my mother passed away suddenly last saturday...when i saw her, she really looked as if she was sleeping...which made me feel ok since my siblings would have that memory as well...she was not an organ donor, but we decided to donate a small portion of her skin for skin graphing...they promised to respect her body and not violate either what we gave permission for, or her remains...my mother was a pretty woman, but when i went to the funeral home to preview her before then viewing, what was there, was not my mom...they took everything including her bones...that face is burned in my memory for ever...it looked like an ugly mask...i am so thankful to God that i decided to go view her alone that day...i would not be able to live with myself if my siblings had seen that...now, i have to live with the fact that i denied them the right to see their mother before burring her...i had to order the casket be closed...she was loved by so many people...they didn't get to see her one last time...
2007-09-15 17:28:24 · 8 answers · asked by la21unica 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Sorry about our mom's death. But the cruel truth is that
That's not the only thing they do. Also they take it even if you don't ive them permission, they replace their bones with pipes so you don't notice. Hospitals do it, funeral homes do it too. Is big money hun. That's all they care about.
2007-09-15 19:09:40 · answer #1 · answered by Nina 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What a wonderful gift you were giving when you agreed to donate a part of your mom to help someone else. And they went too far and created a terrible memory for you.
Can you try to see beyond the mask of her ruined face? See the child that was burned and received some of her beauty to heal him? The young woman that may talk again because her jaw was healed with some of your moms strength?
Keep a picture of your mom with you always. When the ugly memory rears it's head, look at the picture. Know that it was her empty body that was desecrated to heal others while her beautiful soul is intact and in the most forgiving place it can be.
You were the one that saw her this way because you have the strength to get past it. And in time the image will fade and be replaced with the beauty you saw while she was alive. I understand your anger, and your terrible feeling of loss that so many did not have the closure of seeing her one last time. I hope that you will find it in your heart to forgive so you can go about the healing from your loss. I am so very sorry about your added pain.
2007-09-15 19:49:11 · answer #2 · answered by dizzkat 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My father's birthday would have been today. He passed away in April of liver failure. The casket was left open, but it shouldn't have been - he looked like a ghastly ancient cartoon version of himself, about 10 shades more grey than any human ever looked.
He could not donate because of his lifestyle.
Take the beautiful memory of your mom's gift of life, and remember that even in death she was able to help others.
If I were you, I would contact the family services department of the tissue recovery agency where you live, and let them know how much they disfigured your mother's face. Their intentions are never to do that - they know families will be saying goodbye to their loved ones, so if they have someone on staff who is doing the procedure incorrectly, a supervisor needs to be notified. You will help to keep this from happening to another family in your area.
2007-09-15 22:12:12 · answer #3 · answered by keengrrl76 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mum passed away in a different state,so I didn,t get to see her before she passed. We spoke every other day,We didn,t realize just how sick she really was.We also had an open cask I was one of the first to view the body,they had made her up looking like a puppet.You could have scraped the make up off with a knife,my mum never wore make up in her life.Lets just say I was not impressed the body looked nothing like my mum,I warned the rest of the family not to let the grandkids see it(even though they were all grown ups)But like you I was devastated and when I think of my mum I pull out the old photo,s so I remember just what she looked like.Im so very sorry about your mum,but like me you have your photo,s,just keep one handy so you can see the real mum.I hope you feel better soon.
2007-09-15 17:48:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
look at it as a blessing that you got to say god bye to her before she died. remember all the people she is saving by them doing what they did and that she is living on in someone else and letting them have one more day on this earth. her gift of something she no longer was needing is a great gift. i know you didnt want it this way ,so i would go to a lawyer and see what rights you have on suing the funeral parlor what what they did.these people and family that came to the funeral wouldnt be saying bye to her anyway ,just the shell she left behind. they can go home and say their good byes in private .shes in heaven and can hear and see everyone now with her new soul,and health life.
2007-09-16 13:57:48 · answer #5 · answered by marilynfsmgm 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this may seem harsh, but your mom really wouldn't want people looking on her in death............ My Grandma told me and this was as she was fighting a horrible disease........ If people can't come see me when I'm alive, then shut that casket, they aren't seeing me dead........... Now, I loved my grandma......... she was the most practical lady I know..... she had the answers to everything....... I just wish that I had her longer........... as we all do when losing someone close..........
And your thankful as well.........
This way, people, when they talk about your mom, can remember her in a good way, laughing, or crying over some silly thing... cooking, reading... even the mundane like watching TV....... but it will be while she was alive, not in the casket........
2007-09-15 18:00:24 · answer #6 · answered by bizzymom38 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry! What a horrible thing to have to deal with. I think you made the right choice though. It is better for them to remember her the way she was, not how she looked in death. Both my parents have passed and I choose to remember what they looked like in life, not lying in the casket. My heart goes out to you and your family, try to be strong, things will get better in time. God bless.
2007-09-15 17:37:15 · answer #7 · answered by Cheryl C 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Condolences frm everyone in Yahoo Answers. We are really sorry for this. Good u were so strong for ur family..........Certain things cannot be changed once already done. u'll can move on. u need to. i know it sounds almost impossible. if u really wanna do something bout it u could sue them......think bout the consequences......ur siblings would come to know......proving it is also tough......ur only inviting more sadness......
2007-09-15 18:20:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋