Do you think the little things count?

Question

I think little things that a guy does or doesn't do are important in a relationship. My guy loves me very much, but sometimes he's just so clueless. I know he's a guy and guys aren't perfect, at ALL...but some things he does make me sad and he doesn't realize it. I try to casually mention them but it's hard.

A lot of these are really good answers.

Some little things he does that bother me are:

-Not offering to pay for me if I'm flat broke, when I help him out with that when he needs it, gladly.
-Yesterday: I called him and told him I'll be over in a minute, then he left with two guys and forgot I was coming over almost right after I talked to him. (He does forget things really easily, sometimes he tells me the same thing 4 times in like, 2 hours..).
**When I finally got a hold of him and told him how much that upset me, he said he honest to god didn't mean to forget me, and he was really sorry. But it still hurt...you know?
-Hardly paying attention to me when there's a lot of his friends around
-Leaving 10 minutes early when we're hanging out, and we know we won't see eachother for another 2 or so days
-Never giving me gas money even though he had a job when I didn't and I always needed it, and always drove. (I gave him gas money when he didn't even need it)

Answer 1

the little things SO count...the little things reveal how sensitive a guy is...and how much they care to pay attention/put energy into caring about you...

Answer 2

Of course the little things count! Sometimes it counts more than the big things! This is what will tell u or give u hope that he will be there for the big things! Yeah, guys and some girls, are clueless. It's a mars venus thing. I think. Yeah, it's hard, but u know that he loves u and tries his best. If this is so, all u can do is explain to him that he hurt u, and y this was so. I'm sure he'll try to make it up to u. Hurting the other person happens in a marriage, but it's always important to communicate and resolve it before going to bed, and then u'll atleast know that he'll try next time to make u smile, instead of frown.

Answer 3

Do I think the little things count? Sure they do. But what little things you're keeping track of are probably different from the little things I track. Example: whenever we get back from a long trip, or if I'm driving my wife's van, I always take it to the gas station and fill it up. She probably puts gas in her van maybe 4 times a year. It's a very little thing, but when the temperature is 0 or 100 or it's freezing rain and she's stuck in traffic, it means a lot. Another example, she usually puts stuff in the dryer and leaves and I often am around when it stops tumbling, so I go fold or hang everything so it doesn't wrinkle. A very little thing but she appreciates it.

So maybe you can fill us in on the many "little things" you expect that your dude doesn't know about or, if he knows about them, simply does not do. Or better yet, maybe you can nicely, unthreateningly, outside the context of a fight, let him know that you would really appreciate if he did whatever it is.

The problem is probably not with him not doing the little things; it's probably with him NOT KNOWING what the little things are.

Later: It's kind of disturbing to me to see two of the things have to do with him giving you money. That's not what I call a little thing, I don't care how much money you're talking about. A little thing is putting the toilet seat down, or putting his dishes in the dishwasher after a meal, or letting you watch your show when his is on at the same time. Those are little things. If you think him giving you money when you're not married is a little thing, that's just messed up.

Answer 4

I think we make assumptions that men understand us or at least they should. My experience is that often times they don't. I think us women need to be a little more direct with our men about what we are feeling or what is bothering us. If they really knew, then they could possibly be more responsive to us if they know what is going on. Sometimes the relationship ends and the poor guy didn't have a clue.

Answer 5

Is he a Mindreader? If not, then it's your responsibility to tell him what you expect in your relationship. Hinting - as good as women are about it - doesn't cut it. Guys need to be told "straight up" what you want. If you don't tell him, don't expect him to know it, or to take your "hints".

Personally, I have found when I have told my "significant other" what I want - he will come through - when I try to leave "hints", he never gets them.

If you want flowers, tell him you want flowers once a month. If you want a surprise birthday party, tell him. If you want expensive jewelry, circle them on a flyer and hand it to him. If you want a weekend getaway - give him the name of the place.

Men are visual. Although I had heard this for years, I hadn't really believed it. Finally, I told mine - I want this, I want you to do this, plan a trip for us here...etc., he did it., I didn't get mad, we had a great time! They really do want to eat, sleep, have sex and be left alone. Anything else is a plus!

Answer 6

Well it can sometimes count. Guys are totally different from girls. It may sometimes seem like they are clueless, but he is probably doing the best he can! You need to talk to him about this. It will be hard, but once you guys start talking, it will be easier to do in the future. Good luck.

Just be honest, and think on the brightside.

Answer 7

The little things are the MOST important to me. It's the little things that they do that can make your day-- make you feel like the most important person to them in the world. Or the little things they neglect to do, that leave you feeling disapointed.....and vice versa.

I think people tend to overlook the little things. They think they don't matter. But it's the little things that affect and mold the overall big picture.

For me, a little note stuck on my car seat...or something funny to make me laugh, these are things that absolutely bring me joy. My ex bf used to try all the time and did small things like that for me--- but then stopped. I guess he felt he didn't have to try anymore...

Needless to say, I'm still looking for that guy who appreciates little things as much as I do. Because after all, it's usually those little extra efforts that mean the most.

Answer 8

Of course...all things in a relationship count whether they be big or small. The fact that your guy is clueless does not make him the model for ALL GUYS. I send flowers on occasion to my girlfriend' work. I call just to say Hello. I also had a radio DJ convey my feelings with a song(s).

If he is making you unhappy and is not willing to try harder...it will be tough...but you should move on. There are other 'fish in the sea' and (TRUST ME) there is someone out there who will contribute to your relationship.

Good Luck!

Answer 9

Try not to take the small things seriously. It's tough but learn to develop a thick skin. Next, start to train the guy. You must communicate with him and tell him what pleases you. He is your husband but he's not a mind reader. Make sure you ask him to tell you what pleases him too.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 10

The little things are so important. I've learned though, that if your focusing on the things that he isn't doing.. that it could be a big problem. But, if he just isn't doing things.. then that could be a big problem too. Just tell him how you feel. Tell him you love him, but if you never tell him what you want... Then you're never going to get it.

Answer 11

maybe leave him a note saying if your upset and why, guys wont know unless u tell them. And yes the little things count, but not nescassarily as much to them