how would you punish you kids if...?

Question

ok so here is what happened. i have 3 kids. 7,12,14, so me and my husband went out with some friends, and my oldest son had a friend over to help him watch his younger brothers. when we got home, my youngest was locked in the bathroom and the middle child was duct taped to a chair.

what would you do if it was your son, would you punish him.
should i call his friend's mom, or just let it go?
and how do we get the duct tape off of my other son, because they took his shirt off first, and its stuck to his bare skin.

thanks for the help.

yes, his friend's parents knew they would be home alone.
And yes, they've all gotten into fights before(with each other, no one else), and he was mean to them, but they were mean to him too, i mean they are boys, they are going to do stuff like that.

Answer 1

I would duck tape my eldest son to a chair, and lock him in the bathroom for an hour, and see how he likes it.

Answer 2

To remove the duct tape, rubbing alcohol should work, as the previous answer suggested.

As for the punishment, I would talk to all three boys, and get their sides of the stories. Not that I think either of the younger boys would have provoked the eldest to tape them to a chair or lock them in the bathroom, but just to let them know that you are concerned about what happened and that it is completely unacceptable. You should ground your oldest son, and also let his friends parents know what has happened. That is very cruel.

Answer 3

Honestly? I wouldn't punish them. YES, it was wrong, but the fault here ultimately lies with you and your husband. Leaving a 14 year old boy-- and his friend!!-- to look after two younger boys? Did you think you'd raised saints or something? Brothers don't always get along, and once you put them with their friends, responsibility goes right out the window. The 14 year old was old enough to be home alone... but not in charge of others. Bad move, sorry.

You'll have to get some sort of solution to get the duct tape off without hurting your son, or perhaps soaking it off will help. Might I suggest that your eldest son be involved in this, and if it involves buying a special solution, that he and his great friend pay for it!

At the very least, your eldest son needs to apologize in a big way, and if the mother of the visitor knew they were going to be alone, I would tell her and get him involved in the resolution of this mess as well.

But punishment? Sorry, mom and dad... YOUR fault.

Answer 4

I wouldn't just punish him, I'd get him some counseling. he could have seriously traumatized his younger brothers (how would YOU feel locked in a small room or taped to a chair?!) The fact that he was comfortable doing this to them scares me. I imagine his brothers begged him to let them go and he thought it was funny. To be that lacking in empathy at his age is no joke. I can only see trouble for him if he continues without counseling.

As for the friend, I would make sure that he is never allowed over to your house again, that your son does not go to his house and that they only have minimal contact (like at school) that you can't prevent. I would also inform his parents. He went along with this and is just as culpable as your son. The two of them are at risk of doing something even more hurtful to someone.

The fact that you TRUSTED your son to watch his siblings and this is what happens is disturbing. You either do not know your son at all, or if you do know his character, you made the decision to leave his brothers in his care. Either way its very scary. Please do NOT ever leave them home alone with him again. They may all need counseling to help them deal with his behavior - I can almost guarantee that this isn't the first mean thing he's done to them. You need to think of your younger sons' wellbeing and take steps to make sure your oldest can't hurt them physicall/psychologically/emotionally again.

As for the duct tape, I imagine rubbing alcohol or even soap and water would take some of the stickiness off and allow you to remove it relatively painlessly.

Answer 5

I would definatly not let the 14 year old get away with that. Not only would i notify the parents of your son's friend. I also would never let your son babysit again. Take away privlidges. If spanking is your thing, do that. Or better yet, lock him in a bathroom duct taped to a chair shirtless.

Try rubbing alchol and warm water to get off the duct tape off of your poor child.

Answer 6

first off, where did the kid learn behaviorlike this? you say that they re boys, and boys will just fight, but that only happens if you allow it to, and if they are socialized that way....sigh....I would think long and hard about disciplining this chilld. I would suggest something like making him do community service around his neighborhood (maybe big bros, big sis) but then that would send the message that volunteer work is a punishment, not something that should be done voluntarily and happily...hmmm...

Make them take over the younger kids chores at home for a month. I would also not allow him to be friends with this other child, hesounds like a bad influence. Also, prohibit his tv and video game time.

Talk to him and discuss that human beings (as well as all other creatures) should be treated with respect, and that tying peopleup and locking them in the bathroom shows not only disrespect, but it also results in a lack of trust between people. Explain to him that brothers and family are there to support you and be by your side for the rest of your life, and that if you do men things to them, then they may not wishto fulfill this role, and then the only thing to blame is his own behavior towards others...Hope this helps. sorry if its kinda long

Answer 7

I hate that "boys will be boys" if you think that why are you asking?
You tell the friends mother let her take it from there.
Then you strip your son of everything he owns besides his school stuff and matress and a couple changes of clothes.
Your ons is immature and most likely a bully if he can get a 12 year old into a chair AND duct tape him. From your "boys will be boys" attitude it's no wonder he's acting this way. NOW you have to start teaching him what a man acts like, and that's not it.

Answer 8

To remove the duct tape I would add a little cooking oil to loosen it up. It will take a long time but won't hurt.
I would definitely tell the other kid's parents. Whether or not they will discipline him is ultimately up to them, but they should know.
As far as punishment, I would make the 14 year old wait on the younger two for a couple weeks. Have him clean the other boys' rooms, do their chores, serve them dinner,etc.

Answer 9

You made a poor decision, two fourteen year old boys does not equal an adult in fact they play on each others weaknesses at this age. I would not call the other parent, you need to accept total blame. In the same manner your son needs to see the error of his ways. He made ridicules decisions, endangered both brothers. He should be punished, but for him to really learn from this he also needs to hear you say you made a mistake, also. In regards to the type of punishment, that is a family decision. Removing privileges and having him show maturity to earn them back would be a fair start. In my home he would not see the light of day outside of school hours for quite sometime. He would loose all extra curricular activities for the season and his room would be limited to bed, pillow, covers and clothing for at least a week. As he regained my confidence he would be given back personal items to at my choosing and TV, Stereo, IPod, computer would be the last of the items to return. He must realize this was not a joke. He endangered the other children, and abuse is not acceptable in any way. As to the removal of the duct tape, I have no idea, I would call a local hospital and ask for advice.

Please understand in most states you would be investigate for criminal neglect, and your son could be investigated for endangerment to a child.

Answer 10

I like jk_thegooner's response but to add to his suggestion, the child that was duct taped to the chair should have the pleasure of doing the duct taping of the older brother.. AAAAHHHHH, poetic justice. But if my daughter did that, I'd probably take everything she owns and ground her till she graduates college!! You ABSOLUTELY should tell the other boy's parents. If the situation was reversed, would you want his parents to tell you? Maybe you and the other boy's parents can come up with a punishment together. Like maybe having the boys do some sort of community service.. Just a thought. Good luck! It really sounds like you have your hands full. That's why I only have one! LOL.. I have sooooo much respect for mothers who have more than 1 child and you get bonus respect for having 3 (and the fact that they're boys)!!

Answer 11

Try rubbing alcohol to remove duct tape but please read the label for onstructions. It may need to be diluted.

Well you took a risk in leaving the kids, Boys are generally ver immature compared to girls at that age. There needs to be some consequences for your elder son. He needs a chat about growing up and being trusted with more responsibility. He's going to want to learn to drivem get a car, go out with friends and explain that he has lost your trust and needs to start earning it again. He needs to do something nice for each of his brothers and the you need to negotiate a set of chores that he will be responsible for.
With regard to the visiting friend, did his mum know that you wouldn't be at home? If she didn't this could cause problems
for you. If she did, call her and let her know what happened and what the consequences are for your boy. Let her decide how she deals with his part in this escapade.