Who is the Bride, me or him ? Who makes most decisons in wedding plans?

Question

Problem: The groom wants to make all the decisons in the wedding plans. First, we are planning on getting married at his church, we are planning on using his extended family catering business to do the food, we already got his cousin doing the invitations, he already inviting more guest than me (120 of my guest, and 250 of his guest), he also has more people in the wedding party than me, he also wanted a Junanoo to present us to the reception, we have his aunt to be the MC during the reception. So I decided to hire a wedding planner to help me with the rest, but the groom thinks I am wasting money and that wedding planners rip people off. So now, he wants his other cousins to do the decorations for cememony and reception, get the limos, and etc. Basically everything. So, I told him that I really want my family to be involved in this wedding planning. He tells me that I am dissing his family. So, my question is who is the bride and who makes the most decisions in wedding plans?

Answer 1

While you are the bride, wedding plans should be made by BOTH the bride AND groom. You should be able to sit down together and decide on what you BOTH want, not just what he wants or just what you want. It has to be mutual on everything... except your dress. That one is ALL yours. If you can't plan the wedding together, what's the marriage going to be like? After all... that's what matters the most.

Answer 2

Weddings are so stressful- But I can totally see where you are coming from- Well when planning a wedding the planning should be 50/50/. In your case it seems that the groom is overstepping his boundries- First you and him should decide on the inviations. That is your choice as a soon to be married couple. You two need to sit down and make your own guest lists. You should have the same amount of guests on each list. I agree with you, this is your wedding too and I think your family should be involved too. They are paying for it too. Dissing his family- how are you doing that?? If he can't understand how you feel and that you want for your wedding and feel like he doesn't want your family invovled maybe you two need to sit down and talk about why you are getting married.

Answer 3

You are the bride but BOTH OF YOU should be doing the planning.

And, he's right, if you are organized (and it sounds like at least he is) then you do NOT need a wedding planner and it would be a waste of money.

However you should sit down with him and explain that you want to be involved in planning the wedding as well as having your side of the family help out as well.

This would bring up a red flag for me if he is refusing to let you be involved in your own wedding and wedding plans. Is he usually this controlling?

Answer 4

I'd turn back if I were you....now run for the exit!!!This guy is obviously a control freak,,,get out! Tell him this is your wedding you have been dreaming of this since you were 6 years old,,,and you know what you want...and it's not him making all the decisions...I don't see anything wrong with him getting the tuxs,and the limos,,,but the reception,the music,flowers,your family,especially your mother need to be doing this.And for that many people you probably do need some sort of wedding planner. You go and do your thing and if he cares to join you then so be it...but you need to nip this or lose this guy...Sounds like this is just a sample of how your marriage is gonna be,,don't you think?

Answer 5

You are the bride, he is the groom.

However, just because you are the bride doesn't mean that his opinion doesn't matter. Keep in mind that this is 50% his wedding too so his vote counts just as much as yours, regardless of how the wedding industry tries to brainwash you otherwise. Its up to you two to talk together in a mature way and make a decision, not dictate to the other one what will be happening. From the sound of things either you have a problem expressing your feelings or he can't respect them, either way it's a serious issue.

Welcome to marriage honey. It's not all kisses and cuddling. You are getting your first taste of the rest of your life. Communication and Compromise are the keystones of a succesful marriage and you need to be able to succesfully do both or you should seriously reconsider marrying him right this moment.

Answer 6

YOU are the BRIDE! The bride normally does most of the planning, while it is nice that your groom is taking such an interest in planning...it is your wedding too! So don't let him plan everything, you need to tell him how you really feel, that you aren't trying to diss his family, that you feel like his family is helping with the main things, and you really want your sister/mother/cousin or whomever to help with certain tasks. It is your wedding too, so you need to act like it! I hate to side with him, but wedding planners do rip people off, that is what you have family and friends to help with, so save the money and get your family to help if you really feel you need a wedding planner. You need to start putting your foot down about what you want!

Answer 7

sounds like he's really into this....be thankful, most guys would just leave you to do all of the work.

instead of asking questions on there though, it's time that you sit down with your man and tell him that you feel left out and that you want to have an equal say in what is going on. Sounds to me like he's trying to save some money by using his family to do alot of the work, and I am sure that his family is pressuring him into alot of the decisions that he is making along the way.

first off, sit down and make a list of everything that you need to do. If you cannot come to an agreement on who should handle what, then put the items in a hat and draw one out at a time, and whoever draws it handles the task. You can always trade off, but neither should have more tasks to accomplish than the other.

secondly, if you cannot agree on the number of people in the wedding party, get a six sided dice and roll it..whatever comes up will be the maximum number of additional attendants past your best man and maid/matron of honor...then stick to it!!!

third, if you cannot agree..ditch the plans and elope. After all, marriage is not about the wedding, it's about getting MARRIED. If either one of your are more worried about the big nuptual production than you are about how you are going to have a successful marital relationship, then it's time to call off the wedding, period, or you will be taking all the money that you got for wedding gifts to pay for a divorce within a couple of years.

Answer 8

sounds like your going to be marrying a mummys boy and a control freak.
it is one day in your life it should be about what you and your fiance want, yes its good he wants his family to help and they are prepared to do that which is good, but its only right your family are involed to.
ask him to ease of a bit and let you have a say in some of the things you would like.
when i got married last year we had 6months to prepare every thing we had a stranger do are invertations, i prepared the bridesmaids and my dress, flowers and all the other girly things, my husband took care of the hire of the suits for him, best man, and page boys, he also found a venue for reception and found a DJ. i payed and took care of the horse and carriage and my husband payed for the church. the catering side of things was done as a gift..........
so from the way my wedding was planned it was 50/50 we went through the guest list and separated the ones we wanted for all day, morning only, and evening only. we sorted out the hotel together and the decoration for the inside of the venue and church, the way things should be done, its called talking and not controling if this is what hes like now, what is he going to be like once he has the ring on your finger? you going to be his property? if so its wrong your his wife not something he owns or dictates as to what is happeing on whats ment to be the brides special day. if he cant make you happy on your wedding day when will he make you happy?. my wedding was the best day of my life truely the best. good luck

Answer 9

Wow. He really sounds controlling. Are you splitting the bill 50/50? who of the families are paying for what? Maybe you can go through a list and allocate tasks equally. You may not have a say in half the wedding, but at least half will be as you want it. Tell him that using his family for everything may be good for saving money but you are going for an atmosphere, a theme for the wedding, and the services they offer may not be what you had in mind. Tell him what you have dreamed your wedding would be like at emphasise to him that both of you have to enjoy the day.
If you can't sort something like this out then i see a rocky road ahead.

Answer 10

Honey, RUN FAR FAR AWAY FROM THIS MAN. He is controlling and if you think the wedding is bugging you, wait til he decides to do your thinking for you after you're married. I'm sure you love him but he doesn't sound like a fair individual. It's just as much as your wedding and you both get EQUAL SAY! And you are not dissing his family - they are dissing you! That's ridiculous. The mind games are already starting. Please, think twice before marrying a man who seems to have very little respect for you. His family evidently comes first - you don't. That speaks volumes.