My mom & I get along very well but we have differences too like religious belief. She wanted me to get married in her belief which I don't want & don't like. She's threatening me that she's not going to attend my wedding if I will not follow what she wants. :(. The only reason why I am pushing this big wedding thing (although this is not practical for me) is because of them. I am their one & only daughter and they will be happy to see me walking down the aisle.
2007-09-15 10:59:39 · 21 answers · asked by brittanique 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
My better half & I are the one who is going to finance our wedding.
Actually, I kid her that I will give her money and she should plan their own wedding with my dad.
2007-09-15 13:11:01 · update #1
honey, when push comes to shove she'll be there. Trust me! She won't want to miss it AND she knows people will never forget that she didn't show up and she also knows they'll be talking about her behind her back for years and years. Next time she tells you that you fire right back (in a nice way of course) that you're sorry she's choosing not to attend and that you'll miss her presence very much. Then change the subject. When she sees her threats aren't working she'll give in. Maybe not very graciously....... but you'll get your way.
2007-09-15 14:28:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
While you should politely consider your mothers suggestions, doesn't mean you should have to adopt every one of them. Just politely say, "that's a good idea Mom, thanks! I'll consider it." If your Mom is financially backing your wedding, then she is going to carry much more weight when it comes to what you get, because she's paying for it. However, if you're paying for the majority of the wedding, she is contributing then the example I just gave is all you need.
I don't know what your religious affiliation or lack there of is, but it's obviously a big deal to your mother. If you and your spouse truly do not want to get married at her church or use her religious ceremony, then you need to have a sit down with your Mom and explain to her why you have chosen the ceremony you want and why it's important to you and your husband to be. And what your decision is. Ask her what you can do to help her be more comfortable with this decision. If she continues playing the marter, then just say "I'm really sorry you feel that way. We'll miss having you there."
Good luck. I can still remember going to blows with my mom over the guest list, and a few other things in the ceremony we had. However, I think understanding both points of view and understating how passionate you feel about your decision is very helpful to both parties.
2007-09-15 12:17:21 · answer #2 · answered by Erin 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I will listen to others suggestions, but my fiance and I are the final deciders in how to have our wedding day...
In your case...
Do not let her win this. If you do not want a religious wedding you have the right to have the type of wedding you want.
If she wants to use the threat of "well i won't go", then tell her that you are sorry to hear that and you are still going through with it the way you want to.
When you look back onto your wedding day, do you want to say "I loved my wedding day" or "I only did this because my mom threatened to not attend"???
She should respect YOUR religious beliefs and not try to push her beliefs on you.
2007-09-15 11:56:16 · answer #3 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No offense but its your wedding and regardless how your mom threatens you with not coming to the wedding or not. If you don't start taking control of your own adult life it will always show your future husband and other family members you listen so much to your mom and parents that you would sacrifice your own happiness. I say if you want to have a smaller wedding in your religion and its what your future hubby wants as well. Then go for it. Sometimes you have to just do what is right for you and your husband and leave your parents out of it.
2007-09-15 11:20:54 · answer #4 · answered by Cursed_Romantic 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's your wedding. No, I don't just mean "it's your day, yadda yadda yadda". I mean, you're paying the bills for it, you're a big girl, and you got a good head on your shoulders. She's the one being immature by threatening not to go to your wedding, but she is your mother. You have to decide if you really want to have her there or not.
But...since you are paying, you have the final say. I'd have mom make a list of two things she thinks are really, really important to her. Tell mom that you'll TRY to compromise on these two things. This is hard, but try to remind her (nicely of course) that she already got married once, and now it's your turn :)
Good luck and congrats! :)
2007-09-15 15:19:26 · answer #5 · answered by kiki 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not get married in a church of a faith you don't believe in. That's just bad news.
But, you could use some of her ideas in other parts of the wedding.
Your Mom has had thoughts of her only daughter's wedding since the day you were born a girl. I'm sure there are SOME of her ideas that you can use so that she feels part of things.
2007-09-15 13:41:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
My mom and I are the same, I'm decidedly atheist, and she wants me to get married in church, which is obvious that I don't believe in. I explain to her every time that I haven't made that choice yet because we aren't engaged yet. You're financing it yourself, so she can't say anything about where you have the wedding. Tell her that it's not fair for her to want you to have YOUR wedding where you don't feel comfortable, and that her saying that she won't come is cruel. Tell her you appreciate her opinion but the beliefs of her religion doesn't agree with you, so she should still be supportive, and not make you feel bad for your choice to get married where you are getting married.
2007-09-15 15:14:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You and your fiance are paying for the wedding there for you guys decide on what you want for your wedding and how many guests you want to have. your mom and dad should be happy for you and not make you do what you don't want to do. If they want a big wedding then they need to put in some money to.
2007-09-15 17:05:50 · answer #8 · answered by TJ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to stick to your guns on the issues that are important to you and give in on the stuff that isn't. It's your and your fiances day and your paying so you call the shots. I think it's unfair and immature of your Mother to act that way. If you don't want a big wedding don't have one. Have a nice affair that well be memorable and beautiful. If you give into Mom you'll always be giving in.
2007-09-15 13:15:36 · answer #9 · answered by Carolina 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She who wields the check book makes the decisions. You're paying for your own wedding so you get to get married where ever you want. Do you really think your mother will miss her only daughter's wedding because of where it is? I don't think so. Call her bluff and get married where you want to. Also, if you don't want a big wedding, don't have one. I very seriously doubt that your mom won't come.
2007-09-15 13:23:37 · answer #10 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋