been nice to have support instead. I don't do that to my own son.

Answer 3

There are always something that we wished our parents
could have done differently,just to tell you the truth, my folks was really busy and with problems that was unreal,I think MoM
did the very best she could under the circumstances
so, lets don't be too hard on them, o.k.? After becoming a parent myself , I realize all the obstales they had to face . It takes a full time mom and dad to give the equal amount of attention to children.I know I'm still trying to tell and show mine things that I might needed to, and they are grown! So, to answer your question , I was lacking self-esteem, but I'VE learned the hard way , they can't be there always! we grew up too fast!!

Answer 4

I think they should have either homeschooled me or put me in another school in 6th-8th grade. We moved, and I went from a large city school district with a GATE program to a small town school (100 students, k-8) that never challenged me in the slightest. We were reading 4th grade books in 8th grade. There were no extracurricular activities, and the students were generally interested in sex and alcohol.

I think they should have recognized that pre-teen and teen problems with friends at school can be very distressing, and they shouldn't have marginalized the problems that my sister and I had just because their childhoods were bad.

I think they should have relaxed a little bit, and allowed my sister and I to watch MTV, some rated R movies, and listen to music with parental warning labels (all around age 12-16) because we were old enough to do what we wanted anyway. We got around the channel blocking, we watched R-rated movies at friends' houses, and we made tapes of friends' CDs. If it was sex or language they were worried about, we were exposed to so much more at school.

Answer 5

1)Been more graceful under pressure. When adults are nervous and stressed, kids are nervous and stressed. My parents stressed about every little thing. So I grew up very insecure.

2)Studied leadership. Leaders don't divulge every thought that comes into their minds. They are strategic about what and how they communicate. Parents who are strategic with their kids spare them stress (see #1) and resist making promises they can't keep. The result, hopefully, is kids who respect them, find them reliable, and feel secure about their homelife and themselves.

3)Made their marriage a priority above us and not undermined one another's authority with us. We would have reaped the benefits of security and the example of a couple working in unison. It would have made them more effective parents and they would have had more to give us emotionally and as an example. Not to mention that we would have had a much happier household. (In particular, this means I think my mom should have shown my dad more respect and honor. When mom doesn't do that it errodes dad's self-esteem and worth in front of the kids. Tisk, tisk.)

Answer 6

I have thought about this a lot over the years espcially since having children of my own. I wish my mother had stayed home from work. She never knew me at all and never had time to talk to me. When she and my father got home, they would relax from a hard day's work and watch tv. There are a number of things I could list, but this would be my number one. It's also the reason I'm a stay at home mom.

Answer 7

I read the question and some of the answers but not all of them...
I think the question should be, what should or should we have done for our mother and/or father differently when they were trying to raise us? My mother passed away.
She did my homework when I was depressed, cooked, cleaned, sewed, put me in private school to take better care of me, took care of me and my child and dogs and got me a dog even when I became an adult, listened to me, tried to get me away from my abusive husband and was willing to help me through that (getting out of it even after I had already moved out) etc. (but she passed away kind of suddenly and before I moved I saw her as being overprotective but now looking back I see her as trying to protect me and her grandchild from harm), and still had time for other things too that I don't see how it was possible because I couldn't do all that she did with her physical problems.
She also pampered me and did things with me that I did not appreciate nor was grateful for but now am and it's too late to tell her thank you and I love you. She's gone.
I now realize that I should have appreciated the good things she did for me. Were there times we didn't get along? sure. Were there times that I thought she was wrong and I was right, sure. Were there times I wanted things instead of needing them, absolutely. But looking back now, I see that she loved me the best she could and the best she knew how even when I was being a brat, pain, or stress for her (because of the issues with my husband and lost baby and hormones and medical and mental issues).
And towards the end she was a best friend for me even when I had not previously thought we would ever be like that.

Answer 8

#1 Provide a safe and happy home with no violence, physical or mental abuse.

#2 My mother should have gotten her 5 children out of the abusive home the moment my father struck her for the first time or at very latest when he struck one of his five children for the first time.

#3 Never allow your children to be in a home where they feel afraid, unwanted, unloved, and/or belittled.

#4 Set a good example by making healthy choices emotionally.

#5 Realizing that the environment you allow your children to grow up in will affect them for many years to come and shape them into the adults they will grow to be.

#6 Realize that the choices you make will have consequences. In my situation, I resent my mother so deeply for not protecting us from a verbally and physically abusive raging alcoholic. Not only did we witness her being abused, but we witnessed eachother (siblings) being abused while she stood by and did nothing (by not leaving this bad man.)

#7 Always put your children's welfare/well-being first. If the situation is not good for them, get out ASAP.

Answer 9

My Mother shouldn't have stayed married to an abusive drunk, she shouldn't have always poked fun of my weight saying things like "do your legs hurt? with how big they are you think they would" / "you would be beautiful if only you lost weight", instead she should have of instilled better eating habits in me, she shouldn't have allowed me to be abused in any way, shape or form (or emotionally abuse me herself). She shouldn't have let me get to the point where my school would have kicked me out had I not dropped out due to attendance....

My Father should have gotten help for his alcohol abuse, he should have spent more time with me instead of his friends all the time... he shouldn't have been abusive mentally, physically and emotionally.....

My Parents should have noticed when I cut myself- they should have gotten me help... they should have done a lot of things they didn't do or even try to do!

Answer 10

My mother and dad should have make me do better in school or least got better grades and graduated on time and tryed to get me to go to college.

My mother should have NEVER told me I did not have to worry about working because I would find a man to take care of me.

They should have made me get a job and save money and started a bank account sooner.

My father should have NEVER paid my car insurance, he should have made me do it form the start or not have a car.