Does my mom hate me?

Question

I'm 21 and I'm finally able to move out of my mother's house. From that moment on, she became increasingly irritated with me. She says mean things, barges in on me and torments me with a smile. I know I'm not perfect but she's acting like I'm nothing more than an annoying servant to her. It's gotten to the point where she drills on me until I burst into tears and then yells at me for crying. I even asked her for a hug and she said no because she's irritated and it's not going to change. I don't know what to do, I'm feeling suicidal...does my mom hate me?

My father left when I was four. Also, my mom is aware I have these emotional issues, I've even been hospitalized for them.

Answer 1

No your mom doesn't hate you!!! You said she started acting this way when you decided to move out...I would have to say she's pushing you away to make you leaving less hurtfull for her. I know that sounds twisted, but it is hard for moms when their children leave home. It's called empty nest syndrome. Talk to your mom about you moving, and try to involve her in the moving process.

Answer 2

No, your mother probably doesn't hate you, but she doesn't sound as though she's in the best of emotional states right now....maybe she's having anxiety about your new-found independence and this is the outward manifestation of it. Deeper still, maybe she herself led a life filled with verbal abuse when she was growing up and is mimicking behavior she's experienced and perpetuating a cycle. I've been a parent for 21 years now, and the main thing I know now that I didn't know when this began is that parents are just human beings who happen to have children...we're far from perfect, and we're just as likely to make hurtful and dumb decisions as 100% of the rest of the population. We can usually count on our love and devotion to our children to rein in some of the behavior, but that alone can't counter deep-seated traumas we may have experienced, nor the poor ways we may behave as a result. The best advice at this point is to proceed as planned with moving out and see how (or if) your mother's attitude changes over time. It very well may, which would indicate I was right about the anxiety over your moving out, or it may deepen to some extent, indicative of deeper issues within her. Whichever way this plays out, you will see it more clearly from a fresh perspective once you've left her home. You may even be able to help her in ways neither of you can see from this current vantage point. No matter what though, suicide is never an answer...unless the question is, "What should I never consider doing?" Good luck to you.

Answer 3

No your Mom certainly DOES NOT hate you. Let me explain. In order to break the bond between you, she has had to harden her heart (or break it in pieces). This usually happens during the teen years - the teenager becomes difficult and hateful towards the parent because if he were to continue to love with the same adoration, it would be impossible for him to leave home and carry on with his own life.
Now it's your mother going through this turbulent time of having you leave. It hurts like mad. This is the reason behind her behaviour.
My own mother was like this for the week before I left home to get married and I took all the hurt on me, not understanding why she was being so "mean".
Now that I am a mother, I understand. Try to be understanding and if you can, move out slowly - as in go back every now and again for a weekend, or overnight - this makes it MUCH easier on her. Be kind, you only have one mother and when she's gone you will beat yourself up about everything you said and did which could have caused her pain, believe me.

Answer 4

Because you say you feel suicidal, I'd give you more drastic advice. Get an apartment ASAP, even if you only have a few things. You can get more later. Your mother got too clingy and that is not normal. Separate yourself from your mother for a while. Tell her the only way she can visit or you would see her, would be if she respects you as a person with feelings. You may feel like you don't want her in your living space for a while. See her in a public, neutral area. I felt the same, but not toward a parent, but someone who abused me so much in various ways. I turned to God who was there waiting and He directed me to a place where I live now and in peace.

Answer 5

I would never say that your mother hates you. You have to understand that she is only human and being a mother does not mean she is perfect. Your mom might be dealing with some emotional stuff of her own. You said that your dad left when you were young. That had to hurt, not only you but her to. And it is not easy to raise children alone. You and your mom might need to get some counseling but if you think she wouldn't go for that, it wouldn't hurt for you to find some one to talk to. Never think about hurting yourself because of how someone Else treats you. You can not control anyone but your self. It is not a good situation that you find yourself in. But thinking about hurting yourself is the wrong thing to do. You are much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You are reaching out asking for advice from others, that's a sign of strength. You are a unique a wonderful person made in God's image. I don't know if you believe in God but he is real. And he Love's you more than you could ever imagine. You are going to overcome your situation and you will be able to help someone who is going through similar situations as you have. You are mighty in Christ Jesus name. Read the Bible and pray for your mom .You are going to be alright.

Answer 6

Where's your father? Are your parents divorced? I don't think she hates you, I think you should move out with a friend or rent a room from someone else. Make sure you can afford it though because you don't want to be crawling back to your mother asking her to dig you out of a hole you made for yourself. It is very hard when it is your own mother making you feel this way. But it could be many things, she may be jealous because your happy and she's not. Who knows, but I know how you feel. Don't let her get you down.

Answer 7

Just be patient with your mom. She does love you. Mid-life crisis does exist. I too have a 21 and a 22 year old daughter that left home one 3 years ago and the other 6 months ago and it was so hard. My avatar name is physco cause they call me it.LOL! I'm trying to do better. Your mom will also. She'll see that you are happy and she will be happy for you.

Answer 8

If your mom hated you, she wouldn't ask you stuff. It's possible she's angry because she's losing her place as mom in your life and doesn't know how to deal with the loss of control. So she's shutting you out emotionally. You might try not coming over for awhile, and developing a sense of independence yourself. If you're suicidal over this, she's probably had a lifetime of manipulating you and guilting you, and you need to establish who you are. It sounds like a season of growth for both of you, and I'm sorry you're hurting so.

Answer 9

She's going through what alot of people call empty nest symdrom. You're planning on leaving and she doesn't want you to. The reason she's acting to agressivly isn't your fault. In the past has she ever been violent? does she have a short temper? if so this is probably her way of reacting. I know you're worried....and i understand the thougts of suicide....but just take a deep breath and stay calm. remember....your moving out....

Answer 10

Sounds like some twisted game your mom likes to play, probably just to see if you'll still react to her. Your mom will learn her boundaries if you apply them. If she barges in on you, ask her to please call first before coming over etc. You don't have to be mean about this either. Stick up for yourself! your a grown woman now, if you don't like how she treats you, then talk to her about it. If she won't talk to you about it, then don't see her until she can. Respect between parents and children should be a mutual thing. I wish you the best.